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Long Term Control of Empathy

 

All my life, I had been told I was very sensitive and emotional. Even at a young age, I was very uncomfortable in crowds or in small places with a lot of people. For years I dismissed this as claustrophobia, but it didn't make sense, because I was perfectly at ease in small spaces by myself.

As I grew up, I started noticing that my friends and even perfect strangers would open up to me about their problems or seek me out when they've had a bad day, as if they were drawn to me. I always found it odd that after talking with them, they would feel better and I felt emotionally drained. It became so bad, I would avoid certain people that always seemed to have a lot of personal problems, which had a huge impact on some of my friendships. To make things worse, after college, I worked in a hospital and would often come home at the end of the day feeling as if I were the one that were sick or had a loved one admitted. Eventually, I transferred out of the hospital to the corporate offices, which seemed to improve my mood drastically.

About five years ago, I met a couple of people who, after getting to know well, helped me realize that what I had been experiencing throughout my life was empathy. At first, it wasn't something I had wanted to hear. I thought it a curse, until I learned how to control it. I'm now 35 years old, and have embraced it, however, I'm finding it more and more difficult to shield and control. I've had a couple recent experiences of being in crowded venues and being around some good friends that were going through a difficult time. I came home feeling like I did years before, only this time, feeling overloaded to the point of a near emotional breakdown. I felt so much anger, not directed toward anything in particular, and then cried non-stop. I honestly thought I was going to go crazy. I put on some uplifting music in hopes to improve my mood, which it eventually did, but it took quite a while for me to come out of the emotional "gutter", so to speak.

Is it normal to have such strong reactions after going years without one? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Wolf, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Timfaraos (426 posts)
 
7 years ago (2015-02-21)
Some people are more sensitive than others. Just like some people are taller or shorter than others. It's not a curse or a blessing, but it's what you DO with it, that makes it a curse or a blessing. If you use it to help others, pray, and fast for them, you'll be blessed. But don't be anxious and panicky about it, you can't save or even help THE WHOLE WORLD, because you are not God!... Just relax, and pray: ' My God and father, Jesus, we leave our past, present and future in your strong and loving hands. We trust you to save us, guide us and protect us, by sending us your holy angels when we need them. Amen!' Read the bible and psalms, and PRACTICE the bible. God bless!
jolene3263 (1 posts)
 
11 years ago (2010-08-26)
Wow... That really explains a lot. I don't think mine is so severe but when I found out that my friend's child stopped breathing in the hospital while the nurse was flirting bothered me. I felt as deeply as if he were my child. He also has CF. It's a little sad because my fiance is a happy go lucky guy and he tells me I feel too much.
vendettaBabes (3 stories) (335 posts)
 
12 years ago (2009-06-13)
This is ValiNyx. I am extremely empathic as well, alike Valeria, I am sometimes so good, that people get creeped out, and run from me. They are afraid because they can sense I know too much about them. More than a normal human being should. Really, sometimes I hate it, because at times it can be VERY hard to not tell someone what they are feeling, but overall, empathy is my favorite ability. It helps people, and with shielding, it can be controled. Please, if you'd like us to try to teach you how to shield, email us at VendettaSiblings [at] hotmail.com or visit our MySpace and message us...You're never alone.

PS; Valeria, you scared me...lol, if I can ever get a hold of you, I shall tell you why.

-ValiNyx
TexasKat (1 posts)
 
12 years ago (2009-06-13)
Wolf,

Thank you for sharing you're experience. I've just discovered I'm an empath and always have been. I always just thought I suffered from extreme mood changes and anxiety. Now at 34 I've actually got a name for what I feel and your post gives me hope I'll actually learn to master it one day.

Thanks,

Kat
jessy2279 (1 posts)
 
12 years ago (2009-06-13)
well I'm 29 and same here its so hard form me I am extrem ly sensitive I can here what pepol are thinking at times if I am relaxed when I got out I'm a super magnet I here and feel everything if enyone no how to melow it down pleas do post some thing eny one like me want to contact me my e mail is jessy2279 [at] gmail.com pleas do I'm open to here what you have to say o and just this don't hold back from saying something becuse you think its stuped becuse it not just say it oks hope to here from some one soon:)
Valeria (1 posts)
 
13 years ago (2009-05-08)
Hello,

I have same thing. I feel people as if I was them, I can't be happy if they are sad and I don't know how I do it. I am that good that I scare or drive people away from me. Especially if they are random people, I can look at them and tell the something and they get surprised hahah. Or I can start crying and feeling pain as if I was them. It is soooo weird! It is very interesting I feel people I can even read them... Seriously some people get freaked out by me! Like my ex, first time I met the guy I told him he had something missing in his life and he was like how did you know my mom died. Or sometimes I just sit there look into someone eyes and tell them something and they say wow its like you speak for me! I don't know how to control it yet because I need to, I can out of nowhere start crying and can't stop. Its jus people like us we have big ❤! It isn't a curse its a gift God granted you to help others you just need to learn how to control it! 🤔 😕
musiclover25 (4 posts)
 
13 years ago (2009-04-17)
i understand what you mean by drained, you know what its like to be a teenager there is a lot of emotional drama in my school, I feel drained everyday and need 2 times more sleep than any of my friends... I turn to god a lot, without even thinking about it, I just start acting like a preacher, lol does this have to do with being an empath?
musiclover25 (4 posts)
 
13 years ago (2009-04-17)
i am 14, just I just realized what I can do, and I am learning how to control this? I feel others pain like my own, if one of my friends are upset I get equally upset, I know what to say to people in a bad situation even if I have never been in it... I need help trying to get a better control of sensing what people are feeling... I want to help people... I am working on controlling when I feel something or not, but its hard to turn it on and off... Any tips?
vendettaBabes (3 stories) (335 posts)
 
13 years ago (2008-11-04)
empathy is not a curse. Well, not completely, anyhow. It can seem like a curse, but to me, it is my most precious gift. God gave it to me as a gift. With my empathy, I can help people re-create themselves, find temselves, understand what they feel, and solve their problems. It gives me a great feeling. But that does not mean that there is not some parts I do not like about it. For example, I feel like I am being electricuted when I touch someone in a room that is too crowded. I also feel the dread of others close to me, as well as my own. Because even though I know just what to say and how to understand others' emotions, when it comes to my own, my mind is blank. I also get very drined when I am not careful, because there is a psyvamp close to me. She might not mean it, but she drains me and I alway have to be in my guard around her. It is really quite annoying not to understand what is going on around you, where all of the weird feelings come from, WHY you feel that way. But you are not alone, remember that, always.

Val.
Shell (3 posts)
 
13 years ago (2008-08-01)
Hi Wolf,

I'm an empath too. It could be that you were overloaded from your friends' stuff and you didn't realize it. And it just built up and you got fried emotionally.

What I suggest is. Even if you feel fine, to guard yourself. Take a lot of baths with epsom salts. Do some form of exercise, that helps to ground me. Also doing things with my hands helps me. I like to bake when I'm emotionally drained.
nature_freak (guest)
 
14 years ago (2008-01-05)
Hi I too am an empath, and was wondering if anyone could tell me how to shield my self from others emotions. At least enough so I can concentrate better in class. Thanks for any help. 😁
nkwong (guest)
 
14 years ago (2007-09-14)
I only found out I am an empath last week after all these years. I always feel bad about myself, especially in the presence of certain friends or relatives. I thought I was just depressed at times, but it turns out that I am very sensitive to how other people feel.

Accidentally I ran into one website which gave ten character traits of an empath, and I possess all ten. With this understanding, I am exploring and investigating what that means spiritually, being an empath in my life script.

What is the purpose of having empathy? Is it a curse or challenge? Mostly how to monitor this trait and use it for somebody's good and relieve me of the bad feelings. Even before this discovery, I learned to release foreign energy in my Heart as a meditation warm up and turning my attention inward. Then this discovery!

I welcome similar experiences from other empath, for as I said I am new to this. So, any story or explanation of empathy emotionally and spiritually are welcome! I really would like to learn more.
super (guest)
 
14 years ago (2007-09-14)
Hey it is so simple... I too suffered a lot because of the empathy... Use the good fragrence...perfume...
you will be alright in fraction of seconds...
BeautyBroken (1 stories) (7 posts)
 
14 years ago (2007-09-13)
After reading this I begin to wonder if I'm an empath? I can usually read someone as soon as they approach me, or even across a room. I am asked for advice a lot and asked to listen to someone when they have a problem. I never mind doing so, I would want the same from my friend, but afterward, I feel like I'm the one who should be looking for sympathy. Other people's pain or distress really gets to me. Am I an empath, or just highly sensitive?
Wolf (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
14 years ago (2007-09-07)
Asepodonet - Thank you so much for your comments. As for my astrological sign, I'm not a Cancer, I'm a Gemini actually. I'm not sure if heredity plays into it at all, but my mother has always shown empathic traits. She's a registered nurse (since retired), worked in Labor and Delivery for many years. I'm also in health care. Looking back on things, she used to behave exactly as I did in crowds, with friends in need, and in stressful situations. To this day, we have this wonderful bond. Usually as I'm about to pick up the phone and call her, she'll call me (or vice versa). We finish each other's sentences and often will answer each other's questions before they're asked. She's always been very in tune with nature as well.

Karenlee - You're describing so many things that I went through before I discovered I was an empath. One thing that I would suggest is reading about how to control and shield yourself when you don't want to "let the feelings in". Empathy is an amazing gift and it's something I've come to appreciate a great deal, but it's also a burden at times. Sometimes you do have to take the good with the bad. However, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Now that I know how to control it (most of the time), I've been able to use it to help out my friends, loved ones, and even complete strangers - whether they realize it or not.

Years ago, I used to work security every once in a while in a large night club as a favor for my friend that owned it. I'm not big on crowds, obviously, but it was a favor to him, and I have a hard time refusing when people ask for my help. By "scanning" emotions of the crowd and reading body language (which all can do, empathic or not, just takes practice and keen observation) I was able to quickly identify potential problem situations before they happened. Even when things did go wrong and there were disagreements or altercations, I was able to step in and almost instantly diffuse them. I'm not sure exactly how I do it, it's just something I've always been able to do. My good friend, who's a very gifted empath, calls me a guardian. I'm still not sure what he means by it, I'm almost afraid to ask :).

Anyway, I'm off on a tangent, to answer your question about being born an empath or if it can develop over time, I honestly don't know. With me, it's something I've always seemed to have, however, like any gift or talent, sometimes it takes a while to realize what you have and it takes time to really understand and cultivate it. I like to compare it to musical or artistic talents.

Some children show a tremendous affinity toward music and art. I've heard 6 year olds that can play the violin better than some trained adults. But how did the child know he/she could play the violin until it was held in their hands for the first time? Imagine the child never picked up the violin until 20 years of age and was able to learn very quickly and become a great musician. The innate gift was always there, it just 20 years to realize it.

See, it's all about that first spark... The first time you do something to recognize your gift or talent. I'm not sure if these are the correct answers, but it's something that I've always believed. Be patient with it. Read about it. But most of all, don't deny the gift you have.
Karenlee (guest)
 
14 years ago (2007-09-06)
I am glad someone is saying this. I thought I must be just an overly sensitive person, but it's kind of hard to pinpoint. Just about a week ago as I was walking a about a block and a half to two blocks from e, I saw firetrucks and abulances. I went closer and as soon as I looked at the overturned car on it's side, oh my god I just started to cry and felt so uncomfortable I couldn't look anymore, it made me so sad it affected me. No one was in the car. I asked someone if everyone is alright, they told me they were going to be okay. But, even after hearing this, I still became quite emotional again, ha. I would look at others and they act like they're just okay or a little shocked and here I am crying. Also, I am extremely sensitive whenever it comes to movies or shows on tv, it's like ha I just cry and sometimes become overly sensitive. Does anyone experience this feeling? I read on the About.com site I think it's the Healing one, and it talked about empaths. I even took a quiz and it stated I was a natural born epath. It's funny since sometimes I get so cranky and appear to be mean, then this other really soft side comes out. But, I know I'm a sweet and nice person. You know, another thing ... There were times when I'd be outside or something and as soon as I sense someone coming or see them come out, I start to get very uncomfortable like I want to just walk away, it becomes so bothersome. But, I like people it's just hard to be around them sometimes. I even run away at times when others come out or come near, ha ha ha it's so funny. Or I even dissapear as soon as I hear someone coming or hear footsteps, I was starting to begin to think that I fear people, but nah that can't be since I have been around people a lot before and didn't feel this way from what I recall. Can this 'empath' thing develop at anytime, then how are you a born empath? Unless I am just becoming more sensitive, what do you know? I have even cried over seeing an insect get killed and made a huge deal out of my friend squashing the poor fly on the wall, I was actually quite upset! Usually people let it go. So it all sounds quite hilarious. Sometimes I think I should be more like everyone else, that I am not the normal one it's not normal to feel this way while I see others not get too emotional over the smallest thing. But, I am strong and try to dismiss it and embrace who I am because it's me. Please don't always listen to others or have them tell you or influence who you should be- if it feels okay, then what's the harm.
Oh, and you're not going to believe this; once my mouse was sick you wouldn't believe how worried I became and how I treated him as if he were human. I drove him immediately a long way to the hospital. I was speeding over this. I thought I was crazy. Well, they took the little guy in and did what they could but he died. I ended up paying the bill too and I didn't have the little mousey for long. I don't know what you call this. Is that strange? For some reason I feel like there is nothing wrong with caring for a little mouse, or even praying for an injured insect. Sounds Empathetic huh, that's em-path ... Not path-etic.
I also wonder if there could be another explanation to this like if it's just great anxiety that causes you to act & feel this way, I don't know. It's possible that "empaths" exist and it's real. Is that related to being "psychic" too? Psychics must be very sensitive.

Thanks and God bless
Asepodonet (guest)
 
14 years ago (2007-09-05)
You are an empath too, I remember being like you, feeling overly sorry like it was your fault that someone suffered, even an hurt animal makes you cringe. You probably apologize a lot too, even when you are not at fault. Are you a cancer? I am and it is true that the lunar soothing tide like nature I have sometimes gets cyclonic, like a tidal wave and I don't realize it. Anyways, be OBJECTIVE not SUBJECTIVE, it really helps a lot. Remember to be nice but not too nice, as some people are psychic vampires and will drain you unconsciously or, sometimes on purpose with negative powers. You can learn to surf your empathic waters and master them without getting drained

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