I'm looking for closure and advice with this post. Please don't ridicule or mock me for my content. I'm currently a high school student who's stuck in a rut. I'm a Christian, and I don't exactly believe in "spirit-guides" beyond Christian terms, so if I could receive assistance without some spirit forms that are foreign to me, that would be truly great. I've had many spiritual instances in my life that I cannot seem to control, so I guess I'll give details sequentially.
When I was young, I would have dreams of the future. These dreams came to me quite frequently, and I always thought they were interesting. I did my research, since I loved to learn, and that's when I realized that I had some sort of spiritual awareness. When I was young, I also saw my first ghost. She was a full apparition, but I won't go deep into that experience since this isn't the proper website to share ghost stories. My parents believed me since they are religious and my mother can see ghosts since she died and was revived, so their spiritual background really made me feel comfortable. Nothing was very intense when I was young, but then I entered the pre-teen stage of my life.
I was in seventh grade, 11 and 12 years old, when I started to have these instances where I'd think about something... And it would happen. They were little things, but I challenged it, and myself. I would be in my bedroom and state that I would want a puppy, and my mother who hates having animals loudly stated that she thought our family should get a puppy. Another time I had Twizzlers and stated that my sister would probably come and ask me for some. Not even a second later I heard stomping toward my room and she asked me for that delicious, licorice candy. I was stunned and simply opened the packet for her. Another time, I was sick with a bad stomach virus. I missed a lot in school, so when English class came around I had no idea what was going on. My teacher gave us a PowerPoint that had questions on it and we had to answer them with these clicker things. I forgot my glasses that day, and I sat in the back of the classroom. I can barely see a foot in front of my face, so I thought it was the perfect time to challenge myself. I turned my head away from the board and when my teacher read the question, I would think, "The answer is B." or whatever letter from A through D. I got it right every single time, but I still doubted everything and tried to disprove myself. I marked it as a coincidence. More instances happened, and so I ended up telling my father. He seemed to not believe me, which really hurt since we were close and I looked toward my parents as a source to confide in. One day, my parents took me with them to run some errands, and we went to the local Dollar Tree. I was still aware of my father's doubt, but I tried not to let it get to me, even though it felt so prevalent. I ended up telling him about a friend of mine from karate who is way older than me. We walked out of the store merrily when I heard someone yell "hi" to me and call my name. I spun around to see my friend hanging out of her aunt's car window as they were speeding by. My father looked at me with wide eyes and told me, "Don't think of Godzilla!" This made me very pleased, and so I was compelled to research my experiences that kept occurring. I found this thing called spontaneous manifestation. Apparently it's like coincidence on steroids. The only thing that bothered me about it is that I couldn't control it.
My pre-teen years were also where my insomnia and narcolepsy was super bad. I would be perfectly functional though, I simply didn't need to sleep. My doctor thought it was interesting that I only needed three hours' worth of night fuel, but that's beside the point. I would stay awake, sometimes eat some Oreos or listen to music. I would be awake for terrors, though. I would see shadow figures in my room; they would walk slowly or simply stay in one place. One of them was bold enough to float above me in bed. I would also feel relaxed enough to the point where I would hear spirits in my room. Some were loud, some soft, but since this isn't a ghost experience website I'll hop off this topic again. I'm simply adding this to show that I've been more in tune since I was eleven or so.
Time passed and I was finally in high school. A TON of paranormal stuff happened to me up until junior year, but let's skip that chunk and get back to my spirituality. So, junior year, someone in my karate studio got into a car accident and died at 4 AM. At that time, I was awake and I heard a ringing in my right ear. I knew that something spiritual had happened since whenever I saw ghosts I always heard a ringing in my right ear. I wasn't expecting the news that I received that morning. Another time I came home from work and looked at my dog. She was a happy, healthy, 12 year old chihuahua. I loved that little thing and recently I felt compelled to give her even more of my love. When I came home from work that way, I picked her up and hugged and kissed her. I said that she didn't have long to live and that she had roughly five years, but when I said that it felt so short to me. My sister was baffled and dismissed my words, but I still felt that I had to dedicate myself to that little fuzz-nugget. The next day I heard a ringing in my right ear for five minutes when thinking of my dog. I did my research to see if anyone else had a ringing in their ears when someone died or something spiritual happened, but I only came across skeptics, including a husband who said his wife heard a ringing in her ear when a plane came by. I thought that was silly when a plane passed over my house. I didn't know if that was spontaneous manifestation or God trying to tell me I was being stupid, but either way I didn't dismiss it. Two days later my dog started breathing funny and having problems being comfortable. After two days of being sick, we decided to take her to the vet the next day, who also happens to be my neighbor. I had a bad feeling about this, but I didn't bother piecing together the five minutes of ringing in my ear happened five days ago. That day, we learned that my healthy dog all of a sudden had an enlarged heart and her kidneys were failing. Saving her would be more expensive than putting her down and for the rest of her life she would need help going to the bathroom. None of us had time for that and we didn't want her to suffer. Also, the surgery might not even work and we were already at $300 for the visit and tests. We put our dog down that day and everyone was damaged.
Many more instances involving negative things have happened to people through my thoughts, of course they were less complex, that or I simply wasn't aware of their complexities. I don't exactly know what to do about this or control it. I'm a busy kid, in honors and AP classes, does martial arts, does volunteer work, so whenever I tell myself to try controlling things or to meditate I forget and I doubt anything will ever work. I'm opened to trying new things, so I guess maybe advice from a non-Christian standpoint couldn't hurt.
Next, I tried telekinesis. I was curious as to how it worked, so I tried. It worked when I felt exhausted yet relaxed but only for e split second that I doubted it even happened and thought that I hallucinated since I was so worn out, hot, and puffy. A couple of spaced instances happened where I've flipped book pages or moved something when I was barely aware of what was happening. My mind simply felt so empty when these things happen that I have trouble believing it myself, but I feel as if I should put it out there just in case.
The last thing I feel like writing about was something that surprised me... A lot. I have had a hard time believing in astral projection and my ability to. My mother said she did it once and had a hard time getting back into her body, causing her never to try again, so I didn't really care for it, especially after the Insidious movies came out. I thought it was more of a rare paranormal hype for the public eye. Boy was I wrong. One day I was feeling kind of washed out and tired, so I fell asleep super early. I felt so relaxed that I didn't want to move. I tried sometimes, but my brain told me to stay and bask in the fact that I was relaxed and for the most part asleep. That's when I felt myself curling forward, or leaning forward as if peeling myself from my body. My eyes were closed and I wasn't in control. I felt my mind aware, but my body comfortable, and felt like two different entities. I was astonished, almost frightened, when I felt as if I was sucked or magnetized back to my previous position. It honestly felt like I was dying. I finally opened my eyes and panted, rolling onto my back from my side. I didn't know what to say, so I told my mother and she was almost disturbed.
Of course, with every single ability I've mentioned, multiple experiences have occurred. I can't find my book where I've written a lot of my instances down, so that's all I can share off the top of my head. I'm simply so curious as to why I have so many "gifts" or whatever you want to call it, but why I can't control them, or why they happen in particular sequences. I struggle the most with spontaneous manifestation since bad things have occurred with that, but I need help. I was frightened to even post this. I also have an irrational fear that the government will lock me up for testing or something ever since I read that Gatekeeper's series by Anthony Horowitz in seventh grade, but I mean, I doubt big brother is watching this. Please don't think I'm lying. I delayed posting this for multiple years. Please help me. Thank-you.
P.S. I'm sorry if this is terribly organized.