I'm sorry this story is so long but I had so much to write. The best place I think to start this story is a bit later into it.
In the year 2008/ 2009 I was getting concerned because one of my spiritual friends was sort of joking about how he was afraid of the dark at times and was saying stuff like: "It's a good think this isn't underground or isn't any smaller?" And I don't know the stuff he said sometimes made me wonder if he had Claustrophobia. It didn't really make sense to me so I wanted to find out why he was saying these things. What also didn't really make sense was that he never really told me why.
To find out I went to a medium and had to pay quite a bit. I explained my situation to her and asked to help me find the answer to this riddle which I felt like I needed to know. I remember her hands sort of hovered on either side of my head while I closed my eyes. With my eyes closed, I saw a man walking along a cobbled street with oil lamps and there weren't any cars or horse carriages on the roads and the sky was dark. Suddenly a group of people showed up on the scene and I heard the sound of a gunshot. Then everything went black and I sort of thought it was all over but then a different scene played out. I just saw someone underground, struggling to breathe and unable to move. Then it ended. It was at that point that I realized the spirit I called Johnny had been buried alive. The medium I went to explained to me that this was the reason he had the fear he did. But it also explained something else. You see my brother could've had a twin but because of this fear the twin wasn't as strong as my brother and wanting more room my brother pushed him out. If you think about it the womb is a dark and cramped space so I sort of understand why Johnny was unable to stay. Because I knew this story I understood why it was so hard for him to tell me about it. I think it must have taken a lot of courage from Johnny to be able to tell me but I'm glad he did.
My mom had actually told me the story of my brother having a twin and that there were two hearts but only the one heart made it. And they were going to call the twin which didn't make it, John which is why I started to call him Johnny and he seems to like the name which is all good.
But to be honest I think Johnny has been involved with saving my life. My mom told me that when I was a toddler my father had forgotten to close the door while he went gardening. While she was changing my brother's nappy she heard a feint whisper which said: "Check on your daughter now." Instantly she stopped what she was doing and checked the room where I and my brother had been playing. I was not there. Panicked she learned that the door to the garden and pool was open and we had no fence around that pool. Mom found me staring blankly at the pool by the pool's edge. In tears she picked me up and took me away from the pool. I don't quite know exactly what happened that day but I'm pretty sure Johnny was involved.
First time I think I saw Johnny was in a dream. My mom read me a story as mom's often read stories to their children. But this particular story was a poem about a Pegasus who showed up in a girl's bedroom and took her flying on her back on a magical ride before bringing her back to her bedroom. And the moment I closed my eyes and started dreaming I realized that a Pegasus was standing in my room. However unlike in the story this Pegasus had a pure white horn on its head like a unicorn. And like in the poem, this creature offered me to take me on a ride. How could I refuse since at that age I sort of always wanted a pure white horse and there he was, right in my room and I thought a Pegasus with a horn on its head was much better than a horse in any way. Similar to a camel, it knelt down and lay on the ground making it easier for me to climb. With my on it stood up and started flying. It didn't really make sense to me how it came in or how we got out at that time since my windows were closed and when I looked as we started flying I saw my family's home and garden. The Pegasus flew into the clouds and I was having the time of my life. The Pegasus then went down and I saw something I hadn't seen before. There were houses on houses and wire from what I remember. I've never been able to figure out what that place was until I saw the movie Rio. I think that Pegasus had taken me to show me a part of Rio in Brazil because those buildings looked sort of similar to the ones I saw in that dream. After showing me that, the Pegasus like creature took me back to my bedroom. I think it was the first time and quite possibly the last time I came home and then saw my body but I just went back to bed in my dream. It was very odd. Then the Pegasus like creature vanished. For years I sort of struggled for a name of what to call the combination of a unicorn and Pegasus. When I was older I tried to look it up on the internet but it was like a name or the existence of such a creature didn't exist. I sort of gave up eventually. Johnny has told me that he was that Pegasus creature so I know it was him I saw in that dream.
Next time I was aware of Johnny I think was at pre-primary school. To explain what was happening to me at this time, from about year 4, my social life took a bit of a turn. Because of my autism I struggled to make friends and since groups were already set up, joining one of the groups was quite difficult and generally nobody wanted me to be around. I was an outcast but I didn't understand why. Because I hadn't been diagnosed with the disability nobody was able to understand why. I was an outcast and there were bullies looking to annoy me and make my life a misery at any opportunity. The one thing I desired above all other things was a friend. And at home, even my own brother liked to tease me sometimes so I wasn't really safe at home either. Because my parents couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time I'd often get the question: "What's wrong with you?" And how could I possibly answer when I myself didn't know. But because of everything going hard I started to think that maybe my parents were right and perhaps there was something wrong with me since I didn't fit in with anyone. And knowing there was something wrong with me but not knowing what was very depressing. Sometimes I wondered why god had put me on earth if he only meant for me to suffer. I mean I did nothing bad and took the Ten Commandments from the bible very seriously so I just couldn't understand it. I just couldn't understand what it was about me that people didn't like. It was probably the darkest point of my life but I found ways of coping. One way I found of coping was with writing. The wonder of writing distracted me from my loneliness and took me away from the cruel world I knew. Thinking of the plots and what the characters would do next often kept my mind busy during lunch breaks. So I became obsessed with writing. Another method which helped me cope was reading and in particular the library at the school which was open every 2nd break. The library was the one place my bullies didn't go to that often and if they did it wasn't to trouble me. The library was my oasis and all its wonderful books taught me so much and often helped me with research I sometimes needed for my stories and the stories also distracted me from everything and gave me something to focus on. While most other kids were playing sport or games or gossiping and stuff, I was either writing or reading.
During this rough part of my life though, I'd often hear a voice calling my name especially at school and when I was alone. I didn't know what to make of that voice then so naturally I told my mom about it. She told me that hearing voices was the first sign of madness and that I should ignore it. I didn't want to go mad so I ignored those voices up and until I left that school, during lunch breaks a voice would always call my name. And once while I was at the library (my oasis) and reading a very good book, I got a sharp pain in my leg for no apparent reason, when I was able to look my leg I saw a thin red line. The pain didn't last for long but it was still quite mysterious since was sitting on pillows and there was nothing around me which could've harmed me. I suspect that the name calling and the scratch had something to do with Johnny. The reason why is because I read somewhere that one of the reasons a spiritual might scratch is because they're young and can't control what happens and a scratch isn't deliberate but is literally just because they're still learning. I think Johnny was calling my name, trying to get my attention to let me know I wasn't alone and that he was with me. I think he really wanted to help me. But at the same time I think he was frustrated with himself because he probably must have told himself that if only he had been stronger and had been born then he really would've been able to be there for me and wouldn't have to struggle to get my attention as he was. I'm not entirely sure if my family knew what I was going through but Johnny certainly did and I think he was suffering as I was. It's because he so desperately wanted to help me but couldn't that I think kicked his suffering into overdrive and why I think I got that scratch. Now that I think about it, it's kind of touching to think that a spiritual being cared about me that much.
I should probably add here that life at high school was infinitely better since I finally had some friends. And when I had immigrated to Australia with my family, I found a basketball group made for people with disabilities and it was the first time I felt like I belonged anywhere. Because of their various disabilities they had also been bullied at one point in their life so I found I understood them and could talk to them much more easily. People at this basketball group come and go but no matter what anyone who's apart of this basketball club will always be a friend to me no matter where they've come from or what their disability is.
After my previous experience, the next time I was aware of Johnny was after Jack made himself known to me, about 6 months after I had passed year 12 in Australia. I've written about Jack in one of my previous stories if you'd check it out. In any way, Johnny's personality always seemed very bubbly to me. He often reminded me about things to make me smile and he'd often joke about stuff. He also seemed kind of sporty and he loved going outside. He was also very busy and curious and constantly looking at stuff and would often come back to look at something even though he'd already seen it. And despite what he'd been through he was very positive but could also be serious when he needed to be. I've explained Jack as a black winged angel and unlike Jack Johnny is a white winged angel.
When I think of Johnny, I think of a guy with tanned skin and short blonde hair hanging loose up to the length of about his shoulders and soon after meeting him, I realized that he had a talent. He was a healer and he taught me how to use my energy to heal someone. I was very interested in what he had to teach me but I didn't think I'd ever need to use what he had taught me until one day at a park.
At this park there is a bridge from which you can see a gorgeous view of the city and river. Before going to this bridge however, my mom gave me the task of walking along with my youngest sister and her friend and watching out for them which I did and for the most part everything went well, until my little sister got stung by a bee on her foot. Because of her injury, everyone thought my little sister wouldn't be able to go onto the bridge. But luckily my mom had medication and cream with her for the bee sting. I for one thought that this was horrible since it meant that my little sister and someone else who'd have to stay behind with her would miss out and would probably be bored. I decided I didn't want anyone to miss out the bridge so while my mom was putting on the cream, I touched Brittney's foot trying to make out like I was curious or something like that and then I closed my eyes and focused the thought of white light at the source of pain. I also prayed to god to please help me heal my sister and I also asked if there were any spiritual beings in the area to please help me. When mom was done with the cream, I removed my hand from Brittney's foot. About a minute later, my little sister told my mom she thought she could come with us to the bridge and started running and playing and stuff as if she never had that bee sting on her foot. I've never really had to heal anyone with energy since then but I still can't quite believe that it happened. I really didn't think my little sister would feel better so quickly. It happened though, all because of Johnny teaching me how to heal others.
Not only that but Johnny also seems to know what do when the body is in pain and often gives me tips but once he gave me much more than just a tip. When I was playing basketball once with my friends on a court outside I wanted that ball so much that I sort of tripped while trying to get it before anyone else. And with my one hand landing on the ground first, my one finger too most of the impact and bent. Weirdly I didn't feel a thing. Suddenly I actually saw Johnny as not just an image in my mind. He quickly explained to me that it was my body's pain response. He then explained to me that while I couldn't feel anything, I needed to bend my finger back now. If I wait much longer the pain will get much worse. Then I saw an image of myself in hospital. Clearly Johnny was worried about me. So of course, I listened to him and bent my finger back. I was then unable to play basketball and the staff helped me by putting cream on my finger and plaster. Luckily for me my parents were going to see friends after picking me up and one of those friends was a surgeon. After he looked at my finger he told my parents that it was fine and that it just needed to be plastered together with the finger next to it. Thanks to Johnny, I think I avoided having to go to the hospital for an expensive operation.
Johnny I think is an amazing spiritual being but it's just sad that something so horrible had happened to him. Still to this day, Johnny is still affected by his buried alive experience. Sometimes when I've gone on cave tours I've noticed Johnny shaking as I'm nearing the entrance of the cave. Johnny will then excuse himself and tell me he can't go any closer and he'll wait for me when I come out.
My real brother is incredibly selfish, has some issues and hasn't always been nice to me but recently he's started to turn around and even though he's busy, I feel like I can approach him and talk to him now which is awesome. But Johnny has always been there for me and he's never been mean or nasty at all. I often think of Johnny as the brother I've never had but on second thought he is the brother I've never had. I don't know why he's chosen me over my brother but I'm glad to have him.