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The Aware Child


In the early 90's my mother and father were clearly toxic for one another. Having said that, my part in their lives as there son was now more then just that. I became the first response to side with the one at risk of death. They would fight to the point of pure rage. Not caring about the consequences of their actions. It's human to error when trying to figure out how to do or how much is to much.

I was just about to turn five years of age when I began to have these feelings. Most of the time I was so traumatized I wouldn't be able to move, let alone comprehend the events. My physical reactions were limited since I was immobilized. So I would lay in the top bunk in my bedroom and cry. The crying was very taxing and consistent. I didn't understand why I was crying besides these thoughts I knew to be fact. In my waking consciousness and in my unconscious mind there was still an inner dialogue of truth. Those tears were preparing me for the future and my hurdles to coming from my parents.

The night I stopped the flood of tears. I stepped out of my chaotic misery, at the age of five now. I was filled with urgency and panic that was making my heart race. I moved quickly to the door of my parents bedroom. It is always shut and locked. That did not stop me. I opened it without even a thought, the panic was shifting to physical pain and labored breathing. As the door swung open I my mind and emotional state matched the rooms energy. I looked to me my left to find my mother pinned to the wall with her feet dangling inches from the ground. My father was choking her and had my mother's nails were in his forearms so deep that blood was dripping from the puncture sites.

A thought came to my mind then and I'll never forget it. I can't forget it because it was my mother's cry for help. She couldn't speak under those circumstances. She said word for word, "Save me baby, call 911 you'll know what to say". Without hesitation and with extreme haste. I ran to the phone and called 911 and emergency dispatch.

Due to graphic imagery I'll just say what I did next to stop the rage that consumed them. I didn't cry or cower. I was firm and confident. I had to be influence two grown human beings. That are fighting to the end. My parents safety predominantly, my mother's was my drive.

I walked down the hallway. Every step silent. Upon meeting his gaze I without hesitation said "Do you feel powerful daddy? Making mommy cry and destroying her things? Kind of like how your dad used to do in the stables because you never did anything right?!". My father's eyes dropped and he released my mother's neck. She looked at me and I told her to go in the den. So she did. My father and talked until the emergency dispatch arrived. When I say we talked. I really mean, I was making it so that would never happen again. I never made anyone cry before, at that age. With the exception of my own father. Thats all I can manage for now, thank you

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