I have been debating for some time as to whether or not I should post this as it's personal and I feel slightly foolish, but I need to get it off my chest and perhaps get a little advice if anyone fancies reading this epistle. I've never considered myself to be psychic, but this goes beyond great imagination... And at this point tossing my thoughts out into the universe is the only thing that seems to make sense.
When I was twelve I met this boy through a rather amusing series of events. As a child I was always a bit of a loner, not by choice, but simply because children seemed to not warm to me. On the day this boy and I met I had watched as some girls I knew made plans to go to the beach together. I longed to be invited to join, but knew it was hopeless.
A little while later while rollerblading around the marina (I grew up in a family of sailors) where I lived, and desperately trying to work out what was so wrong with me, I started a one-way conversation with God. Basically I questioned if it was too much to ask that I might have just one friend to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences with. I hadn't even finished that thought when I heard someone say, "Oh thank God, someone my own age."
We clicked instantly, talking about everything and nothing, and when we each had to go home the peace I had felt turned into this strange feeling of not wanting to be separated. We made plans to meet the next day, ending up at the annual boaters thanksgiving party, and then walking the beach together while he picked seashells for me to listen to. His family was leaving the next day to continue their travels, and we were discussing ways to stay in contact when he said he wished I could go with him. Ultimately we agreed to exchange addresses and write to each other.
A few days after he left I received a letter saying he missed me and that it felt like a hundred years had passed. For reasons I will never fully understand I didn't write back. I thought about him every day, and tried to ignore the empty feeling that came to light after he left, but no matter how many times I started to write nothing was sent.
Over the months this strong sense of longing grew, and I started to have these reoccurring dreams. At first they were of this little girl playing on a rocky beach, and of her meeting a boy fishing, but as they progressed the boy and girl grew up and came to love each other. That sounds pretty standard I know, but what I can't explain is that I have never been or seen where this dream occurred, the girl always wore long dark dresses not of this time, and rode a horse bareback along dark coastal cliffs. During the dream I felt like she and I were one, I could feel the cold damp air on my/her skin and smell the salty air, and feel the horse galloping. Perhaps the hardest part was how strongly I felt her love for the young man.
Three years later when I was fifteen my family and I arrived home from a Christmas dinner with friends to a message on our answering machine from none other than the young boy that I had lost touch with. His family was back at the old marina where I once lived, and he had gone around the entire place until he found someone who knew my family and how to contact me. He was going to be there for a few days and wanted to see me. It was the same feeling again; as if no time had passed we just were at peace with each other. Then on the final day we were going to meet up when a friend of my mothers called and asked if her daughter could come over. My mother wasn't keen, and kept saying she didn't think it was a good idea, but I told her not to be crazy, and that she could go visit my friend with me. The day went well until the evening when I left the girl with my friend while I went to have a quick word with my mother. When I arrived back they were gone so I walked around looking for them only to see a kiss.
The betrayal I felt was so painful I could barely breath. I couldn't remember ever thinking of him that way, yet with that one glimpse I felt as if something had just gone terribly wrong, that I should have been there in her place. I left without a word, even as he called after me, and spent the next two weeks crying myself to sleep.
Sometime after that I started having another reoccurring dream. In this one I was a young woman living in northern Italy I think while the invasions by Germanic tribes were taking place. I was an herbalist, and was out gathering the day my home was attacked. I arrived back to ashes, a dying father, and the news that my adopted sister had been taken. With my father dead I had nothing, so I decided I would try to go after my sister. Ultimately I was captured by scouts and kept prisoner. Often I would get a sense that someone was watching me from the shadows at night, and sometimes I would catch sight of a young man.
Somehow I came to be freed and allowed to move about the camp. Then I finally met and communicated with the young man who had always watched me. He had a kind and gentle soul, and I found myself growing more and more attached to him. The last part I remember is that there was a battle, and that he was obligated to be a part of it. In the dream I desperately tried to come up with reasons for him not to. The dream always ended with me feeling his death, seeing him as if he were in front of me, and my dying in the attempt to reach him. There have been other dreams since, but this one has always lingered, I suppose because every time I woke from it I could feel the pain of how I died, and his loss.
I couldn't get this dream out of my thoughts, and for some reason it always led to thoughts of the young man I had met in the present. I found him a few years later, and we spoke over the phone getting on like before, but when we saw each other once again in person something was wrong. I've always had a strong sense of what people feel, to the point where it can be unnerving at times, and I still feel unhinged by this last meeting. He wasn't at peace anymore, but angry, and frustrated, like he was fighting an internal battle. I knew he was having issues with his girlfriend at the time, but I got the sense that the strange energy had something to do with me. When we were near each other, or accidentally touched one another it feel a bit like an electric shock, and it there was a vibratory hum coming from my core.
The last time we were in touch he told me our paths had actually first crossed when we were six, and that his father had a picture of us together. For years I have tried to make sense of everything, but I'm at a loss. We never really kept in touch after that, yet as hard as I try to forget the past... Thoughts of him come to me, often a few days before the anniversary of our second meeting, usually when that has been the last thing on my mind.
My question at the end of all this is... Could there be a connection between the young man in the dreams, and the one I met in this life, and a reason for why I feel something is always missing.