My Dad and I were very close. Two peas in a pod. We could sit in silence and it felt as though we had conversed all afternoon. It always seemed I could feel him and that was how I knew what he wanted to say. Several times over the years I have had experiences where I just had to get to him because I feared something horrible would happen if I didn't. He owned and ran a construction company, which required him to work all over the county. I could get into my car and drive to wherever he may be without having any prior knowledge of where his jobs were. In 2007 the mortgage crisis drove my Dad out of business and pretty much tanked his good name, his good credit and his sense of self worth. He was shattered. Over the next 4 years I watched his spirit slowly die. Suddenly my strong, protective father who made all the world's ugliness go away needed me to do that for him. I don't know how it happened, maybe just the constant sense of crisis, but I tuned out the inner voice that connected us. The Tuesday before my dad died he had a full medical evaluation that showed him to be in good health physically. That following weekend he spent with my mother doing the things they loved to do in the past, but couldn't for several years because of finances. She said it felt like a date; he held her hand, which he never did. There was no sense on my end that he would be gone the evening of September 27th 2010. That day I awoke with the crazy urge to go see him. All day I battled that feeling. I had been sick and couldn't decide to go out or stay in to finish getting better. I asked my children to go and see Grandpa. They did not want to go out. Still, the feeling nagged me. That evening I had to drive to the store to get the makings for dinner. I had procrastinated and dinner would be late, but I decided to go anyway. The way to the store intersects with the road up to my parents' house. I approached the light and felt the almost irrepressible urge to turn left rather than go straight to the store. As I passed onward, I felt intense guilt for not going up, Though I did not know why. It was 6:32pm. I arrived to the store, got my cart and walked in. Just as I entered the store I got the strangest feeling I have ever felt in my life. It started around my face, shoulders and arms. It was a warm, fuzzy, insulated feeling that made everything around me seem to be outside of me and muffled. Like no matter what I was ok. It felt like pure love and comfort. I remember noting the oddness of it and liking the way it felt. I went about my shopping with that feeling along the whole time. I got to the register and it faded away. I realized that I had not got the ingredients for the dinner I intended to make, but rather a dinner my father loved so much. I also had pork rinds. I find those to be pretty gross and have only bought them on a couple prior occasions; for my father. As I drove home I approached the turn to my father's house. This time I debated briefly, but felt as though I should not go up. I told myself I would bring him some of the dinner I made later in the evening. I remember the song on the radio was the Black Eyed Peas' "I've got a feeling [tonight's going to be a good night]" and feeling unusually happy and exhilarated. I have chronic pain and felt none of that. The next several hours passed with the strangest, happiest most energized of feelings. My husband even asked what was up as he noticed the difference in me. I simply felt good, like I could do anything. I was giddy. At about 1030 that night the phone rang. I am an RN and my mother always calls me first before 911 in an emergency, No matter what I say. She was crying and yelling, saying she thought my father was dead. He was. As it turned out he had gone outside to tinker in the garage and sit on the stoop near the front yard as he was won't to do nightly. He called my mom around 6pm on his cell phone [his leg was arthritic and he didn't like to climb all the stairs to the house] and told her to come outside because "there were thousands of birds in the front yard" and it was "the most beautiful thing he had ever seen". She didn't go out because she was making dinner. When she realized he had not come in several hours later she went to find him. He was in a sitting position and had lain down flat next to the hydrangea bush. He was hidden somewhat, so she had not seen him right away. The last phone number he called was at about 6:32pm. I called it and was told by the recipient that he had said some words, but did not hang up, The phone just went dead. That was at about the time I got the weird feeling in the store. This was a bitter sweet experience for me. I am so thankful I had the time with him when he died. I am so tormented by wondering if things could have been different had I gone there that day and noticed something I could have helped. When we got into our car to return home after the medics were through, the song on the radio was my favorite part of "Stairway to Heaven". I found that both ironic and amazing. Since then I have had several odd experiences. That week I received a phone call that was titled "unknown" with 000-000-0000 as the phone number [I have never had that happen before or since]. When I answered there was just static, but I had a strange feeling. Who knows. I hope wherever Dad is he is at peace and feeling that exhilarating energy, peace and freedom I felt that evening. Few people deserve it more. I love you Dad.
I Felt My Dad's Spirit Pass
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