Honestly, I feel a little foolish sometimes when relaying my experiences with anyone, but I feel strongly that this is a good idea. I would like to point out right now that although I am still technically a teen, in no way is this story exaggerated. I am not posting this for attention. I truly wish to tell you what I have seen and felt and gain some insight and advice on what to do. There are three things I'd like to share with you:
First, that I have been followed by some entity or spirit since childhood. It has watched me from the shadows- quite literally. I remember when I was a toddler I would sit in my bed, staring through the cracks in the pantry door. I saw red eyes staring back at me, unblinking. Strange noises played through my tape player, and I could not stand to have any doll in my room for fear of it seeing me. I also have suffered from chronic nightmares since I was that age. On the rare nights I don't have them, I have precognitive dreams. My Grandmother has them too. This entity has never, I believe, openly threatened me. I can feel him near me always, sometimes chillingly close and others so distant I can forget about him. I constantly see dark shadows around myself that flit out of sight before I can get a good look at them. Also, the drams seem to stop whenever we move, but it always starts again after a short period, as if following me. A close friend told me that she saw him near me, but she didn't think he meant to harm me. He has kept me from astral projecting. I have tried on my own and with guidance, but he hovers above me like a shield, forcing me to stay earth-bound. I have never been able to contact him, but I wish to know who he is, what he is, and what he wants with me.
Second, as odd as it may sound, I am afraid that there may be some sort of curse on my mother, myself, or the family in general. Our family on my mother's side has a history of psychic gifts. My grandma is precognitive- she often has visions that are more often than not true. My mother is an empath and skilled at divination. So far, I believe that my main skills lie in dreams. But I'm still young, so there is time to explore. A tarot reader once said that I am gifted strongly enough to make a career of it if I choose, but provided no other details. The only other possibly relevant thing I can think of is that for some reason, our family (again, on my mom's side going up through the women) age very slowly. At nineteen I look fourteen. At thirty nine my mother looks thirty at most. Also, I've noticed something strange while looking at our family history. My great-grandma's grandmother was a wicked woman. She locked up children in closets and attics, a rather radical way of following the 'children should be seen and not heard' viewpoint. Her daughter was kind and everyone loved her. My great-grandma was harsh and cynical and loved bringing everyone down. My grandmother was always smiling and loving. My mother is selfish and does not think of others. I'm not evil or bad, just stupid- but like I said, I'm young. Now as to the 'curse'- My mother and I have suffered extremely bad luck. She cannot keep a husband and keeps having health problems and losing her job. I seem incapable of coming out of my depression and keep on hurting those around me. No matter what we do, where we go, we always end up at the bottom all over again. Things might be okay for a while, then next thing we know, Mom lost her job, bills can't be paid, we have to leave before we're evicted. Perhaps the dreams have something to do with this? Or is it bad karma?
Third, I would like to mention that while any help is welcome and appreciated, I am not of the Christian faith, so suggesting prayer, while thoughtful, isn't going to help. If anyone can offer any insight into this, please comment. Thank you.