Where do I begin?
First let me say that its been around 3 years since I first came to this site. I enjoy reading other's posts about experiences, it makes feel feel like I am not alone. That there are other gifted people out there like me.
Me... About me...
I am in my mid 30's, female. I am educated, have a steady job in a big company. Before I got here I was a massage therapist. During my training to become a MT, I met many 'different' people. Witches, vampires, pixies, a man who spoke to dragons and many reiki masters. Everyone had their own gifts and abilities. I've always known throughout my life that I was different: shy, soft spoken and somewhat of a loner. I felt like an outcast... That everyone was different than I.
One memory I have, which visits often: When I was around 13 my brother and I were driving at night on the highway, and I opened up to him, and told him that I felt like I wasn't from earth, and that I felt like I have 2 hearts. Oh course being a good brother he dismissed it and said, "I SAW you come out of mom, so there's no way you're not human silly"
Throughout my adult life I've thought about this memory.
I am reiki attuned, and am no stranger to energy work. I have been told that my aura is rainbow, that of a healer/starseed. As an empath, I can feel people's pain... And happiness. And most of the time I am eager to help those in need. I have been also told that my energy is "old school", like am I somehow advanced than most? Which I question, because I feel like a young soul. My husband says that I glow sometimes when I am asleep. My life up until now has been challenging, I mean it is for us all right? But when it comes to spirituality, I embrace it. I love the flow of energy and grounding myself while surrounded by nature. If I even think about reiki, or healing someone my hands get warm instantly.
As for abilities;
I am able to do quite a lot. Most of which I can't 'will' on. I find when I try to do something, like an item location, I have to clear my mind and let it come to me. I can't force answers or visions, they often come to me when I am not trying. I have in the past located lost items for family and friends. A few years ago I had this weird attraction to telling people what they were doing in the last 24 hours. I told a lady she was gardening, and a man that he had grape juice along with this dinner last night. When I first got attuned to reiki I silenced a whole room of people when I told a man whom just walked in that he had a grape swisher in his pocket. (Maybe something to do with grapes? Lol) I see messages in nature that hint to death. I could go on and on with examples, but I am trying to keep it short!
One more: My all time favorite: My boyfriend (now husband) and I were having a heated discussion about my psychic abilities, and he said something to the affect of: "How can you be psychic if you can't channel it spot on?" and I replied, "It's not like you ask, and I just blurt out ---OH! I sense you had strawberry cheesecake during lunch!" I was angrily joking, and his eye went cold, and he said.
So, that's a little bit of my background. Now with all this said, I need help.
I've always felt content with reiki and being a healer. With all the chaos that going on in the world today, I've been able to pick up on this feeling that. The world is hurting. Almost like I can feel the pain and anger that EVERYONE is feeling. And it overwhelms me, I lose myself in pain and sorrow. Recently with the terrorist attacks, I feel sick to my stomach the day before and I know its coming. The next morning I confirm with the news that x amount of people died.
That Arianna Grande concert? I felt it. The recent attacks involving a car plowing through people? Felt that too.
And then there was the protests at Charlottesville? It hit me HARD. The day before, of and after. I could feel their pain, as if I was the one taking all the hits. Just so you know, I do not follow politics, I prefer to stand neutral. I have enough problems and my own life to deal with, no time for that. For the past days I've been having panic attacks. I have been doing well lately, its been 2 months since I started practicing telekinesis. I've been calmly trying to move objects, tapping into different forms of energy and frequencies.
Maybe I unlocked something new? Something that I am having a hard time controlling? I have been paranoid that the men in black are going to come and take me away to a padded room. (lol) I am also afraid of hurting another person, as I feel that I might have the ability to? My emotions are all over the place, so much that I have started taking antidepressants to block these feelings I can't control. I feel I am taking a big risk sharing all of this on the internet, but I have come to the point where my friends and colleagues don't know what to say or how to help me.
A friend suggested that I get a tarot card reading, or see a healer of some sort, but I don't know where to begin. I am weary of fakes and people who claim to be psychic, but aren't and just do it for the money. I recently moved to a new city where I don't know many people. I need help, and if you can help please respond. Thank you for your time!:)