But more of needing some questions answered in the quasi-form of a story. I think we have all had those moments where we just didn't feel right and we couldn't explain it. I've heard it described a lot of times as "bad vibes" or feeling like there is a dark cloud hanging over one's head. I've had these kinds of moments, off and on, for most of my adult life.
The first of these was my grandfather's death when I was 13. He had been in and out of the hospital a lot leading up to his death, and so when he went in for the final time and the doctors had assured us that everything was going to be fine and he was looking good, and he ends up passing that night, I wasn't the least bit surprised. I was in school when he had been taken in, meaning I had absolutely no idea there was anything wrong, but when walking home I had this fleeting thought of "My grandfather is probably going to die tonight." When it happened, and we received a phone call from the hospital that fateful night, I had this feeling of "I told you so" wash over me when I saw my mother crying. It wasn't like I wondered if maybe he would pass soon, I felt certain that this was probably the night it was going to happen. That was the first time I had experienced anything like that and by far the mildest of what would soon turn into normalcy for me.
As I grew out of my teenage years these moments became more consistent and more powerful. They would start off as weird feelings and something would, of course, happen that would get me thinking. But as we are so often told to do, I chalked it up as coincidence and shook it off as being ridiculous thoughts.
But more and more of this started occurring. I would (and still do) get deja vu almost daily. I've had dreams where I wholeheartedly believed to be communicating with my grandfather (the dreams were way too realistic and grounded for me to see them as just dreams) among others who I almost felt were trying to speak with me, though when I'd wake up most of the night's dreams I had either forgotten or seemed senseless.
Then came the relationships. In relationships I think all of us have worries and fears, but mine started turning into much more than that. I'd get these sensations that all was not well. I'd relentlessly pester my significant other at the time if everything was ok, if she was SURE everything was ok, almost to the point of absurdity. No matter how many times I told myself my fears were probably just irrational, or would be told that it was all in my head, I couldn't shake the feeling that something just was not right. I would be told everything was fine and I was just imagining things, of course. Then 2-4 days later it always turned out the same; I would be told there was, in fact, something wrong. This has happened consecutively for 8 years, without fail, and for a good while I just tried telling myself they were wild coincidences, and that worked- for a while.
As if I didn't feel weird enough already, before these thoughts/dreams/feeling would occur, I would have these image-packed nightmares, some very hard to describe even immediately after they happened, and would find that I had become incredibly paranoid and my body felt completely exhausted. I felt drained of absolutely everything, and just couldn't shake these feelings of something being "off." And, sure enough, something would happen. Whether it be an argument, break up, death, injury, lay off, anything you can imagine. They almost feel like warning signs and I tend to think that if I could piece together my dreams after they occur I'd more than likely find evidence in them to support my claims.
I'm usually the kind of person who's mind is constantly racing. I'm a writer and I'm always finding new things to write about or book/script ideas. It's a very rare time for me when I feel as if I'm completely out of ideas, but when these moments occur I don't just feel out of ideas, I feel as if my mind has drawn an utter blank. It's hard for me to think anything or feel anything, and I find myself staring off into space and being totally unable to hold a conversation. It's like I space out but literally drift off into space. And to go along with that, the body fatigue more often than not happens right along with that.
I've been confused about these feelings/thoughts for a long time, and have only now started toying with the notion of some sort of clairvoyance. Do any of you have any ideas or even any explanations? Really curious to know what you think.