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Blue Creature

 

I shouldn't write this but I'm at my end. I grew up with a mother who believed that she was my master. I was her pet slave. I lived this way with her until I was 17 years old. I had two very good friends who convinced me running away was the only way to survive my life. Sadly they both left me and now I see that they were wrong. I was pulled out of school and have had no other friends or anyone to talk to. The only way that I was actually able to survive the way I did was through my imagination. My two friends that helped me leave had seen what was done to me from the age of 10 and I guess they figured the only thing they could really do to help me at the time was to make my real life not my real life. I'm not good at explaining things but I hope whoever reads this will understand. At the age of 12 we invented lives of our own by using our imaginations. Sort of like story telling only it was very real to us. In mine I was always kidnapped from my mother by someone special where they took me off to a better life. In theirs they would fall in love. This is how we did it. Calling them A what if we would start one by saying something like "what would you do if you were walking home from the store and a car pulled over someone unrolled the window and called your name" then the other person would answer what they would do or what they would want to do. It was our world and we could do whatever we wanted with it. After I ran away from my mother my two friends grew up making real lives for themselves hoping I would be able to learn what real life was and how to live it. Sadly I haven't figured it out yet, I am always desperately seeking an imaginary fake life to escape to. It has been almost 5 years since I left my mothers house, 2 years since my last fake life, and this life has only gotten much worse for me. I'm still learning how humans are. What things mean. People tell me all the time I'm weird a freak must have grown up in a basement and ect. In truth I know they are right. When I first left my moms I was scared of going into a store. Too many lights too many humans not safe. I'm recently debating on if I should go back to my moms and beg for her forgiveness tell her I will be her loyal pet for the rest of my life even if it really does kill me. Everyone I know right now in real life just seem to want to use me. I'm still sorta programed to be like a slave and have no idea how to stand up for myself. I'm writing this cause I literally don't know what to do anymore. I just want someone to talk What if with me someone who can create me another life. A better one, and won't find me weird for it. I don't expect to find this but if I don't try something I know I'll regret it. I don't want to go back to my mom I'm just out of time.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, bluefish, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

TheQuestioner (2 stories) (8 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-12-15)
You are blue? And you create your own life? I am so confused beyond reason. What the heck are you?

Well, watch some TV shows, and apply for jobs, and try to live the life humans do.

Ahh for all I know I am a human so I am deeply confused about what the heck you are.

Good luck. I see you've mastered the internet. It's the thing that we invented, and it's used to make money and have useless time held over us.
UnknownAbilities (4 stories) (29 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-12-13)
Hey man, it seems your at the point where you have nothing to lose so maybe start taking some chances. Talk to girls, apply for jobs and make an effort to turn your life around. Take some chances. Don't try and create or live in an imaginary world because it won't help. Best of luck buddy.
Anaelyssa (1 stories) (135 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2012-12-12)
Bluefish, your experience resonates with me.

Although I did not grow up in an abusive household, I've been alone a lot (only child for 10 years) and never had many friends to play with. When I was still in pre-school, I made up this imaginary world and I was someone in that world. As time went on, I would advance the storyline in that world and sometimes incorporate elements of things I read into it (elemental magick for example). I would also (and still do) imagine what the characters from my world would do in various fantasy situations in the books I read. I've also had imaginary plot-lines where I would be kidnapped to a better life (to a school where they would teach you magic).

The only way that this imaginary world has affected my life is by making me less bored sometimes when I have nothing to do (long car-rides) and making me still wait for my soul-mate from that world. I still hold a quite irrational belief that I will someday meet my "brothers and sisters" from that world.

In connection to this, I've always refused to believe that that magick doesn't exist.

Now that I've tried to say that you're not completely alone in what you've experienced, I don't know how to help you. All I can do is throw this book at you http://lib.oto-usa.org/libri/liber0220.html and hope it helps.

Love is the law, love under will.
Hopebringer92 (guest)
 
7 years ago (2012-12-12)
Bluefish,
I can feel you're really desperate, but you need to try to fight for yourself. This is the life of challanges, I also have been going through many trials, I wanted to commit suicide twice, once on the astral plane, so i'd disappear forever:D but yeah, i've failed, but i'm happy i've failed, because there was a sudden change of fate. It's like when person reaches their limit, the life become more bearable:D
If you want to talk about anything feel free to email me at hopebringer92ATyahoo.com

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