I really don't know where to start here. I thought about posting here yesterday, but aside from my Fiance I haven't spoken to anyone else about this experience, and I don't know who I would even talk to.
I'm 29 years old and I have just recently had an experience that scared the crap out of my Fiance (John). I was scared when it started that Friday night (nov. 1st, 2013) but as it progressed I felt calm and guided. My mother died Oct. 30, 2004, her birthday was the 27th of October and I've only had three conversations with her in dreams since her passing where she is actually talking back to me. Although I talk to her regularly like, "mom I miss you and wish you were here" and if something stupid happens to me I tell her "I know you told me so" kind of thing but I never hear a reply.
I was completely conscious and talking through this entire ordeal. But I had no sense of time.
Now, Friday night the way everything started was scary and painful. It started in my ears, feeling like someone was pushing on my ears and creating pressure. The top of my head started hurting and I could visualize the top of my head opening. I started to feel very uneasy, sick to the stomach, I was scared and didn't know why. John insisted I lay down and helped me to bed. Once in bed it felt like 3 different people were pulling on me, on both of my legs, and my left arm. And where they had their grip on me it hurt, it felt like it burnt me, but they didn't have faces, they were just shadowy figures crouched beside the bed pulling on me, and I SWORE they were going to drag me to hell. This was scaring the crap out of me and John, he wanted to go get help but I felt he was the only thing grounding me, keeping me here. I told him I think I need a catholic priest, (but I'm not Catholic) I'm burning where these things are touching me, they're pulling and it's hurting, and it feels like they are TRYING to breathe into me.
Then this older woman, I have no clue who she was, started guiding me. She never said anything but she was trying to get my attention over the pain, to focus on her, and she was deliberately trying to make me laugh. I couldn't focus on anything else it was so bright around her, I couldn't see anything but her. And she did successfully get me to laugh. The more I focused on her the cooler I felt, I wasn't hurting, but it still burnt where those things had a hold of me. She was wearing only the bottom of her dentures and would stick them out and suck them back into mouth and look at me to get my reaction as she was leading me. She was a short, older woman, with short Salt and Pepper hair, wearing a purple dress. She lead me to my mother and kind of sidestepped out of the way to let her talk to me.
I was no longer feeling any pain in my ankles or my left wrist, and the shadowy figures were gone but it still ached where they had their hold on me, but now all I could focus on was my mom. And she looked so sad, so my initial reaction was to apologize, and she spoke to me but not like a normal conversation, she spoke directly to my ears or my mind without moving her lips. And I could feel how OVERWHELMINGLY sorry she was, she was sorry she left, sorry that we (my brother and I) miss her so much, sorry she wasn't more present, and sorry that she could only see me 3 times since she died, but I wasn't ready. But she showed me this connection that her and I have. This connection was like a white light filled tube that came out of me right below my chest almost my belly button. This connection connected me to her and she motioned to everything around her and I could hear "all of this". And just then another woman enter from the right.
(John is still beside me and I felt he was helping to keep me here, or I could possibly float away. Like I had to remain aware of him, he was my grounding, he was my roots to this "plane" of existence. If that makes any sense.)
This woman is very friendly, but commands attention, I can only describe her hair, long flowing blonde hair but I couldn't tell you recognizable features of her face or even if she was wearing anything. She felt like a teacher or a guide. And she wanted me to follow her. She showed me what looked like a control panel all lit up and blinking and made me sense that all was working properly, that my mother and I & her and I's connection was working and it's something that will always work. It's always there just not always as active.
The blonde leads me to what I can only describe as an EXTREMELY FULL auction house and like I'm the auctioneer. All the while people are filling in more and more in my peripheral vision and it's getting so loud. She's telling me to focus, focus on me and the room will get smaller. There will always be A lot of people but focus on me right now. I see this older gentleman in the back of the room trying with all his might to get my attention and he does but my guide snaps me back to her and says not right now. And I feel like I have tunnel vision, like she's standing at the end of a hallway. You have to learn this before they mean anything. Focus or it will be loud, and I felt almost panicked and wanted to push all of this away, and I started to feel uneasy, sick to my stomach my head was starting to hurt and she made me feel that this will happen the more I attempt to ignore it, this urge to vomit/ the sweaty bad feeling. SO I have no choice but to accept this, and I get the feeling there's more, so much more but I have to learn, I have to focus. The feelings subside and now I'm so thirsty and John is offering me water, ugh I don't want water, he offers me soda and I imagine this sickening sweet drink, ugh I don't want soda. So he offers me apple cider and I'm consciously thinking EWW the soda was too sweet I know the cider will be and that older woman comes back in the picture. She looks right at me laughing and points to herself, "yea I want cider but Jenna you're not the one who is thirsty and you need to know the difference." As soon as I told John I wasn't thirsty it was that older woman who was, I was no longer thirsty.
I feel people telling me, he won't believe you and they are pointing at him. But that doesn't matter now, he will in time or he won't. I don't need him to believe me to validate what is happening to me. I see, sense, feel these people. And now the right side of my body feels heavy, very heavy, I can't lift it off the bed, I feel like the side of my face is sliding down, and I get 3:07, like on a digital clock and I feel like it's a stroke and I almost question it, and this woman, whom I know, who is still alive is pointing and agreeing, this is what a stroke feels like. It's a stroke, 3:07. And I'm compelled to write this down. It's going to be important. Is this something that is happening to me? I don't feel like it is. Is it going to happen soon? And I have a feeling like I'm rolling forward heed over heels. But I don't roll far, if I had to think of when, it would be between now and March. But I don't know if the woman who is telling me "yes it's a stroke" is significant.
The blonde, my guide wants me to focus on this picture of a gentleman, and she wants me to feel his name, and All I can get is an ald or old sound at the end, like Donald, Harold, Gerald, and they always end in ald or old. (The beginning of the name looks like it's flipping on an old train station sign letters flipping in but always ending in Ald or old.) He has a military air about him, Old green uniform, and I see two horizontal lines, but I don't know ranks and I don't know even if it's a rank, but they are gold lines bordered in black. And my guide is urging me to learn, learn more about more things so I can relate to more information.
They start talking to me about John and I's relationship, and lately it's been very rocky, extremely rocky, just with ourselves no outside influences. And I feel guided to write Trust-both, words, feelings, each other, whole together, fun and food. And then they explain, we both have to "trust" each other, mind our "words" before we say them, Think how the other person will "feel" before we say or do, "Food" will be the one thing to bring us "together" like choosing together what to eat or cook, maybe a cooking a class it will be "fun". They described us as I was my own puzzle, and he was his own, we could have lived different lives without each other if we were never aware of the other. Both our puzzles had straight edges all around before we met. But now that we have met the right side of my puzzle and the left of his are merging to create on big puzzle, one big picture, but without each other the sides of our puzzles will stay unfinished. They won't close off, because we are aware of the other.
I get this list of numbers and the 2 is surrounded in a red. The blonde lady wants me to focus on my forehead, this is where I turn it on and off. She is reassuring me it's only just the beginning, but I need guidance. At this point John is sound asleep beside me, and the blonde tells me that we will meet again later but for now I should try to rest. It's been an eventful night. The next morning, John and I are talking about what had just happened and the blond energy leans over John and is trying to reassure him that it's all going to be ok, this is what I am meant to do. But he doesn't hear her, he just feels cold.
That afternoon I ran to the book store, I needed help, I wanted guidance, I want information. John and I have talked about what happened over and over again. But God bless him, he looks inquisitive and I have plenty of questions, and he can't answer them. HE doesn't know what it was, but he's supportive, and assures me he believes me he just doesn't know what to make of it and frankly neither do I. But I've had several experiences throughout my life, none nearly as vivid or as long or as in depth, just simple things like right before my grandmother died, I was 7, she sat at the end of my bed, saying she loved me, she's always with me, and she didn't want me to feel sad. Yet she was laying in a hospital bed 2 hours away, dying from cancer that had metastasized to her brain and was unable to speak the last couple months of her life. Most of my experiences up until this point happened in dreams, which I rarely ever do, I have the hardest time sleeping, falling asleep and staying asleep. I had a dream before I met John of a guy who's face I couldn't make out, just a profile of the person, with a shaved head, and there will children 3-4 in the backseat. I jumped out of the truck and hurried across the street because I was late and the guy came up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist, and said what's the hurry, we're exactly where were supposed to be. Then I heard John's voice, long before I seen his face, and I just had this feeling I knew him from before, not this existence but he was familiar, and he was that guy from that dream.
But now, I feel like this blonde is always with me, I've asked her what her name is and I feel Sarah or Annabelle, but I think Annabelle is the older woman dressed in purple with the dentures. I've questioned that maybe this was just a fluke, that maybe I was dreaming, but I assure you I was conscious. Maybe it was food poisoning, but he ate the same things. And Why would I still feel her, "Sarah", now? 4 days later? When I try to ignore it or forget it my head hurts and my stomach starts to hurt and feel queasy.
I have oddles and oodles of questions...
What was that experience? Am I becoming a medium? What psychic abilities do I have? Where do I go from here? Who can I talk to about this?
I want to thank whoever takes the time to read this in it's entirety, who decides to respond to me, I feel lost yet I feel as if I have just been found.