First let me say I read the rules for submission and still chose to use this forum because I feel like it fits. If any of the admin don't agree please feel free to let me know where I should go.
I am almost 40 years old. I have been visited by spirits in my sleep since I was a child. Some of my research says it is sleep paralysis and in some cases I can agree that the visitations fit that but in others they do not. I have also been told of future events in my dreams as well as helped my fathers soul cross over before he died. I know that this site does not do dream interpretation but, I am not asking for that. I know the difference between a regular dream or nightmare and prophetic dreams. They are completely different. I am here to ask for help understanding these visitations and their metamorphosis over time.
I have researched the scientific explanations for this and though they make sense in some instances they do not explain why I have been told the things I have been told and why they happened after I was told. I was tested for narcolepsy and have had an EEG done while sleep deprived and both results showed no abnormalities. I have participated in a sleep study as well and besides snoring there is nothing wrong there either. My childhood was not ideal but I came out of it with depression and anxiety but have found my own methods for managing it. I face it, accept it, feel it, and let it go until it comes again.
These visitations didn't start all at once in full force. It came to me in stages. The first time I was about 11 years old and I was sitting up on the sofa watching television and I fell asleep with my eyes open. This was a sleep that fell over me like a heavy weight on my mind all at once. I was not tired before it and I was not tired after it. I could see everything that was going on in the room. I could hear my mother talking to me and asking me questions. Her boyfriend was there and he laughed at me because I was snoring with my eyes wide open. I didn't feel any fear I just knew I couldn't move or speak. My thoughts were intact and I could answer her in my mind but I could not make my mouth move. My mother came across the room and shook me and my body could move again. I didn't see any dark figures or any other figures that time. The next time it happened I was at my Grandparents house. I was sleeping in my bed and I woke up to a dark figure watching me. I have never felt like I was being held down or choked, just immobile. This figure was menacing and I fought to regain control of myself because I felt that I must. This same entity visited me several times in my Grandparents house.
I don't know if my dreams have anything to do with this sleep paralysis but I have dreamed the future for most of my life. These dreams are very vivid and full of detail. When I am in them I am aware and present. I have control of my whit's and it feels like I am able to use critical thinking. Unfortunately, when I wake up the text I read fades in my memory to symbols I can't decipher. In some of them I retain a complete conversation and in others it fades before I can grab a pen. What does not fade is the symbolism and the message and when I dream these dreams, they happen. The reason I bring this up is because I can't discern if I have taken this entity that visits me into my dreams and morphed it or if it comes to me in my dreams as part of the message.
The only reason I feel that it is the same entity is because it feels the same no matter what shape it takes. I identify it by the way it feels not the way it looks and nothing else feels like it does until this last visit where everything changed and sent me here to try and make sense of it all. I don't have nightmares of it. Only the dreams that are telling me the future have this entity. It has taken the guise of an argumentative nurse in the ICU when I dreamed the death of my father. When I refused to let it chase me away and helped my father cross over I was cursed and threatened and its shape changed to what I can only call a gargoyle. My next encounter with this entity was in another dream about the death of my best friend and lover. I was shown his death in such vivid detail and the events that followed were truly the darkest times of my life.
I have talked to clergy, I have talked to doctors, I have talked to spiritual advisors, and I have talked to a psychic. The clergy tells me that death makes us face our own mortality and that the dreams are normal however, wouldn't that be after the fact? I tread carefully with the doctors because admitting I believe this to be something "supernatural" leads them down the road of medications I don't need. I do not hallucinate or hear voices or lose time or have periods of mania. The spiritual advisors tell me to pray it away. The psychic told me I am protected by a strong male, a kind male and a strong female. She told me that every person I have loved that has passed brings a piece of their soul with them and that the boundary between the planes is blurred for my soul and that I can pass more easily through.
Now to the reason I am writing this. Last night this entity (or another like it) came back again. I was reading and felt that heavy sleep, not a drift, my body shut down to sleep. Within what felt like moments I was looking around my room with my eyes wide open, hearing myself snore (which I think helps me to know what is really going on), listening to it walk around my room. This time there was no dark figure, it was a haze and I felt sleep pushing on me. Not a weight on my chest, no choking, just the weight of a forced sleep and I fought it as best I could. I felt it in my bed, I felt it next to me, I fought to stay mentally awake and faded in and out. All at once I was released and I was not tired anymore. When I finally went to sleep I had one of the best rests of my life. My first thought when I got out of bed was that I had beat it. The thing that is bothering me is that this entity was not menacing or threatening it was intent on forcing me to sleep and let go of myself.
I have been dealing with these and other things most of my life. I know they sound crazy and I expect that there will be some people trying to direct me to Jesus and while I respect that I also feel that there is a purpose for this. If I were to write every experience, I have had that leads me to believe it this post would be a book. I don't consider myself psychic, I don't consider myself a medium, or a clairvoyant, I don't think I am special and I don't enjoy this. What I am looking for is someone who understands these things and can help me find clarity and meaning in it. There is a lesson I am supposed to learn and I need help finding it.