I've always felt that I am different from others around me. I am able to feel what animals and people are feeling. On several occasions, I've had experiences that just enforce this feeling.
I work in a print shop and I had a customer come in that I had never met before. She sat down to ask about a print job and so I sat on the other side of the counter and asked how I could help her. She responded that her son was just admitted into a rehab program and that he attempted suicide. I could tell that she was upset before I even sat down, I don't like to get involved with people's personal affairs. I don't want to intrude; however, this type of meeting is common. I often hear after these sorts of conversations that the person confiding in me has no idea why they told me all that they had, but felt so much better after sharing. I joke that maybe I should become a therapist. Tell them to take care and go on with my day. These instances use to bother me a great deal, I would obsess about what was going on in their lives and try to figure out a solution for them. I still feel a great concern, but somehow I manage to ease my mind by distracting myself with the job at hand. This is not the only type of story I have.
When I was a teenager, I had a friend who had kept horses. She told me to be careful around the Mustang as she was not fully broken yet. We went riding and I was on the horse with her. She fell off as Candy reared up. I was not very experienced in riding but I grabbed the reigns and said, "enough!" She settled down. It was strange to the others but I felt as though it was normal, for me.
I volunteered at the Humane Society when I was about 15 and the Director would tell me that a certain dog was way too rough to walk but I felt an overwhelming sadness around him. I know that he felt isolated and so alone. I put on his leash and walked him. I whispered, "Gentle" as we walked. The other volunteers and the Director were amazed that I walked him. I did, up until the day they put him to sleep which was how they handled overpopulation in the shelter. If they were not adopted by a certain time, they were put down. I went in to clean cages one day and was feeling overly sad and upset for no apparent reason. Then, I learned it was the day to put the assigned dogs down. I made sure that I did not volunteer on the scheduled termination days. It hurt, I was near tears.
I also volunteered at the Veterinarian's office and had seen plenty of ill animals. There was a time that I pet a dog who was very sick and I said to him, "you will be fine" He recovered! I know you are thinking big deal, except, he was terminal. The vet said it was a miracle!
There is also a dark side. I was about 14 or 15 and we had a dog that was mean and nasty to the others and I was mean back. I told Buffy that he would be sorry if he didn't stop. Buffy died for no apparent reason that night. At the time, I was not remorseful. I felt that he had it coming. Over the years, I wonder if my energy had anything to do with Buffy's death, or with the other dog's recovery, or with Candy's calmness.
I don't know what is going on with me and I am afraid that if I were to tell a therapist or psychiatrist any of this, they would heavily medicate me. Forget telling any of my family or friends any of this. I feel alone. I know that there is more to my abilities. I can feel it within me. I can feel a power that is trying to come forth but I just don't know what to do with it. Please, if anyone can relate, please tell me, or send me on my way as a freak.
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