Every time I close my eyes, I always see eyes of different shapes, color, texture and expression staring back at me. It is as if they are looking out for me; from my research, they appear to be my spirit guides. Although they are there, I have yet to communicate with them. Still, they let me know what they think through the voices in my head.
When I met the partner, it was love at first sight and despite my inner voice telling me not to go through with the relationship, I did. In the years we were together, I always have this voice telling me to leave him. Yet, I stuck with him for 15 years now and two children mostly because I want to keep our family intact: even if he has to fulfill his promise of marriage (which has bothered me all throughout the relationship), and I find that I lacked confidence in myself and my dreams repeatedly put down by this person.
Just recently, I started using a chat site and I met a widow from another country of a different time zone. I felt an instant connection to him. Even if the photograph that he sent did not appeal to me, I find myself being attracted to him, like I know him, his being, and his soul. I would wake up instantly, the moment he would be online to chat and we understand each other's thoughts and feelings. I find myself to be a joyful individual when he came into my life. What started in friendship, kindred spirits talking about kids, values and life became an attraction in a span of days.
Here's the strange part, my spirit guides are telling me to go for this guy whom I chat. That he is my fate and that we are meant for each other, that I am meant to travel to where he is to fulfill a destiny, his and mine. What is more peculiar, my chat mate, who has a developed sense of premonition, dreamt that we would be together. This actually freaked me out so I stopped chatting with him. It was in this moment, when I closed my eyes, the various eyes that I normally see were still there but they were looking at the side not towards me. When I stopped chatting with this guy, I feel I am half alive, that I just exist.
Despite my absence, my chat mate waited for me everyday believing that I would come back which I did. I figured there may be this distance between us at least I am whole. Even if I just chat with him, we still are connected, somewhat together.
I am at a standstill on how to move forward. I am at a difficulty because I am still with a partner, who I love, but I am not in love with anymore, I have my children and a job, which I can't just leave. My dilemma is my logical mind is telling me how it is not possible and my heart telling me that it's something that I have to do. Should I let things remain the way they are?
Your thoughts on this regard will help me a great deal.