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I Don't Feel Human - I Feel Different

 

I'm almost 21. My whole life I've felt 'different'. I was always mature for my age. I don't like negativity or drama. Humans disgust me almost. They're so negative, selfish and vile.

I do like to observe peoples lives and reactions. I don't like actually participating. I feel like an outsider, one who's not really living. Just observing and watching...

I have major Deja Vu. There will be 'new' episodes of shows, and I KNOW I've seen them before as I can clearly remember and know what happens. I felt like I watched them a long time ago, but yet they're new and were literally just released. I also get a sense of deja vu reading certain things. Like its definitely happened before, or I can remember the feeling I had when I read/did something before (but I haven't?)

I used to have dreams and have something happen the next day that correlates to them.

I hate my life, my situation. I always find myself saying/wishing "I want to go home" over and over. But I'm at 'home' with my parents, which is very difficult (emotionally abusive household). When I break down at night I just keep thinking that I want to go home. But where's home? I don't know.

I sometimes have VERY real/vivid dreams. However theyre almost always nightmares. Pain. I can literally feel the pain. I try so hard to wake myself up.

I ALWAYS feel like someone is watching me. I feel so embarrassed when I do something shameful/embarrassing. Because I feel like someone/something is watching me all the time.

I feel like there's nothing in this world for me. I dislike most people (I often find myself saying Humans.)

They're toxic, vile and selfish. So imperfect. They're foreign to me. I don't understand them. I don't understand how people do the things they do. I don't belong here. I know I don't. This world is so boring to me.

I feel so different and strange. I feel deeper than everyone else.

I don't know if I believe in god or an afterlife. But I hope there is an after life or more to this life. I truly need there to be more.

I feel like something is there. That this can't be it. I want to find out more. I look up Aliens/Ufos /Afterlife. I'm searching for proof or evidence.

I also strive to look a specific way. I have this image in my mind, and I NEED to achieve it. I feel so imperfect, I need to be this 'look' this person. I feel like this image in my head is the true me. Its not a 'look' normal people would go for.

The only time I feel 'Alive' or real is when I'm listening to music in the car. When my parents go somewhere, I go with in order to stare out the window, listen to high energy music, and imagine/lose myself.

I also feel a VERY strong connection to Japan. I feel like I belong there? Or maybe in a past life. I cry knowing that it's unachievable that I'll ever be able to go there.

I feel so alone. Everyone seems oblivious. They seem perfectly content in their boring, repetitive lives. They date,marry, have kids. I could never imagine myself doing any of that.

I want to become more spiritual or be able to 'feel' more, and to find out the truth. However somethings holding me back. Maybe its fear that nothings there? If I would try to talk out loud to see if I would get some type of response, if I don't I'd get depressed.

I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I'm wasting my life away, but I just can't do what normal humans do.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Kera, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Katshi (1 posts)
 
1 month ago (2019-08-08)
Kera... Everything you wrote I have written almost in exact words.
I'm relieved there is someone, maybe others that feel this way. I thought I was going insane.
Please do reply if you see this, I'm really interested in talking with you! This is crazy.
James5006 (3 posts)
 
2 months ago (2019-07-10)
Also, you watch way too much anime. Not trying to be rude, but a lot of the things you're saying seems quite familiar to people who get confused between reality and fiction, trying to apply fiction to reality, and vice versa.
James5006 (3 posts)
 
2 months ago (2019-07-10)
Every single person to walk the face of the earth all thinks they are different. Nobody wants to be a normal human being who is going to meet the same inevitable fate of everyone else. You see yourself differently than others do, you see yourself as a better individual than you really are, everyone is the protagonist of their story. You're a normal human who will die just like the rest of the flock when your time comes. Sorry to seem negative, but everyone knows what you feel, it's not unusual. Don't get stuck on thinking you're different, it's just going to lead you to unnecessary hardships and poor relationships in your life. It might be a tough realization, but once you accept it, you'll become better mentally and know to live your life smart and full. People will always tell you they know how you feel, because everybody feels it. I guess we're all unique, but not that unique.
drewski211 (1 posts)
 
4 months ago (2019-05-23)
Hello! I know this was posted about 3 years ago. But I would like to talk to at least one of you. The way Kera and a few of the commenters described this. It's like you took everything I was thinking an wrote it down. Can someone get in contact with me?
Gracie (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
5 months ago (2019-04-23)
Hi Kera!
I know exactly how you feel. I'm only 13, but I've always thought I was different than others. In conversations, I meanly observe and rarely talk unless they are close friends. I like to observe others form a fare too, I call it people watching lol!

I always thought I was a different creature. I still do reasearch to possibly find out what I am. When I was younger, I took it more seriously. I would look up spells to become all kinds of creatures thinking if I was one, this would awaken it. It's silly, but I still sometimes try it.

Humans really are vile, horrible creatures. Have you seen what they've done to this world (socially and physically)? It's ridiculous and horrifying! I want to put an end too it. I always have. I hate humans. And if this is some crazy fantasy world dream thing and I wake up and I'm human, I couldn't live with myself.

Just know that you're not alone and I'm trying to figure this out too. I'll report back if I find anything.

-Gracie
Staa24 (1 posts)
 
2 years ago (2018-02-12)
Wow, i'm almost 50 and nearly all of what you wrote could've easily been wrote about me, especially deja vu, I experience that a lot. I don't hate people or feel superior/inferior just different, as though I don't belong on earth.
Jasmine94 (2 stories) (5 posts)
 
2 years ago (2017-08-27)
Keira,
I know you posted this a couple of years ago and I don't know if you still feel this way. But if you do let me know if you would like to talk. I feel like you wrote everything there that I struggle to put into words.

Jazz9898 [at] outlook.com.au
Cybertech (1 posts)
 
2 years ago (2017-07-05)
I have no advice but I am so relieved there are others who feel the same- at least I hope. I'm just disgusted with humans so much, with how ignorant some of them are- choosing death and destruction over the life of their planet, with how slow their progress is because of their greed, how they're scared of people who are different than themselves. I feel superior to them for whatever reason. (Yet I do indeed understand not all humans are dishonorable, I have quite a few friends on this planet who are very open minded and I love them with all of my soul.)
EmiDeath (1 posts)
 
3 years ago (2016-09-10)
I actually go through similar things but I am more aware of my past self and I tend to act like my past self a lot as well now. 😐 I understand with the disliking humanity thing I really dislike being stuck in a human body but there was a reason I decided to come here and I actually just want to be my old self away from all the stupidity or at least most of it if possible.

I actually met someone a year ago who is the exact same species as me which is very relieving that I have someone to talk to about that certain subject without being worried of being judged 😁

Like others I actually do want to go home but not very sure where it is. I've said it a few times within the past few years and have kind of found myself going somewhere that looks like home and it's very comforting. I'm not always in my body it seems like when I'm spacing out I can be somewhere else which is the same when I'm sleeping. I can easily leave my body in my sleep if there isn't something keeping me there i.e a cross.

I am stuck in a human body until my dearly beloved boyfriend just let's me go since he isn't planning to any time soon for his own reasons which is fine even though how much I hate it here. Total regrets after coming here is what I'll say. 😐
Boson (179 posts)
 
4 years ago (2016-03-03)
Hello Kera,

It certainly seems like you are what some people call a "wanderer". You are not alone being a wanderer. It may sounds strange at first but it was your own choice to incarnate on Earth. You are very much needed here at this time as with so many other like you to be a beacon of light, and everyone with a particular mission. To learn more about what a wanderer is, it's probably easiest if you google the word Wanderer together with "Law of One".

I hope it helps a little.

Boson
DaysieTanner (guest)
 
4 years ago (2016-03-02)
I know a lot of people have been saying this, but I know Exactly how you feel as well. I'm sorry that I have no information for you, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. Some of us... We understand.
biker4jc2u (3 stories) (38 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2016-02-22)
Hi

I understand semi what your talking about

When I was younger about your age at the time actually

When really sad and crying I would say I want to go home (mind you I was Christian at the time so this confused me why would I say that) I knew I could feel some where else was home more beautiful more peaceful. I knew it was Some where else. But to this day I'm not certain where or what it is

But I have grown to be at peace with it and just accept it as fact 😊

I have studied a lot... I have come acrossed incarnated angels, aliens, fairy ext. Also indigos adult/ children... I don't know which is true or if any are true but I believe there is atleast truth to them

And perhaps you may instintivly already know what you are 😊... And no one else then can really tell you but you who you are 😊

Also just a teeny bit advice... I know humans can be hard and even difficult... A lil bit like fallow the leader they fallow in line fallowing as told and taught to be... Not even seeing there's more options... Worse not even wanting the options... But I also find them fascinating sometimes you really can find great love in them or kindness

But my teeny bit of advice is this... Don't live unhappy... Wherever we came from I may not have the answer... But I know we're here and probably chose to be here for a reason... So we will live here on earth for a while, might as well live happy then... Because this is going to be an offul lot of time to live unhappy

That's the only teeny bit of advice I can give you

Aside from that good luck on your journey finding who you feel you are. May you enjoy every bit of it and find what your looking for
jijidreams (1 posts)
 
4 years ago (2016-02-15)
I signed up just to reply to you and tell you... I knoew EXACTLY how you feel... Your words sound like my own... So much so it bout brought me to tears... One of my biggest qualms about humans is their increadible blindness... And no not blind as in the typical sense most would think... I too had hugly vivid dreams... And growing up most were nightmarish... As I got older tho they died down a bit... The scarryness that is... They can be still quite vivid... But if you end up in a similar situation... The nightmares will gradually become less... I too feel like an outsider... Like I don't belong... And I am merely here to observe and not really to participate... Lol I am telling you... Reading your post I had to check who wrote it... Cause it was scary how similar your situation is to my own... Only I am about 14 years older than you... If you are like me there are things you should probably know... Do be careful and keep your curiosities in check... There are things that do not like what we are... (whatever that is exactly)... They will try to throw off your balance... They think we shouldn't know too much... Scary right? This mankes me nervous... But I figured I should post it... If you want to chat I am open to it... I have every message system you can probably think of... I'll try to remember this place... ^.^//
Victoria1893 (20 posts)
 
4 years ago (2016-01-23)
Hi Kera. From what I read, I think you have had several past lives. You said you always felt mature for your age and that's a sign of an old soul. Those lives have helped you build a spiritual connection you use without knowing (deja vus, knowing what's going to happen etc.). Your feeling towards "humans" make me think one of those lifes was alien and you're probably an indigo starseed. Your intuition or gut feeling tells you there is way more to this world than what you see "humans" doing, and that's true. Your soul knows what's out there. All souls want to turn back to being their self's greatest version, being the initial "you" that you were once you were created.
I would want to know more about the image in your head that's the "true you". It may be a vision of how your soul wants ou to be, or it may be your spiritual body, I can't tell right now.
I really believe you are being watched by dark enteties whose goal is to keep you away from "evolving" spiritually and they are also what's giving you the vivid nightmares.
People today live in a programmed reality and I'm really sorry for those. They were convinced that study-date-work-marry-have kids-die is all there is. This model of living was implanted to their minds and hearts and souls and they just can't realize it.
If you want to know more, or talk about any of this feel free to email me vicki.l1893 [at] gmail.com
Hope to hear from you ^_^
Maddy09 (19 posts)
 
4 years ago (2016-01-23)
Hello Kera,

Your way of being right now, reminds me a lot of how I used to be, back in high school when I was so lost, hurt, disappointed. Of course each situation is different, but I do find similarities.

If you were given the chance to live a different life, one of true purpose, one that feels like home, would you?

I would like to know more about you, and about the way you see thigs and yourself.

You know, I strongly believe that the best way to know why you believe in something, is to doubt it first. To actually know that you believe it because it's what you want, not because others put you to it. It is true, that all people have a purpose but not all of them realize it or experience their awakening. The frustration you feel, is understandable and it would be really nice if we could work it out in a way where it leads you to something worthwhile. If you'd like, of course. But for a start, I can tell you there is more in this world that people unfortunately don't see as they are drowned into darkness, sin, lies and materials. They are not fully to blame, but they hold a great amount of the responsibility of today's reality.I'd like to hear more about your views, and what you feel your purpose in this world to be, if you believe you have one.

Please do not hesitate to contact me so that we discuss further upon your situation.

Stay Safe!

Maddy
Magickyg413 (8 stories) (96 posts)
 
4 years ago (2016-01-23)
Hello there, I know exactly how you feel. It does made me feel not normal but, I believe its because were waking up in this cruel and usual world...
I suggest you message me on ygarza216 [at] gmail.com
Since you are bored, why not talk to me and ill help you out? If you dont, I understand...
eleiriel (guest)
 
4 years ago (2016-01-21)
have you ever heard of incarnated angels. Just a thought. Why not try looking up incarnated angels. They don't understand all the hurtful cruelty on the planet either. I've been told in my dreams many times that I'm an angel and also have had two very different psychic say that I'm having a spiritual communion and that a lot of beings in the nonphysical are crowded around me. So I've read that beings from the faery realm and the angels from heaven can incarnate just like human spirits can. So who knows, your higher self may or may not be human at all. It's really up to you to decide what you are. Maybe meditate on your heart chakra and try and get a sense on what you are. I hope this helped.
Indigo1717 (1 stories) (7 posts)
 
4 years ago (2016-01-21)
Hello Kera, you sound a lot like me many years ago, as a teenager I went through similar experiences and boy were those dark days, depression, anxiety etc. People always blame the hormones, I'm in my 30's and still feel the same way but i've learnt to deal with it, you have to accept that you may well be different, but ask yourself why is that a bad thing?

I look around and see people so consumed by themselves and there possessions, greed at all levels from children to politicians, just because you don't think like these people doesn't mean your not human, and you certainty arnt the only one that see's it this way, there's millions of us, but we are not the majority so we are always going to feel like outsiders, your always going to ask should I care more about my phone?, should I care more about my social network size? Because everyone else seems to, it makes you feel as though your not being what they see as normal.

Dont try to change people it can't be done, don't change yourself because you'll be miserable, find something or someone you enjoy live your life how you want to live it, don't be concerned about the majority and what they do.

In terms of your gift's, use them if possible, try to refine them. Do what makes you happy, I wasted many years trying to accepted as one of the majority, now I realise I don't really want to be.
AnneV (4 stories) (1036 posts) mod
 
4 years ago (2016-01-20)
There are some humans that are born and look at this planet and many of its inhabitants and can't fathom why everyone else can't see through the illusion. This leads to disgust, hatred and often alienation.

Seeing through the illusion is only part of life's answers. Yes, this earth veil is an illusion but it is not only a necessary one but built by design. Looking at a base existence and declaring it base isn't all that much to brag about. It's when you can see the much deeper meaning behind it that you've made serious spiritual progress. You look around and judge the base population but then there are segments of the population looking at you and hope you ultimately get it.

Hating people isn't going to raise your consciousness (in fact, it lowers your vibrations) to the level that will help lift the veil further. You're at step one. Liken this to children in kindergarten. They NEED kindergarten. They cannot get to first grade until they pass the last and so on. And just because you're figuratively in high school doesn't mean your position on the scale is any less important. Grand masters like Christ are PhD levels and still don't look at you with contempt just because you're in high school. Beware the ego!

If you're looking to find things to hate and loathe, you'll never be in short supply. If you're looking to evolve further still, look deeper. It will come.

Anne

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