I am a teacher. I have taught 11th and 12th grade students for several years now. However, never in my life have I ever experienced a tragedy involving a student before. Less than a year ago, I had to go through what no teacher, mother, or father should ever have to endure. I lost one of my students in a car crash. He just graduated and was still so young. He was actually one of those students who I thought of as more like a son than a student. We would talk every day, all day, and he would share so much of his life with me as I would him. Anyway, I can still feel his departure. I mean, I'm not sure I've really dealt with it, and I constantly feel a heaviness in my chest.
Getting to the point, I have had some unusual things happen to me since he died. Okay, this part may sound strange and perhaps it is a coincidence, but here goes... It seems like butterflies have become attracted to me. Please, don't laugh. I know I would, but they are in abundance, not just the occasional butterfly. It's like none could be seen outside, then I walk outside and sit in my car and they are all around my car. They try to get in my car, in my house, and one has even gotten in my car and landed on my chest. If this weren't happening to me, I would probably laugh at the picture this clearly makes in your mind. But, hopefully, you can tell that I am not full of it. I am a pretty smart individual (most times). This has never happened before.
To move on, yes, I have had the dreams of him visiting (I know dreams are not discussed on here, but in one of them, he says nothing, only mentions another student's name, then disappears) but I've also started to see things out of the corner of my eye. It's kind of like, I turn around because I feel like someone is there, but no one is and instead I see these black shadows. Not sure what they are, they are not defined, it's like I catch the tail-end of someone, kind of like a "whisper" of something. Within a week to two weeks after seeing this or feeling this, someone I know dies. One uncle has died and then another one is sick and will not be out of the hospital. The doctor has told the family to prepare for his death. Then, just a couple of days ago, another student died.
I really need some insight into this. I'm not your average spirit skeptic and neither am I a hardcore believer, but what is happening to me is intriguing but scary. I don't know what to make of it.
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For starters, this student also knows how much you miss him. They know all our feelings. It is often their wish that we accept that they are gone but also know how happy they are. I mourned my grandmother for the longest time until she came to me in a dream and told me she was very well and to move on. They are only "dead" in that they have shed their physical shell.
As for the butterflies, to say it has no meaning would discredit a lot of people who believe in totems, signs, hidden meaning, etc. Do we know everything in this universe and what it all means? Of course not. However, what it means is probably going to come from you and not one of us. How does it make you feel? If it's happy and relaxed it may be someone who has moved on using that 'vehicle' to touch you without upsetting you. Who doesn't love a butterfly? If it was a mosquito or wasp I doubt you'd have the same reaction!
Whether you intentionally pursue your spirituality or not, it will always find ways of prodding you into growth. That can be questing what you think you know, contemplating life after death, seeing things out of the corner of your eye that lead you to sights like this and so on.
The good news is that you're rational, sane, and it appears opening up to more than what meets the naked eye. This is a great opportunity to keep opening up and see what other marvels await you.
Thanks for sharing.
Anne