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Feeling Weird Feelings & Opening Up To The Spiritual World


My story begins in me not feeling like I belong in this world. Like I come from a whole other one. Of course, I feel many have felt this way, but at that time I felt like the only one. I don't really fit in with my peers, and have very small close relationships so far in my life. I began finding interest in spiritual areas these last three or so years. Discovering I felt I belonged underneath the moon and stars questioning life as a whole, than anywhere else in my life. I find the topics my generation find amusing to be more stupid than anything, and try studying others to figure out why humanity has come to be the way it is. I also like using tarot cards, reading my astrology horoscope, studying astrology (I am a Libra sun, and Pisces moon, moon signs mean to me a lot) and meditating (I forget a lot though, so not so often). I also light a lot of incense, and candles. I've been interesting in the Wicca religion, but have not looked into it enough to say I have any connection with it. I enjoy nature, and I feel a deep love for trees. This is me opening up to spirituality.

I often question life, and come up with theories often. I feel like there is something deeper going on, and am always thinking how strange it is to have a form, and to be able to think. Death scares me terribly, or at least, the one theory where it is all black, a deep nothing. This fear doesn't get to me unless I think about it though. I try thinking positive, and explore ideas I never thought I could.

The big area which I have experienced began when I was around the 11-13 age area. I was leaving my old house in the woods, and had a deep feeling in my chest. I could not explain it. I still can't explain it. Later, I tried focusing more on it. It seems to root deep in my chest. It developed into me feeling different feelings for different things. Like with some people, they give me different feelings. It is not only just people, but places, and times in my life. If I think about my past with feelings, I can remember and feel the feeling I had in that moment again. I have tried studying myself a lot. These feelings I cannot explain in words properly. I can only use terms like "sharp" or "calm" and stuff like that to describe them that seems right. It feels very spiritual than anything. Also, if I try imagining the feelings, I see a long line against black, and then depending on, it will go straight up and down, or tangle like string, or make a pattern, and looks like those heart monitors. It is very strange, and I was not really creating it, or thinking deep about it. It just seemed to form from the energy by itself. I don't really know what this is. But what really gets to me, is that I always remember these feelings, and can't really describe them. They can last on me for awhile, mostly because I don't want to let go of them. They mean something. I do have to focus sometimes to feel them though. Also, my dreams give me these weird explainable feelings every night, and when I wake up. Even without dreams.

I am extremely sensitive as well, and a lot of things upset me. I obsess over things in my mind. I was diagnosed with a mental disorder called bipolar as well. The most difficult thing for me, is getting used to people. As of this year I am closer to someone then I ever have been, and am terrified of getting hurt. It is also hard for me because I'm entering my spiritual journey, and this person, and people around me don't seem to connect with the spiritual parts. I try though, introducing it, and try accepting them. The person I'm close to, cares very deeply though, and this is good for me, also supporting my spiritual path. I crave talking about it though, and all of this kind of stuff.

I can't really think of anything else to say. I hope this isn't too scattered that it will be hard to understand. I am very new to this area of life, and am very curious in learning, and getting deeper involved. I feel for my bad emotional health, finding peace in my self, and getting into my spiritual self, will save me. Thank you for reading this. I am very curious what the feeling thing is.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Zee-Zee, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Zee-Zee (1 stories) (1 posts)
7 years ago (2017-05-01)
Hello, I hope this is how I communicate with others that have commented on my story. A lot of you have put that these feelings I get are actually my own, and are happening by the negativity and what is affecting me in my surroundings, but I have not read much about any spiritual form of this. I feel this way if I focus in on my energy on something. Like a person for example. Thinking of that person can give me a weird, no name feeling. It is not like any other emotion I have ever heard or known of. It is as though I am feeling there soul, rather than how they might make me feel. It always feels as though it comes from outside of me, rather than me. This happens with everything, if I try to feel it. Every morning my dreams give me these feelings though, and some music. Music takes me to other dimensions I swear. These feelings are otherworldly, explainable. Like the heart beat thing I talked about is me feeling the inner pulses of the spiritual world. I know there not my own, because I know myself quite well. I am my own best friend. I know myself more than anyone. I've tried finding the names for the feelings everywhere, and nothing fits. There are only words that simply put a emotion as unexplained, or otherworldly. I've never done drugs, or weed, and no alcohol either. I have just explored this thing I found so deeply that I feel as though it is something extremely deep. The way I feel this, and the way I see these feelings, it feels like my own personal finding of the underlying spiritual realm. Thank you for all who has commented. 😊
jasmine_glaze (84 posts)
7 years ago (2017-04-24)
Hey Zee-Zee,

First off, i'd like to comment on the experience you shared. As AnneV said, there are many ways our surrounding can make us feel down and destroy our self-confidence. There's a big chance that there is are entities in your area that may also want you to remain in this state, so you won't achieve all the great things you possibly can.

You are still a young person and you shape your own path. If you put enough effort and start doing things, you can make your dreams come true.

To fight all the bad things off and the negative moods periods, find something that makes you happy or makes your life have a purpuse and never give up on it once found. There is no better thing in this world than fulfilling your own purpose and be happy about it. It doesn't have to be just one thing, there's plenty of them in this world.

If it's the nature that makes you feel better, spend time there, go to park or go jogging, anything that brings you closer. Even meditate outside if there's a chance it will calm down the unnecessary thoughts.

My email is on my profile if you wish to just vent out or learn

Greggb (6 stories) (25 posts)
7 years ago (2017-04-21)
A couple more things...

See if you can put the feeling in one part of your body, and move it up and down, like from your head to your toes.

Also watch for feelings in your general brain area. In addition to the feelings in my chest I get strong feelings from the area right behind my eyes. I didn't realize this until fairly recently, when I started becoming more aware of my feelings.

Also, on your spiritual journey, watch for feelings of tension in your head kind of like a headache. For me this is an indication that something's happening in my head, at the unconscious level. Whenever I get these very light-grade "tension headaches" I know something in my brain is changing.
Greggb (6 stories) (25 posts)
7 years ago (2017-04-21)

I'd start by recommending Carl Jung for reading, because there's a tone in your narrative that really resembles Jung's. I'd probably even recommend "The Red Book", by Jung, which had an extremely profound effect on me. I regard it as an extremely spiritual text, for the proper types.

It's your reference to that feeling in your chest. You're very aware of your feelings. That's what makes me think you'd really get something out of The Red Book.

I'd say about a year ago I really started becoming aware of my feelings that way. It started when I got involved in some political activism in a way that seemed to be really over-the-top risky. I live in a very rural area, and I publicly campaigned against a branch of the federal government in a very disrespectful way, and needless to say made a fair number of enemies.

I'm a graphic design artist and I started meming this particular branch of the government, and it's like I was really on my game. It's almost like I was possessed. And I got this really incredible thrill from doing it, which was mixed with a strong fear, but my feelings were really intense, and that's when I started noticing the feeling in my chest.

It occurred to me that up until then I'd been blocking those feelings in my chest... Or maybe I'd just never felt it wanting to come out so strongly. And that's when I started doing something where I focused on it and allowed it to come out and spread throughout my body. It dawned on me that up until then I'd never really been feeling my feelings all the way.

Come to find out, most people don't feel their feelings all the way. Life amongst other humans requires that we suppress our feelings a lot of the time, and it becomes a constant habit, to the point that we don't really feel most of our feelings.

So, I believe what's happening to you is that you're feeling your feelings. And the visualization of your feelings seems to accompany that strong feeling of your feelings. It's an indication that you're in a very spiritual, or intuitive mode.

My spiritual modes come and go. I like them very much and miss them when they're gone. During those times I literally feel alive. I mean, it's a genuine feeling of aliveness. Sometimes it just comes on me. It comes on me fairly often when I smoke weed. It can come on me at different times, and it's definitely better when it comes on me at different times.

Sometimes it feels like I need to do things to create that feeling of aliveness. Like just earlier today I engaged in another round of activism against that federal agency. And to be clear, I take a completely non-violent approach. I just use my wit and my graphic design skills to really make my points. But I really turned it up a notch today. And then after that I sent emails to some other government agencies with some ideas for battling terrorism on the internet.

I mention that because I strongly suspect I'm bipolar. I've never been diagnosed, but I've studied a lot of psychology, and if that was someone else's story I was reading, I'd suspect them of being bipolar.

So welcome to being bipolar! And I really mean that. Being bipolar is definitely very interesting.

I'm just guessing you talk very fast, and smoke weed?

Just a feeling I have.

I talk so fast sometimes that other people can't understand me. I type so fast sometimes that other people can't understand me:)

Whatever it is people like you and I have, it can definitely be a good thing. You just have to learn how to benefit from it.

A couple of authors for you to check out: Thomas Troward, PD Ouspensky, and of course Jung. "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman, if you can stand it. Emerson is great, and you can find most of his essays in audiobooks on youtube.

Eckert Tolle is another good one. "The Power of Now" for sure.

The spiritual journey you're talking about is a combination of educating yourself, contemplating, and willfully changing yourself. It's an awesome journey to go on! It was painful for quite a while for me, but it seems like I'm past the painful part now.

The painful part for me was getting over some relationship issues. I come from a really screwed up family. I've finally come to understand that my Mom and Dad were/are both very emotionally ill. I won't go into the details, but will tell you that pretty much every member of my family hates each other. There was just never much love in my family because of the issues my Mom and Dad had.

It's weird because it seems like it just slipped through the cracks. I was a pretty screwed up kid, but few people ever said anything. It's like everyone around me (including my Mom and Dad) were all pretending like things were normal, but things weren't normal, and to this day my Mom and Dad don't realize that things aren't/weren't normal, so it's really kind of a head-trip.

So anyway, I've had to accept the fact that I can't really love any of the members of my family, because love isn't something we seem to be able to have for each other. I really hate my Dad. I've done very poorly in romantic relationships because I have pretty serious trust issues and am truthfully too much for most people.

I don't have many friendships and for the most part feel very alien. I actually wrote a post about feeling alien here:

I don't believe I'm from another planet, but I did find the book "The Wanderer's Handbook" comforting in being able to relate to so many other people's stories. There are actually quite a few people like you and I. It seems like there have been a lot of stories lately just like yours.

Anyway, this is getting long. Let me wrap it up by saying that my advice to you is to read and educate yourself more than anything else. I've found that to be the catalyst in the process. Journal and write to yourself, and if you're 420 friendly, write down your experiences when you're high and read them the next day, and give them credence, because a lot of times when a really depressed person gets high on weed, their "highness" really only brings them to normal level.

If this makes sense... A person who spends a lot of time really depressed, and then gets high, is often only bringing their emotional baseline to what's normal for most people.

I guess the main reason I go on about smoking weed and getting high is because I get the strong sense that you do.

And don't be afraid to read some Occult literature. It will help to broaden your perspective.

And with that I'll let you go.
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
7 years ago (2017-04-18)
Is your emotional health really 'bad' or are you just not conforming? People have been groomed a hundred ways to feel low about themselves for not fitting into a shallow and mundane system. The fact that you are questioning what is happening around you, seeking deeper truths and keeping your mind open sounds like a solid path to me. Don't let others label you. Follow your heart and you'll find peace in a very non-peaceful world.
Thanks for sharing.

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