I was born into an old fashioned Christian family. As a little girl I seemed to have knowledge of thing I wasn't supposed to know anything about. Like for instance when I was 5, I went up to my grandmother and asked. "Gran, in Sunday school we learn all these story's about Jesus but why don't they teach us about his wife and what was her name?" My grandmother almost fell of her chair. I got this whole lecture about how Jesus never sinned and therefore he was never married. Now none of you knew my gran, she was a scary old lady and what she said was considered law. So I turned around and walked away but there was this part of me that just knew she was wrong.
Another thing I could do is know how people were feeling. Whether they were sad or happy or whatever their emotions on a given day. My father use to say that I was just good at reading body language and that that is how I picked up on people's feelings. For a long time I trusted his explanation and left it at that.
When I turned 14 things started to change even more. By then my parents were divorced and my father had remarried. We were a blended family of 7. We rented a house outside of the city of Pretoria. Here I started to see a spirit of a little boy. At first I didn't realize what he was. It would happen at any time during the day and mostly in the kitchen. I would be fixing myself something to eat and see the boy out of the corner of my eye. He was about the same age and height of my little brother who was around 9 at the time.
I would ask my brother if he wanted something to eat, if I could fix it for him while I was making my own. My brother then wouldn't answer, so I would look back and there would be no one in the room. I went and found my brother in his room. I remember giving him this whole lecture on how rude he was for not answering me. He, completely confused told me that he wasn't in the kitchen and so didn't hear me. This happened about 4 times before I started noticing the boy always whore the same clothes and my brother didn't have clothes like that. After I realized what he was, I stopped seeing him. I wasn't afraid, I was kind of excited to be able to see something most people never get to see.
Over the years I have seen a few spirits. Although it seems that the only time I can see them is when they wish me to.
But this is not why I'm writing this story, I just wanted to give you guys a bit of my background.
The dilemma I have, the real question is if there is someone out there who has ever experienced what I am about to write for you now.
I have a cousin who is 3 years older than I. Ever since I was a very, very little girl, I have felt a connection to him that I have never felt with any other person. All my life, ever since I can remember I have had dreams about him. These dreams would happen almost like clockwork every 3 months. Although they were always age appropriate, they were always of a sexual nature. When I was little it was holding hands and pecks on the lips or cheek but as I grew up they became more explicit.
These dreams and feelings made it hard for me to be around him, so as children do, to hide my vulnerabilities I would find reasons to fight with him about everything until eventually we barely spoke. Till this day I don't understand why I did that, I hated not being able to talk to him or be around him but I always felt like I just had to do this. Like it was supposed to be like that.
He got married and 2 months latter so did I. I remember sitting up in my bed that morning of my wedding thinking, do I really want to do this. If I do then that is that, we will never have a chance to find out what this is. In that moment a thought popped into my head. It said "Don't worry about it. When the time is right everything will fall into place." This happened 11 years ago. Now to be clear, I have never told any of this to anyone. I was, no, I am really afraid of what people would think.
Last year around this time things started to change. It got really weird. I had a dream of my husband's cousin. I saw his face and he just screamed out my name. I woke up feeling really upset although I had no idea why. I checked the time and it was 12:20 in the morning. Two days latter, we got a call from a friend. Our cousin was missing for 2 days, eventually they went to the cops and ran his I.D. He died in a car crash at 12:20 the same morning I had my dream. He was 23 years old and I loved him like he was my little brother. I miss him so much.
After that I started getting visions, the meaning of which I still don't understand. So I'm not going to go into them. By the end of December I had a dream about my cousin and that he was in trouble somehow. Now, because of all our fights and thing that has happened over the years I haven't spoken to him in 5 years. I had to call my aunt to get his number.
I called, asked if he was okay and he said he was but that he was going to be in our neck of the woods by the end of January and that we should all get together. I agreed so we made our plans and that was it for December.
3 weeks before the end of January I had the clearest vision I have ever had up to that point. It was, him and I walking next to water and I stopped and turned to him and apologized to him for 3 things I have done and said over the years that wasn't really nice. Then I looked at him and I said, "I love you, I always have." and he said "I love you too" and then he kissed me.
Now I have to be honest and I'm ashamed to say that I have never before that day ever had the thought pop into my mind to apologize to him for anything. Witch if I think about it now, is strange because I'm just one of those people who apologize vary easily for just about anything.
So 3 weeks latter after everyone had gone to sleep the 2 of us were still catching up and I saw this as my opportunity to apologize and so I did. He looked like I had knocked the wind right out of his sales. And as in my vision I told him that I loved him and always have, but I said it in such a way that it could have just as easily meant that I loved him as my cousin. He then said he loved me too and we talked a little more and before I knew it he just kissed me.
Now he is divorced but I am still married so that is as far as we both let things go. We went our separate ways the next day and didn't really talk about what happened.
Two days latter I had a dream. My cousin and I was laying in bed, (nothing sexual, just laying) a man came in and planted these huge red and yellow flowers by the foot of the bed and then poured a whole lot of water onto them. I got angry and asked the man, "Now who do you think is going to have to clean the floor of all that water?" He just looked at me and said, "Never mind the water, these flowers have to grow big and strong." At that moment my cousin took my hand and we walked outside. There I saw a pond and all around it was these big blue and purple (violet) flowers. Then the dream ended.
Ever since that night, my visions and dreams have intensified. Like that kiss flipped the on switch in me. Most of them are subjective and I don't really understand them until something happens. At first I had them almost 3 weeks to the day that something happened. Now they seem to have moved to 6 weeks.
My cousin and I talk on the phone from time to time but we tend to avoid talking about that night. One thing that is strange though, is sometimes I would think that next time I talk to him I have to ask him this or that. Then when we do talk, before I get the chance to ask him the question, he just volunteers the information as if he knew somehow I was going to ask it.
I am really scared of talking to him about all this. I have the feeling if I do everything in my life will change. The thing that scares me the most is that I really don't want to do anything to hurt my husband, he doesn't deserve that.
Please comment if you have any idea what this could be or mean.