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Understanding The Lessons


There was a period in 2013-2015 that I experienced a near death experience. I had a right atrial blood clot, was septic, and had endocarditis. This was all undiagnosed until 2015. I was going through a hard period of time. I had been through a divorce. Health struggles. Homelessness, loss of career due to health, domestic violence. I woke up feeling intoxicated like I was drunk. This lasted for years. I was the closest thing I could imagine to the concept of "hell." Slowly losing my body and mind being in a constant state of paranoia. I had these phenomena I thought to be induced by sickness. And chaulked it to "not real". These things that occurred are difficult to explain. However I will do my best. It was almost as if a set of very identifiable lessons had been placed before me at every turn. When I say identifiable I mean because of the similarities or synchronicities of some experience I had gone through. It was like something or someone was trying to talk to me by bringing certain people and circumstances into my existence ABRUPTLY. It terrified me because I couldn't explain it. It felt like torture. Like judgement. I started looking to anything and everything to find some mental solid ground. It felt like the universe was directly showing me judgement by placing before me what I had done unknowingly of the consequences to others almost be me having someone unrelated do the same thing back to me. During this period almost every belief I had was flipped to its opposite. I had a 180degree personality change. It wasn't until I found out that I was not supposed to live through this that by the drs and about a year of treatment grieving and surviving a 98% mortality rate by a brand new drug. I started to understand the whys. They were subtle whys that I just knew the answer to without question. And this will sound bizarre: the answer was all of the above: I was sick, that affected my mind, that poisoned my spirituality. And what became incredibly apparent is my whole life I strived for perfection and others approval and I never learned about authentic Ashley. And although I had hurt some people, and everything I ever new came crashing to the ground. There was definitely intervention. Very strong energies that I can feel. That communicate in bizarre ways. I realized I was going the wrong way. I had lost myself. After this experience happened and I have worked long and hard on physical, mental, and spiritual me, I have noticed that I feel physical vibrations, auras, things just pop into my head that come to being (people, songs, events). The synchronicities still happen but I have stopped fearing them and they aren't as abrupt And today I chose to remain obedient to the lessons I learned from those, only because making it to the other side of this is a feeling that is a blessing beyond anything I've ever experienced. Letting go was excruciating. Maybe it was just a mental meltdown and my own guilt. Whatever it was it saved my life. And today I try to invite those strange coincidences. And I no longer feel compelled to believe I'm told I should believe. Or to be someone else because somebody wants that of me.

Comment if you would like. I just felt compelled to share this tonight. Thanks and goodnight

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Thepeaceinme, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

PathR (4 stories) (1274 posts)
3 years ago (2021-04-29)
Some would refer to your experience as awakened, Phowa.
Consciously dying.
Thepeaceinme (1 stories) (1 posts)
3 years ago (2021-03-26)
Thank you. I think the hard part now is recognizing that others are facing their shadow self, in their own way, in their own journey, in their own time. Many people are not even aware of what it even is, or what they may be going through.

Then attempting to maintain my own dose of humility. Sometimes its frustrating.

I struggle watching the people I love stay stuck sometimes and I have to remind myself just how LONG that journey felt for me.

I'm slowly learning my part in their journey. As it is revealed to me. But I've learned that these circumstances where I may be of help are not the ones I want to intervene. They are the ones that have been brought to me.

I'm not sure the lessons ever end if we stay receptive to them.

I still have not learned the purpose that I survived. I definitely feel like I am heading the right direction this time.
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
3 years ago (2021-03-25)
It's interesting that you use the term "near death experience" because though your awareness and revelations were drawn out over time, you ultimately saw what near death experiencers experience in a few fleeting minutes. You saw cause and effect, the fact that the "universe" or "all that is" places people and events in your life for a reason, that there is purpose to you not dying despite the odds. You've done what many people on planet earth don't do in this lifetime which is to work through the aspects of their shadow or egoic self. It's difficult to look back on life lessons as blessings but you have and here you are now. Ultimately, what a marvelous journey.

Thanks so much for sharing.

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