I don't know if this is the right site to post this but I think someone here can help me. I just want to share this because I seriously don't know what's wrong with me, this is the first time that I'm sharing these things in public.
I'm going to share a couple experiences, first one was with my dad. He was already suffering from an illness then when one morning we both had a misunderstanding and I got so mad at him that the words "I wish you were dead" kept repeating in my mind (I know it wasn't a good thing to think especially to my dad, I regretted it a lot) I think I even said it in a whisper but I only said it because I was too mad to think of anything else. It was the morning of March 31st. I'm not really a morning person so I was a bit grumpy cause he woke me up by hitting me with his back scratcher for waking up late again. I needed to get out of the house to vent so I went to the hospital to visit my sister who gave birth the day before. Evening of the 31st day, my sister was feeling uneasy because some of our relatives were calling and asking her if dad was okay or if everything was fine. We didn't know what was going on in our house so my sister called my mom and asked about what was going on. She told us that everything was well. My sister wasn't convinced cause mom's voice was a bit husky but she told us that she just has a sore throat. I felt that something was really up so I decided to go home and check, my sister agreed that I should do so too. When I arrived home, the only persons I found was the housekeeper and my then 2 year old niece. I asked where everyone went, she told me that they rushed my dad to the hospital because she found him laying face down on the floor when she was bringing him his afternoon coffee. I immediately called our driver and asked him to take me to the hospital where dad was. I found everyone I was looking for in the hospital's emergency room where the doctors were then reviving my dad. He was pronounced dead at 4am the following day.
Second thing was with my sister's boyfriend (not the one I kept mentioning above) I was having lunch with them and they were talking about something while I was minding my own business. I couldn't help but notice that he's lost weight so I told them about it. My sister even joked and told me that he was sick. I was skeptic about it though I know it was only a joke but I had this weird feeling about him so I let the feeling pass, went on with the joke and said "Your end is near" after I said those words, the feeling came back but I didn't pay any attention to it. He laughed and said "I'll still make it in a month". When it was time for him to leave, he tripped on something. I saw what happened and said "I told you, your end is near" but we just laughed it off again. I felt this heavy feeling while saying those words though. It felt like something was holding me back from saying it but I said it anyway. Once in a while, that scene would come flashing back at me. I didn't know why it did. Not until after 2 weeks or so while I was away from home because of boarding school, I received a text message from mom telling me that my sister's boyfriend has already passed away. He got stabbed by his workmate one night while hanging out with them.
I've blamed myself for their deaths a couple of times before. Those aren't the only incidents that happened, I've done it on our pets too. Whatever I think of or put into words, they often come to reality or something creepy happens. I often get scared about the things I think of especially when it involves the people closest to me. I've thought of not getting too attached with people but it doesn't really work. I think. Recently, there was this professor from a school I used to attend to and we weren't even close. He just came across my mind and after a day, I received a news saying that professor has recently passed away. I asked my friend who was his niece if what I heard was true and she confirmed that it really was.
Sometimes I'd be in a situation where I just think of it as another déjà vu but I have had these dreams where I don't know if they were already real or not. It's like I know that I'm sleeping and dreaming but everything would seem so real to me. Everyone I've shared this to would get wide-eyed and I'd get the feeling that I'm scaring them. I still haven't shared this to a family member. I don't do drugs, drink alcohol or do anything that could possibly harm my way of thinking. I often don't mean the things I think of, really. They just come across my mind in random and well, crummy things would happen.