Really I just don't know where to turn anymore. It's hard to find people who understand what I'm talking about.
I've had countless, seriously countless unexplained experiences. Most of them of an unwelcoming type of energy. Honestly, it was terrifying as a child, and to this day I sleep with my tv and a light on (I'm 24 haha) It feels pathetic to have to be so scared but it makes me feel more safe not being in the dark.
Aside from these experiences I've always had this incredible sense of, sort of feeling what others are feeling. I mean not everybody. Only if I feel a connection with them.
One of the many examples was of a very new friend telling me how her daughter died. Now there is feeling bad for somebody who has had to go through a hard time, and there is feeling a deep remorse inside yourself... Something similar to the type of loss they are feeling. I started to cry when she was telling me about this.
Recently I've started meditating and I've noticed I have this very intense and precise sense of people's energy. In a way. How they are feeling, or what they are thinking.:S
An example of this is one of the guys I work with who is very reserved and was doing his normal day to day thing and I just got this incredible sense that his energy was off, he was different. So I asked him, and he was surprised by my question as he didn't feel he was being any different. His grandfather passed away.
I've had many "psychic" experiences. Or at least what I would consider psychic. If it's somebody I'm close to when the phone rings I know it's them... When a text comes in on my phone before I open my phone I can sense which person it's from out of the people I've been recently texting. My boyfriend and I are very close. Best friends of 10 years. He will have two different items in his hands and put them behind his back, I tell him to try and really tell me with his mind which hand the item I am going to guess is in. I always get it. It's like he can tell me without saying anything. I am probably the closest with my boyfriend "soul" wise. He lives 5 hours away. Every*single*time he is feeling sad, angry, sick, really happy. Any emotion that is out of his normal state of emotion I feel too. Especially when he's sick.
I don't know how many times I've been doing my own thing and get images of my boyfriend in my head and have the urge to check my phone and he texts me.
Anyways I explain all this because I want help! The usefulness of feeling people and really relating to people is. Well there are no words. I can connect with people and really give them a sense of "somebody understands" in a profound way. What sucks about this is that I can't control it. I can't "feel" (the special type of feelings I have talked about) with just anybody. And I also can't control how much of the sadness I take into my own soul of somebody that I can "feel" with. When I worked on the oncology floor one of my patient's passed on my shift. And my peers were learning from his body some medical things. A lot of them were laughing and making jokes (it is a normal reaction to death, they aren't just jerks lol) but I felt. I mean I can barely find the words because I don't think the words I'm using explain even in the slightest what I'm trying to convey, but I felt like so sad, so insulted. So lost. I don't know, but they didn't feel like my own emotions. It felt like I was feeling somebody elses emotions, like I would when my friend was telling me about her daughter... Sensing another person's emotions.
I want to learn more about what the hell is going on with me. But I've had so many scary paranormal experiences. I feel like I would be playing with fire. Maybe opening doors I shouldn't, if this makes sense.
I really hope somebody can help me. Or even just tell me their similar experiences so I don't feel alone. Because right now, my boyfriend and my mom are the only people who really I wouldn't even say believe, just don't judge me when I talk about this stuff. I'm starting to feel like I'm crazy.
Thank you soo soo much to those who reply. I've been going through all these types of things since I was around 7 years old. I need some answers.