I've been documenting my encounters since I've been given advice that it would be the best way to help me with these "visions". I'm not sure if it will help me but it is sure worth a try. My stomach is churning as I write this; I've never been a believer in any sort of religion or supernatural beings. But somehow that doesn't stop one from experiencing things does it? As I posted in my first story it's been happening since I was very young (my hands are shaking so bad I almost can't type.)
In my first post, I mentioned about my parents being very Catholic and maybe not believing me if I told them. Most of you encouraged me to share my feelings with them anyway. I'd like to update you on that matter, they think I'm insane. So I suppose it was a bad idea to tell them. I don't blame any of you of course since it was up to me to make the final decision. They haven't taken any action, just telling me that it is nonsense and to not tell anyone about it for they will think I'm crazy.
But that isn't why I'm posting for a second time. My reason is much greater I guess when I said I was afraid before I didn't know what being scared meant. People are always fighting about visions are a gift visions aren't a gift. How can they be a gift when I'm afraid to sleep anymore? They are worse now that I've acknowledged them. Not worse as in more frequent, but worse as in I can see people's lives in war and bad fortune in others lives that I don't want to know about. I've tried the whole "go away thing" and the mediation and trying to block out things, I've gone back to ignoring it too, but nothing I do seems to work. It's as if something or someone gave this (gift or not curse depends on who you are) to me and no matter what I do it's always going to be with me. I've learned to accept that although I'm not too optimistic about it.
Over the past few weeks I've began to see more then the future, I see dead people (don''t laugh), but I can't explain it anymore than that. They aren't living, I'm sure, but if they have died or are just something I don't know about I'm not sure. I'm always uneasy now, it's like this whole thing is taking me over. Should I commit myself? Go on medication? I'm not sure. But I do know that whatever is happening to me I'm not happy with it but if I could have ever chosen between having this ability or not, I would have passed up the opportunity no doubt.
Maybe I'm being too hard or maybe I need someone like whatever they call them, teachers? They are like teachers but for "special" people maybe? Probably not. But I had to ask anyway. I'm not quite sure about any of this anymore, I'm going kind of fuzzy. I think all of this is making me nervous.
All I can say for sure is that I'm not coping well with all of this.
Any ideas or advise would be grateful.