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Not Feeling Human


I am nightpool (real name margarita) I am 14 and I'm sorry if I have bad grammar because I am not natural english. Well my story is, I am getting bullied and there is one reason. I don't feel human. Like I never thought:damn that guy is hot or something. I never felt love in a romantic way. I am really into magical and spiritual- things and I feel myself better with animals surrounding me. I just don't feel human at all! And I am very busy with drawing these mythical things. Or just drawing cats. This is too why I like furry's it's because I feel myself like an animal, but I can't say that. So saying I feel like an furry is more logical to me. But I get bullied. A lot. The reasons are because I listen a lot to celtic music and the people who bully me think that's childich or emoish. There was one time I came to my class and there sounded very sad music and when I looked, my whole class standed there, laughing at me. One of them said 'i hope you like this its especially for you! But I couldn't find a knife for you' that quote really hit me hard but I couldn't go away. So I sat there alone. Another day the same girl came to me with a barbie doll and she said 'do you want any fairy wings?' and again everyone laughed. It was horrible and because of that I began starting to hate humans. Most of the time I wished I was a cat or a dragon or a kitsune. But yeah you can't morph in real life and then I made a character that now is me in my fantasy world. Her name is nightpool and she is a night cat, her left eye is wounded she has there a big scar and now the only thing she can see with it is smells. I draw her all the time like a furry or just a cat. Another thing is I have friends but they are always three or four years younger than me. And that's because I think little kids have more fantasy that older ones like me. So I ask them to call me night or luna because the night is the most beautiful thing to me. I love cosmos and stuff like that. This was my little story its very ugly written I know but I tried really hard:) thanks if you read this!

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, nightpool, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

DaysieTanner (guest)
8 years ago (2016-03-02)
The only advice I could give you at this point in time, is don't hate them. Normal people don't understand what it's like to feel different, like your something other than human. I don't thing that they even really have the capacity to truly understand. Don't let them get to you, bullying you just might be their way to cope with the feelings you may provoke in them. You've got to be open minded and forgiving...
amy1965 (1 stories) (9 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-08)
maybe you could volunteer at an animal hospital, pet store, nature center etc and you can be with animals AND maybe meet others (co-workers and customers,visitors) that also like animals and nature... It also looks good later on a college application that you volunteered. I'm sure that not only will you meet other sensitive caring people with similar interests, but you will also be regularly informed of other similar events in your community that involve nature and animals-i do suggest that you work toward making educational choices that will lead you to a future career out of these interests-you are a natural and would excell at it and be happy with your career choice for the rest of your life-many people are stuck in a job they hate.anyway-you are wonderful and God gave you these gifts for a reason... You will find others like you and one day after high school you will see just how much different the real world is... Many people are struggling with their sense of self in high school and that often manifests itself by bullying others to make themselves feel better-really sad, I know... Most of them will feel bad years later for having been a bully and you may see that at a reunion years later-i know many people who were apologized to by their bullys years later... Be blessed and know many people love you.
Qwanri (3 stories) (23 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-07)
Don't worry Nightpool. I sort of went through something similar. Because of how people treated me I also never really loved a human romantically or thought anyone was "hot". In an effort to comfort you I'd just like to tell you that you aren't alone. But more importantly, believe in yourself. Keep drawing since it seems like your art is helping you the way my writing helped me. All the negative things you are experiencing at the moment will most likely end sooner or later but until then believe in yourself and your talent. If you want, maybe you could find a group of people or club who also like drawing like you do. That way perhaps you could teach others some things about art or maybe they could help you. Hope that helps.
HyongLeppy (1 stories) (1 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-07)
You know what, Nightpool? In a few years, the bullying will go down. Those people will learn something about life in due time, and there will be a time where you will probably never see them again. I graduated last year, and I can tell you right around your senior years (I don't know about the Netherlands, but in Australia our senior years are grade 10-12) things usually settle. You just keep being you!

Also, Celtic music is pretty rockin'! Reminds me of my Scottish/Irish heritage!
PathR (4 stories) (1274 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-06)
May I say if you sit and watch people.
You will see the popular people putting their own friends down.

In school all are battered.
No one escapes.

I agree with AnneV. Nature is all encompassing and there are no requirements.

Most people who feel a big vaccume apart from human race either have struggles at home or feel they have evolved from another planet race.
It is important to find a sacred space that is peace.

Keep writing and keep seeking.
You will make your own place.

Celtic music is lovely.
You may be aligning to your roots.
Maddy09 (19 posts)
8 years ago (2015-10-06)
Dear Nightpool, I wonder if this feeling you're feeling also comes with a deep calling for you to do something greater. Don't feel bad for feeling different, it might end up being something really good:)

I would like to discuss this further with you, so if you'd like also, email me. I have my email on my profile:)

Hope to hear from you soon sweety:)

Stay Safe
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
8 years ago (2015-10-06)
People can be very cruel and your disappointment with humanity is understandable. The good news is that you will age and get out of the bullying environment. It may not seem so but there are others who love animals like you do and you'll meet them. It's okay to love fantasy but the physical world beckons and part of why you are here is to find goodness where you can, even amongst a lot of bad. You are not made fun of here so now you know that not all people are mean, you know? Be comfortable with yourself, be in nature and you'll find your happy place in the world. Who knows, you might be the next best fairy artist out there! You do have a calling, you just need to find it now.

Be well.

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