First let me start with I have always felt different from my family and the people in my small community. I have always felt from a very young age that I was adopted. I know for a fact that my parents are my parents.
I used to have these feelings like something was going to happen. The only way I can explain it is that I KNEW something was wrong or was going to go wrong. The best example I can give is my oldest daughter and I was driving down the interstate. It was pouring the rain. I just felt like something was going to happen. All of the sudden the traffic had come to a dead stop. I was driving about 75 miles an hour. I was in the fast lane of the interstate. It was a two lane interstate. It is like all of a sudden I KNEW what I had to do. There was an opening in the right lane of traffic. It was a tractor trailer and car. Mind you I was still dong 75 miles an hour. I KNEW I had to drive the vehicle in between the two vehicles and I also KNEW I could not brake or I was going to lose control of the vehicle. I perfectly fitted between the two vehicles. I never slowed down. I was able to reach the side of the interstate to the far right on the side of the road but it was still paved. Anyway, I did not stop I drove until we was past the accident and continued on our journey. Now this happened in a matter of seconds... I just KNEW what to do. I used to have these feeling all of the time. Now mind you the same oldest daughter told me she also had these feelings that something is going to happen. About a year ago my Mom and I was in a minor accident. She told me later that my dad had told her that morning that he had a bad feeling that something was going to happen for us to stay home.
The 23rd of this month was the 16 year anniversary of my Grandfathers suicide. Mental illness runs in my family. I was raised in a Christian Church. I have always questioned if God really existed. When I lost my 4 month old niece I really started questioning if God really existed or is it a higher being. I still have not been able to figure that out and I am 47.
When my children where younger we lived in an older house with a history of death. One day I was walking down the stairs and I felt something push me. And when I was alone I would hear what was like a bugler horn that they used in the civil war days. Part of the house was around during the civil war. A husband pushed is wife down the stairs and she died. All of us in that house felt like there was someone there. When we moved out I have not had anything major happen. I still had feelings like something is going to happen.
I have a lot of history and I am not going to touch base on it all. I am a recovering addict! My youngest son is 16. His father and I where together for 10 years. As a recovering addict you can not be with an addict you can not stay with an addict and stay clean. Our son has already had 5 pacemakers at the age of 16. I got clean and have done pretty good at staying clean. About 3 years ago the doctors told me my spine was getting worse. I turned to alcohol. I became a blackout drunk. Six months in I died twice. Everyone that needed to be there that day was there. I have had numerous incidents where I should have died and I didn't. I know that there is a reason for me being here I just don't know why.
3 months ago my sons father died in a very mysterious fire. It was either a meth lab or murder. The investigation is open. On September 11th I started calling the coroners office to get his remains identified. Last week they where able to identify him by a pin in his shoulder. You know I have always had strange feelings like the hair standing up on the back of my neck and cold chills. I can't explain why? I no longer have the feelings that something is going to happen. I do have permanent brain damage from my black out death. Yesterday I was in the back of the house and I heard something break. The window in my sons room had fell and broke one pane of glass. My sons father loved praying mantis's. I have noticed them all around our house in different spots. There is one that keeps sitting on the back screen door. Am I really crazy? Can someone please tell me what is going on? HELP!
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