Always been very sensitive to animals. I was "talking" with animals before I was talking to people. I say talking but it isn't the same as talking as in speaking words. I do talk out loud but I feel something when I am near an animal it just depends on its mood. I remember once I found a scared kitten that was very frightened and hissed and clawed at everything that came near it, but once I got my hand on him he suddenly became very docile and started purring.
If emotion was light it would be like we are sharing our light with each other. If I feel fear I try give them my light, my emotion and they calm down. All my life I have done this with animals and have never had a problem with it, but recently something happened.
There are animals I don't as easily bond with. Dogs. Well dumb dogs. I am not saying that to be mean it is just a fact. Like I can feel if they are simple minded. My mom's dog is like that. I had no problems with my friends half wolf half malamute dog. I enjoyed many hours with just sitting with that dog. Feeling warm, happy, content. However like I said some animals I just don't bond with, (mother's dog). The animals I connect very well with are cats, (our independent/ curious personalities mesh well).
Then it happened. No warning. My mom's dog leapt at one of the kittens and grabbed, shook and killed her. When it happened pain raced through my body. I couldn't breathe, blinding pain in my head and shoulders. Pain, fear, and hate. I was on the ground screaming I was in so much pain, but what was over riding that was the hate. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to tackle the dog to the ground and kill him, beat, scratch and tear at him until he stopped moving.
I have never hated an animal. I hated that dog. With every fiber of my being. Nothing I write will ever truly describe that feeling of pure molten rage. My mother must of sensed something since we rushed the dog away quickly. Once he was gone the hatred subsided enough to let in grief. I didn't even own the cat, but when I saw her laying there all I could think was "my baby" I had held her and we had shared warm happy vibes nearly every day since her first day a few months ago, (she was very lovely and was such a young thing).
It's mostly sadness now, but every now and then when I see that dog I feel a phantom pains in my back and shoulder, and I see her laying on the floor in a puddle of her own blood and the hate is back in full force. What is wrong with me? Why was there so much pain?