I am a sensitive, at least that is the best way I know how to explain it, and have been from birth, but it is only recently that I have recognized these abilities as gifts and not as something evil. When I was a child, my family was very open to spiritual things, but they became very religious around the time I turned twelve. The beliefs of their church taught that people who could see or communicate with spirits were evil. The church categorized people who could do this as witches and would quote the Bible saying, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live," and say that if we were not in modern times where things like this were against the law, anyone who was psychic should be put to death. I did my best to suppress most of my abilities for twenty years, unless I could explain my experiences as the gift of discernment as described in Paul's epistles. Because this church taught that all spirits were evil and there were no such thing as a "good spirit" I would only allow myself to see the evil spirits. I did these things almost unconsciously once they became habit.
I now allow myself to see the good spirits as well as the bad and those that are neither - nature spirits, angels, demons, and the dead who are not resting. And I am beginning to realize there is more good in the world than I once thought. Probably since I was blocking all spiritual communication before, I could not see the good spirits - they wouldn't push their company on someone not willing to communicate, while the nasty ones could give a damn about who they disturbed. It's no wonder for so many years I thought the world was an evil, horrible place, and that my gift was evil as well, since the only spirits I saw were the evil ones.
Now that I have been free of this church for a few years, I am trying to understand my gifts more fully. I am very empathic, sometimes to the point of pain, and now that I am allowing myself to use these abilities, I am having some problems keeping other's feelings from flooding my mind. I used to wonder why I hated being in crowds and why it would feel so confusing to have so many people all around me at once, now I understand it's not just a phobia. It's so many emotions coming at me all at once. Of course it's confusing!
My empathic abilities have also grown drastically since I became pregnant with my first child, who is almost a year old now. Maybe becoming a mother has increased the ability to feel for another? My sense of self was greatly diminished while I was in labor, almost like I was more open to everything around me. While I was in labor, I almost felt as if I were two people at the same time - like I was split into two consciousnesses, myself and another female, but that female was not a newborn, she was an old soul. I do not know if this was my baby's soul, or if it was someone else, possibly a female ancestor or guardian come to help me in my time of need?
The only reason I would think it was a guardian was because during my entire pregnancy I only saw one spirit (which was strange, because I usually see them often.) I had even begun to wonder if I had lost my ability to see spirits completely during the time I was pregnant. In a way, it was kind of a relief. But towards the end of my pregnancy one spirit was definitely present. This spirit showed up one night when I was getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. This was at about three in the morning. There was a person sitting on the couch in our living room as I walked to the bathroom. She was very short and had white shoulder length hair. It was only for a split second, and then she were gone. I thought to myself, "Hmmmm. Haven't seen one of those in a while" and went into the bathroom, dismissing it as another wandering soul. But when I came back to bed she was standing in front of the nursery, again, only for a split second. I have seen her a lot since then. I asked my father-in-law about it one day because he had said that he had been feeling a lot of his family's spirits around him lately. He showed me a picture of his mother, and it was the same woman I kept seeing around the house. I have seen her since my daughter was born. I woke up one night to see her standing over her crib watching her sleep. I am pretty sure her spirit guards all of my husband's family members, but I think she has a special connection with my little girl.
I spoke with my brother who also sees spirits if he knew why I hadn't seen anything through the pregnancy, and he said that possibly instead of losing my ability, my grandmother-in-law's spirit had been keeping everything away so that I could have peace during my pregnancy.
Has anyone else experienced something like this while pregnant, or in labor? Who was the spirit that was with/in/part of me while I was in labor? Do others see ghosts in the same flashes that I do? So many questions to ask. It will take many many more posts.