About 7 months ago, my father died. I will not say how he died, because it is very personal, but it wasn't a pleasant death. He ended his life. The thing that bothers me is that I have the ability to dream things before they happen, but I never saw this coming. My father and I did not live together, due to more personal reasons. But I had a strong connection with him and loved/love him more than anything. I always thought he was going to die early, and that I'd kick myself in the butt for the rest of my life if I didn't visit him more or call him more, but I never did. I was right about that. But now, after 7 months of his departure, I am having dreams about him. Some of these dreams are frightening, and some are just dreams. In most of the dreams, I see him and he is telling me things which I hear and understand in my dreams, but as soon as I awake, I cannot remember what he said. All I remember him saying is that he has to go at the end of the dream, and he walks away and vanishes.
The day my father died I'd been crying all day for no reason I thought, because I didn't know he'd died. That night I talked to my grandpa who told me then that my father passed away. The following week, I went to my grandpa's house to collect my dad's belongings and to visit family. When I was there I knew everything at once, since no one had given me details in order to "protect" me. I knew how he'd ended his life, and I knew he was there with us, and I knew he'd left me something. I saw a random notebook on a mantle in my grandpa's house and I just knew there was something in that notebook that was for me. Now no one told me ANYTHING. I basically told them all I knew everything and my uncle, my father's brother, believed everything I said. I later found the letter my father left me in the notebook I was somehow drawn to.
Why am I just now having these dreams, and why can't I remember what he says?
I've been told that I shield my mind, but I can't figure out if this is why.