My story has so many different parts to it but I want to get this out there and go deeper later. The most significant thing that is happening now is I think I can communicate with my friend (I think my soul mate) that died and I want to know if it's possible that it's really him. It's been 10 years and I was a wreck for all ten, hindered by one substance or another. I'm now clearheaded all the time and I see so many "Nick things" every where. I tell him I want to see someone and they will show up or call me. The day he died I hadn't seen him in a few months because we had a falling out (he broke my heart again) and that day he was looking for me at work. The other night I begged God to let him show himself in my dreams because I haven't seen him in a long time. The next morning this was my horoscope:
Put some distance between you and whoever has caused that achy feeling in your chest. The more you rehash the situation, the worse you'll feel. If you're not in the immediate vicinity of that certain person, however, there will be moments of relief. Promise.
I really think that meant. I'm in heaven and you are on earth I know your heart aches but I will show myself to you, Promise.
I get a really funny feeling in my mouth when I see signs and feel feelings. It's like my tongue is getting electrocuted. I want to know if that is what I should be feeling if I need to know something or is it because when I get signs I get scared? Sometimes I this sound in one ear it's sounds like a machine in a hospital that beeps and I wonder if anyone can hear it. When I look at the sky I see millions of shiny swirling things very vivid. I googled that one and someone said it's because of some science thing but when I ask my friends if they see it they don't even know what I'm talking about.
I was in school and I started to get really dizzy and that feeling in my tongue and I started to faint but I snapped out of it when someone dropped their pencil. The girl that dropped it fainted in class. I was fainting with her. I cried so hard and panicked I had to go home. When I started hair school, the evening classes, I was had a really bad pain in my side and I looked kind of pregnant for four months. Then I switched to day classes it all went away.
I also don't understand what it means to get a vision. I want to know in words what other people think feel see hear. I have a hard time understanding what I should be prepared for. I can't meditate but I can relax enough to zone all the way out, sometimes I have trouble talking for an entire day. My mind is in some really strange places.
I feel like I think too much and blocks me.
I really want to learn how to develop my psychic muscle. I just don't want to buy into and kind of internet scam where the only way to get understanding is to buy "3 CDs for 89.99". I just want someone willing to help me. I have always been a person to stand on the edge of a circle and look in. If I am too close to people or there are too many people in a room I absorb too much energy and have to get away quick. I feel like if I could harness my ability I could be such a awesome person. People really tell me how much they like me and how funny I am, yet I always feel insane. My friends don't like to hear me tell them I'm crazy. Now I don't think I am. I think I have been blocking my gift and it's too much for my brain to handle. For the past year I have been trying to unblock myself now I just need the tools to guide me to be able to clear my mind so it is mine again. I want to be able to understand and hopefully help someone with the information I receive, or if I am receiving anything at all.
I hope some one can relate and shed a little light.