I am still not even sure if I am anything, at all. But so many people tell me that I am. Or, if nothing else, I am extremely scary to be near, at times. Not long ago, I met my first and only love, online, and we got to know each other and it went from there. As it turned out, she was a medium. However, none of this will be about details of her. More to the point, it will be about my main question: Am I just insane, or is there really something to me?
My love had me speak to a few psychics she had also met online to help me... Better know what it meant to be a psychic, I suppose, since she felt I may be one, myself, from some of the things I had told her, and just from an odd experience we had, together, during a web cam session. It was just I, on the web cam, with her watching, and me just giving scary looks. I always enjoyed giving her a bit of a scare, in all honesty. But one night when I tried it, I, instead, started staring into the camera intensely and really, I am not even sure why I did it. I just felt it would be interesting. And as I kept staring, she told me she couldn't look away. After it was over, she told me it was like I had hypnotized her. She even said that, as it was happening, she felt hot, like flames her licking at her arms.
Now, back to these other psychics that I brought up, earlier. After that, she wanted me to speak to this member of the TAPS forums she knew, that happened to be a psychic. Members of TAPS are generally not psychics, mind you, but he was. But as I spoke to him, he soon decided I did not feel right, or whatever his exact words were. To sum his thoughts up, he felt I was dangerous, in some fashion, and wanted to have nothing else to do with me, and advised my love to take the same action. She ignored him, of course. She's always said she loves me, even if I am scary. And just in my defense, it is not as if I try to scare people. I just... do. Even before I started dressing as oddly as I do, I seemed to have that affect on people.
All of these things happened around my 18-19th years of life, as well. I never really had any major events happen. I've had some dreams come true; a very chilling dream when I was 5, that I still remember, perfectly, to this day, about some odd... shadowy-shape with eyes; I've been suddenly awoken by my bed suddenly being lifted, then dropped, as well as by sudden knocks on windows with no one being around; I've heard odd laughter and voices, from time to time, and seen a few chilling sights. My only problem is that I am still greatly unsure as to whether I am psychic, or anything. I cannot do anything. Not by choice, at least. I've experimented with draining a person's energy, through physical contact, and it seemed to work... But I cannot even seem to do that, anymore.
My wife sees things often. Normally, things I miss as they happen, but see the effects, like a doll being moved, or such. But she sees things, constantly. She has times when nothing happens, of course, but then she can have a week full of utter horrors. Where as all I get are abnormally vivid dreams, at times, with strangers in them speaking to me in a way that greatly steps out of the bounds of my dreams, and, sometimes, I can feel things. Like that phrase "Someone walking over your grave..." I get that feeling, but far greater than just a "little chill..." It is like if the grim reaper was real, and standing directly behind you; that would be how strong these feelings can get.
But, couldn't I only be experiencing things by knowing my wife? Such as her being what she is, is what is allowing me to see or do things? Maybe I have no skills, at all? And what I really fear is trying to meditate. Fear of maybe triggering something truly bad that I cannot control. Bringing something into the house that can cause harm. I just have too many questions, not enough answers, and simply want to know what I am. Why I have seen what little I have, and heard what I have. I am sorry this was so long; I've just had a lot built up. And as much as I love her, my wife is just not able to help me as much as she wants to. She just has too much of a personal interest invested in me to be unbiased.