Sensing My Transition

It started out as simply thoughts of of death, - and I want to point out that they were *unwanted*/*unintentional* thoughts - but then advanced to a strong unmistakable knowing that death was actually near, and I couldn't tell whose time was coming. This very strong sense came about a week ago. I would look at my housemates to see if I got anything, but I didn't. I tried to rationalize why it would be one of them and not me, but that didn't work - I didn't get anything... No sense that I was correct.

When I asked if it was me, I was blocked... I didn't get a yes, nor did I have confirmation of a no. My only experience with predicting death at all and being accurate about the person was years ago, through a dream (I was correct).

This sense, and other messages from Spirit are brand new to me:

A couple of days ago, as I was laying down to go to sleep, I received thoughts in my voice that were not my own. They said, reassuringly, "you know spirit is going to intervene when that bad thing happens to you"

I know it wasn't actually me because I didn't personally refer to it as 'spirit'. I used to think of it as 'Source'. Now that word doesn't seem to describe it anymore.

I feel like it is amazing that I will have interference of some kind. I use that fact to try to stay positive when I get anxious about it. This makes me think that maybe I will transition, but spirit will catch me in the ether and give me permission to come back down.

After having those thoughts, I immediately got up and locked the doors because I don't know what bad thing, or when.

And yesterday, while I was taking a shower, I got really excited and felt like I was "going on a trip soon". I thought that somehow I would quickly finish the books I am working on, and move to the state I am planning to live in - but that explanation did not feel right. I really didn't know where the trip could be to.

I really don't feel like/sense that anything bad is going to happen to me, nor that I should be particularly worried for any reason. I also don't feel as though my "time is almost up."

All information gathered, with 10 being most scared, I am probably a 5, and since I first had that sense, this has only disturbed my sleep once - which is why I decided to write here about it. I had a dream that included a woman in black clothes with long, grey hair and I couldn't go back to sleep because I thought maybe she was a dream symbol of death. (I don't remember any other parts of my dream. Just her. It wasn't like that premonition I mentioned before which accurately predicted events that would follow and words that people actually ended up saying afterwards).

I wasn't going to add this in, but they could be part of my message from spirit. The person who's death I predicted was my mom. This happened when I was 16, she passed maybe 2 weeks later. I have also been having dreams about her lately. In most, she is very lively and happy. But I don't think these are 'visitations'. It is more that she's playing a role than actually communicating from the other side.

I have anxiety about how and when it will happen to me. My question is WHY would I just die? I am healthy, and I live a very restricted life. I'm sure it's possible, but I am not likely to be in any deadly accidents.

Since everything is dictated by free will is it possible that I do not have to experience it? Is there any way I can ward it off?