I've always been a tough person. Never cried, never showed emotion. Always kept to myself, hated big crowds. I've always been the shy quiet kid in the corner. Never liked doing anything that would receive attention.
When I was about seventeen I became incredibly sensitive. I cry very easily, I feel all these random emotions, I have no idea why they're there or where they come from. Around that same time the brother of one of my good friends committed suicide. I didn't know him yet at his vigil I couldn't help but feel extreme sorrow and pain. I cried like a baby. The days following I started to feel angry and depressed, I was having suicidal thoughts. It scared me so much I talked to a counselor and they had called a support group to take me to a hospital to get some help.
Sometimes I can't even tell what I'm feeling. It's so overwhelming that I start to feel panic and severe anxiety. Crowds give me panic attacks sometimes and can make me feel dizzy and sick.
As I started traveling a bit more I rediscovered my love for nature that I had forgotten about long ago. It was different this time. When I'm out there I feel so peaceful and euphoric. I developed this fascination for everything. Questioning everything. Almost like I could feel everything I was in awe about. Like a connection, I'm not sure how to explain.
Some days are better than others, but recently I've been feeling claustrophobic, nauseous, sad, anxious, like I'm going into a depression. Why? I have no idea. As far as I know I have no reason to feel that way. I feel crazy and I don't know what to do. I have no idea what's going on with me. I really need some guidance, a mentor or something. I have read that there could be some kind of physic answer for the way I've been feeling. This is my last attempt to get some answers. I just want to know who I am.