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Could We Be Some Sort Of Soulmates?


I was born into an old fashioned Christian family. As a little girl I seemed to have knowledge of thing I wasn't supposed to know anything about. Like for instance when I was 5, I went up to my grandmother and asked. "Gran, in Sunday school we learn all these story's about Jesus but why don't they teach us about his wife and what was her name?" My grandmother almost fell of her chair. I got this whole lecture about how Jesus never sinned and therefore he was never married. Now none of you knew my gran, she was a scary old lady and what she said was considered law. So I turned around and walked away but there was this part of me that just knew she was wrong.

Another thing I could do is know how people were feeling. Whether they were sad or happy or whatever their emotions on a given day. My father use to say that I was just good at reading body language and that that is how I picked up on people's feelings. For a long time I trusted his explanation and left it at that.

When I turned 14 things started to change even more. By then my parents were divorced and my father had remarried. We were a blended family of 7. We rented a house outside of the city of Pretoria. Here I started to see a spirit of a little boy. At first I didn't realize what he was. It would happen at any time during the day and mostly in the kitchen. I would be fixing myself something to eat and see the boy out of the corner of my eye. He was about the same age and height of my little brother who was around 9 at the time.

I would ask my brother if he wanted something to eat, if I could fix it for him while I was making my own. My brother then wouldn't answer, so I would look back and there would be no one in the room. I went and found my brother in his room. I remember giving him this whole lecture on how rude he was for not answering me. He, completely confused told me that he wasn't in the kitchen and so didn't hear me. This happened about 4 times before I started noticing the boy always whore the same clothes and my brother didn't have clothes like that. After I realized what he was, I stopped seeing him. I wasn't afraid, I was kind of excited to be able to see something most people never get to see.

Over the years I have seen a few spirits. Although it seems that the only time I can see them is when they wish me to.

But this is not why I'm writing this story, I just wanted to give you guys a bit of my background.

The dilemma I have, the real question is if there is someone out there who has ever experienced what I am about to write for you now.

I have a cousin who is 3 years older than I. Ever since I was a very, very little girl, I have felt a connection to him that I have never felt with any other person. All my life, ever since I can remember I have had dreams about him. These dreams would happen almost like clockwork every 3 months. Although they were always age appropriate, they were always of a sexual nature. When I was little it was holding hands and pecks on the lips or cheek but as I grew up they became more explicit.

These dreams and feelings made it hard for me to be around him, so as children do, to hide my vulnerabilities I would find reasons to fight with him about everything until eventually we barely spoke. Till this day I don't understand why I did that, I hated not being able to talk to him or be around him but I always felt like I just had to do this. Like it was supposed to be like that.

He got married and 2 months latter so did I. I remember sitting up in my bed that morning of my wedding thinking, do I really want to do this. If I do then that is that, we will never have a chance to find out what this is. In that moment a thought popped into my head. It said "Don't worry about it. When the time is right everything will fall into place." This happened 11 years ago. Now to be clear, I have never told any of this to anyone. I was, no, I am really afraid of what people would think.

Last year around this time things started to change. It got really weird. I had a dream of my husband's cousin. I saw his face and he just screamed out my name. I woke up feeling really upset although I had no idea why. I checked the time and it was 12:20 in the morning. Two days latter, we got a call from a friend. Our cousin was missing for 2 days, eventually they went to the cops and ran his I.D. He died in a car crash at 12:20 the same morning I had my dream. He was 23 years old and I loved him like he was my little brother. I miss him so much.

After that I started getting visions, the meaning of which I still don't understand. So I'm not going to go into them. By the end of December I had a dream about my cousin and that he was in trouble somehow. Now, because of all our fights and thing that has happened over the years I haven't spoken to him in 5 years. I had to call my aunt to get his number.

I called, asked if he was okay and he said he was but that he was going to be in our neck of the woods by the end of January and that we should all get together. I agreed so we made our plans and that was it for December.

3 weeks before the end of January I had the clearest vision I have ever had up to that point. It was, him and I walking next to water and I stopped and turned to him and apologized to him for 3 things I have done and said over the years that wasn't really nice. Then I looked at him and I said, "I love you, I always have." and he said "I love you too" and then he kissed me.

Now I have to be honest and I'm ashamed to say that I have never before that day ever had the thought pop into my mind to apologize to him for anything. Witch if I think about it now, is strange because I'm just one of those people who apologize vary easily for just about anything.

So 3 weeks latter after everyone had gone to sleep the 2 of us were still catching up and I saw this as my opportunity to apologize and so I did. He looked like I had knocked the wind right out of his sales. And as in my vision I told him that I loved him and always have, but I said it in such a way that it could have just as easily meant that I loved him as my cousin. He then said he loved me too and we talked a little more and before I knew it he just kissed me.

Now he is divorced but I am still married so that is as far as we both let things go. We went our separate ways the next day and didn't really talk about what happened.

Two days latter I had a dream. My cousin and I was laying in bed, (nothing sexual, just laying) a man came in and planted these huge red and yellow flowers by the foot of the bed and then poured a whole lot of water onto them. I got angry and asked the man, "Now who do you think is going to have to clean the floor of all that water?" He just looked at me and said, "Never mind the water, these flowers have to grow big and strong." At that moment my cousin took my hand and we walked outside. There I saw a pond and all around it was these big blue and purple (violet) flowers. Then the dream ended.

Ever since that night, my visions and dreams have intensified. Like that kiss flipped the on switch in me. Most of them are subjective and I don't really understand them until something happens. At first I had them almost 3 weeks to the day that something happened. Now they seem to have moved to 6 weeks.

My cousin and I talk on the phone from time to time but we tend to avoid talking about that night. One thing that is strange though, is sometimes I would think that next time I talk to him I have to ask him this or that. Then when we do talk, before I get the chance to ask him the question, he just volunteers the information as if he knew somehow I was going to ask it.

I am really scared of talking to him about all this. I have the feeling if I do everything in my life will change. The thing that scares me the most is that I really don't want to do anything to hurt my husband, he doesn't deserve that.

Please comment if you have any idea what this could be or mean.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, France, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

France (1 stories) (7 posts)
8 years ago (2015-11-03)
Thank you Sweetsoul5

I absolutely will ask him, when he is talking to me again.

I had a vision a month ago in which I saw his children die. I keep seeing people die these days. Like there is going to be a war.

I told him this. They live below the Vanderkloof dam and I have had 5 visions of something or someone destroying that dam and the people below it dying.

I asked him to help me get his mom and kids out of there before this happens. Needles to say, he didn't believe me and got really angry and haven't spoken to me again since. I know this won't last. I had a vision in witch he came to talk to me about all this. So I'm just waiting for him to get over his initial reaction.

Thanks so much for answering my post.
sweetsoul5 (1 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-25)
Hello France:)

I want you to take what others tell you about your life with a grain of salt even your family, friends and me. What is true in your heart and along your path is where you have to follow. Do what you know is led by the pure love in your heart not by fear of what puts upon you society and not of fear of losing anything. Just know that if you follow what calls, you will be alright and all that you face is what your soul has you handle because you are strong enough and you have the power to change your life. Also know that if you need help have faith in those that support your happiness because in truth you are the ones living your life not us, you are it is your life and your happiness.

So going back to the visions you have with your cousin. I believe this is a true soulful connection. Before you jump into anything. Just think about the reality of this situation and the situation you have with your husband. I think this may be an toxic relationship if you had wanted to leave him before yet he keeps you staying. It sounds like he has this desperation to be around someone in a possessive manner. If you loved someone, you should want to be around them and live with them without fear of them leaving because we own no one in this world, we own nothing but our own soul. But you know that all you need with a lover is to be present with them every moment of your life until it ends. Knowing that you can let go of them and still be whole without them. True love should be a love that helps you grow in spiritual maturity. Ask your cousin if he has visions of you. Ask him. See where this life takes you. Let your vision, your soul, a higher power, whatever it is guide you to a better life. Listen, the answers are within you. ❤

I send you love, a journey of growth and understanding.
Namaste ❤
iAmNotPsychic (5 stories) (34 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-25)
I will add this for future reference. When you ask about how someone treats you differently than everyone else. I am a Man so I will let you in on something. Once a guy see's he can get away with something, he will continue to do it until it becomes habit. It's the way all guy's are wired. Once everything is in a routine, life is good. Guy's HATE change. Anything that interrupts the normal routine is bad. That's why you need to train your man better. Guy's, generally speaking, don't really care what the routine is, as long as it doesn't change. I think this is what your husbands major issue is, (don't laugh), you didn't train him properly and you let him get away with everything and now you are miserable as a result of it. I'm not saying it's completely your fault, I'm sure he has a lot of unresolved issues too. So what I am getting at is, next time, do what you have to to get your 'hooks' in the next one, but once your 'hooks' are in, remember to start putting your 'foot down' and train him right.

Good luck in all of your future endevors, and I hope you live a long life filled with nothing but happiness and joy.

iAmNotPsychic (5 stories) (34 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-25)
Good luck in your endevor, I hope it all works out for you, you deserve to be happy, and you need to do what ever it takes to make you happy.

Best of luck to your future and if you ever need to talk again we are here for you.
France (1 stories) (7 posts)
8 years ago (2015-09-18)
You know what. You are probably right. And the things you've said, I have also thought of them that way. Maybe I just needed someone else to tell me the same thing.

On the marriage counselling bit. I think I'm just past that. We've been before and he starts making all these promises. But the moment he has me right where he wanted me, the counselling is over and things just go back to normal.

I think for a long time I had just lost hope and I was just to tired to fight back. Maybe writing this and talking to you was just what I needed.

My family don't know most of the things going on and everyone keeps telling me to fix things, to work it out. My mother thinks he is the best and he even got my father who didn't like him for a time too feel sorry for him.

I want to know how people do that. Be one person with you but make everyone else see them in a different light.

I believe everything in life happens for a reason, maybe all of this happened just to help me think differently for a while so I would eventually make the decision I probably should have made many, many years ago.

Thank you so much for your time.
iAmNotPsychic (5 stories) (34 posts)
8 years ago (2015-09-17)
that comment makes me think of Paul simons, 50 ways to leave your lover.

Your relationship does not sound like a healthy one. My sister, who is married, would pull the suicide card with her husband, they decided to go see a marrage counsler, and she got help that way.

(repeating myself again): Another comment I posted else where, one of my favorite movie quotes is from Jurassic Park: "Thinking you have control, that's the illusion" I think your abilities are being manipulated by you subconciously thinking about your cousin. I have been in one sided relationships before, and found they are very unhealthy for me. My point is that there are a lot of people in this world, somewhere in the billions, if you can't find 1 person, not your cousin, that can't make you happy, you're not looking hard enough. I think that once you get away from your unhealthy relationship you are in now and start re-exploring your world of potential suiters you will feel differently about it as well.

From what your story said, even though you might be ok with it, it doesn't sound like your cousin is. That withdrawl is classic guy behavior for, 'what did I do last night?' and that's really why I don't think it's healthy for you to try to get with your cousin. Regaurdless of every other issue, it takes two to tango and pinning all your hopes to get away from your current situation on your cousin probably isn't your best course of action.

So I really encourage you to see a marrage counsler, then you can ease your mind a bit about your hubbies situation and state of mind and get the F**K away from him.

France (1 stories) (7 posts)
8 years ago (2015-09-17)
Happily married? No, not for a very long time. I have tried to leave and threatened too. My husband has this way. He will make promises and all that to get me to stay. If he sees that isn't working he threatens to hurt himself. He has a bad temper and although he has only ever slapped me once. I am scared that if those threats no longer work he might take the gun from his own head and threaten me with it.

We have bad days and good days. And for a long time I've convinced myself that I can live with things the way they are. But these days as I am going through all these different psychic experiences, I seem less and less inclined to live like this. For the firs time in many, many years I have hope for something better. What ever that may end up being.

I'm one of those people who love to read and Google is one of my best friends. I have spent days reading about cousin marriages and incest, and whatever I could find. From biblical texts to peoples opinions to science papers published on the fact. To the laws of my country on the matter.

In the laws god gives to Mosses on who we are not allowed to marry. Cousins are not a part of that list. I have read that it is only considered incest when there is one common grandparent. Cousins have 2. World wide there are about 5 countries in which it is illegal to marry your cousin. South Africa isn't one of them. Another interesting fact is that 80% of the the worlds population that ever lived was married to a first or second cousin. Which I belief since there are 3 ancestral couples in my family that were cousins. Great, great, great grandparents and so forth.

I am incapable of having children so that would never be an issue. Long story.

Look, I know people's over all opinion on this, and I respect that. What really gets me, what I can't understand is the visions and dreams I'm having that seem to lead me in this direction. If I hadn't had the vision to apologise to my cousin. I wouldn't have done so. We would have most likely had our little visit and had gone our separate ways without anything happening.

I agree with you on one fact though. At some point in the future I probably need to go see a therapist, but that is not an option at the moment. How do I explain that to my husband?

Thanks for taking the time to answer me.

Have a lovely day.
iAmNotPsychic (5 stories) (34 posts)
8 years ago (2015-09-15)
It sounds like a child hood crush between cousins. It's very common. This is going to sound harsh and I appologize ahead of time, I'm not trying to sound harsh, bruitaly honest is the way I do things, I feel like sugar coating is the same as lying which I am incapable of.

Now that you're no longer a child, I suspect you understand what incest is and that nothing can really come from a relationship with your blood. I think it's very selfish for people who ignore this fact. Plus you are, I'm guessing 'happily' married.

That being said, it's apparent you feel like you've have expiriences through your life with your abilities. I do not think this is one of those. I merely think this is a childhood crush that you have not let go of. I think the energy you have put into your cousin should be redirected to your husband. I don't know you personally so I can't completely understand your situation, I don't know if you are truly happy in your marrage. I mean if your not happy, then regaurdless of how good of a man your husband is you need to do whatever it takes to become happy, even if it means, to the drastic measure of separation, but like I said I don't know your situation, but I do know your cousin is not the answer.

Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?
I suggest this just because they can help you interpret these things in positive helpful manor.

I hope this helps, later

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