I was born in New Jersey, but I've always felt out of place. I've grown up so far in a small farm town. I used to like it, it was a small town and when I was younger, I never seriously thought about where I wanted to go with my life. Like most little girls, I would occasionally think about what I wanted to be and such, but other than that, not really. I've grown up so far with my psychic abilities growing from my mistakes, letting my angels guide me, waiting for something that means the world for me, and words that seemed so far out of grasp. I was confused and needed help.
My Mother raised me alone after my Father abandoned her when she was pregnant. I have forgiven him, he was a drug addict and was afraid of raising a baby since he was a child himself. He wanted to meet me, but his sister held him back since he wouldn't have been a stable parent. I haven't forgiven her yet. I have too many things going on to confront her, I do plan on it someday. I'd much rather forgive her then live unhappy, we weren't meant to be unhappy anyway, right? Unfortunately, my Father died when I was 10 and I never met my father when he was living. However, I did meet him in spirit.
Anyway, after I saw him, it had been erased from my memory. I just didn't remember! My Mother told me about three months later about it and it sparked a vague memory. I was sitting in my room, paralyzed with sadness. I was a little girl who had been overwhelmed with grief that she would never see her Father. Also, half of her family that had no idea of her existence now wanted to meet her! I heard my name whispered. It was loud enough to get my attention so I turned around. My Mom told me this part, when I turned around, I saw a white light. It scared me so I ran into her room telling her that there was light house outside of my window.
When I turned 11, that was a very hard year. My Mother was unable to mother me because she was so ill. My life was gloomy, I often had suicidal thoughts because I didn't feel loved. I hated myself and wasn't content wit my surroundings. Most of this had to do with my Mom's horrible boyfriend. I hated him. She acted as if she loved him more than me and I'd already had plenty of bad experiences with her boyfriends.
The summer I turned 12, I started to get into spirit guides and such. I also had this love for the South and the Confederacy. I had this spiritual awakening! After the death of my Father, everything and gone down hill. It was truly awful. Coming with developed interest with psychic gifts and angels, I became much happier and began praying. My Mother was just getting worse and I needed a miracle.
I started to trust in the Lord and my angels. That my angels would lead me through such a hard time and that I would have the Lord's blessing.
Now, my Mother is recovering, she is doing surprisingly well for the short time that she has with drawled. I am very religious. I feel the presence of my angels. And I am at peace with myself. I feel loved. Even when I don't feel loved my by family, I know that I am loved my my angels and the Lord. Not that my Mom is recovering, I have forgiven her. She honestly didn't see what she was doing wrong and I love her. We are moving to Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, or somewhere else down there within the next year. Probably the summer before freshman year, no later.
I'm at peace with myself, but I am still not at peace with my surroundings. Through meditation, I've learned that my calling is to forgive, love, heal, and just be a motherly figure. Being born in Yankee territory was a part of my lesson. In most of my other lives, I've lived down South. At one time, my husband was a Confederate soldier and my brother was a Confederate Colonel.
I guess my question is now that I am at peace with myself and my abilities, I need to understand what I am capable personally. Any tips to find that out?
Thanks for listening!:)
I hope y'all have a very happy, beautiful, and hopeful new year filled with blessings!