I need some help identifying the cause of some things that have been happening to me lately, if anyone has any knowlege on this. I appreciate your time reading, I know this type of thing is taxing.
I have been entering trance like states sometimes after meditating for a minute and usually practice automatic writing or dream drawing to know myself better. But, I wrote in my esoteric journal the other night some cryptic things, starting with needing to write "I have a curse" at the top. While writing this, I was trying to draw a projection sequence visualization, and it kind of took over a page worth of writing and the first drawing, I dunno. Then, today, I started seeing closed eye hallucinations, where if I meditation on the words "I want to see" they become clearer, like black and blue photos. It started with explosions, then a small rectangle with video of zooming through stars. Then, later, it was black and white energetic waves, almost spreading like ink with little black silhouettes of people in it coming in and out. I'm worried about being possessed by something evil, maybe that I've caught while doing research, but the idea of a curse is frightening because my family has always been involved with the esoteric to some degree.
Considering it may be a curse, I have tried to rule out some sources.
As for a person, I can only think of my mother in law who does make things involving witchcraft but claims to not take any of it seriously, and the group I'm in AMORC, some people practice types of magic as well. My aunt seems to have a strange energy too, like, lights turn off at my moms house on the phone with her when shes mad and that kind of thing. My mom was involved with a dark man but that was around a year ago and he is in prison now. The mother in law is involved with wiccan things, AMORC in white magic, my aunt is mostly just spiritual and the man may have been into Kaballah. I can\'t think of any other possibilities with people involved.
As for an object, I did get a mysterious frame from a thrift store a few months ago. It's kind of a joke around the house that it's a cursed Masonic thing, because I got it directly before starting my research. I'm afraid I could have angered an entity or something. I'm not sure of the nature of it so I'm nervous to showing the page of writing or the symbols or the frame now. If you want to take a look I'll send them but I don\'t know what the energy is. Viewer beware lol. But it's very strange and very strong.
The "curse" seems to not let me think or write about SOMETHING whenever I try to communicate it. It's extremely sketchy. It's like, I can\'t write, say, type what the thing is, because it doesn't want me to be able to tell about it. I'm worried about mind control or maybe manipulation from something darker that doesn't want to be detected. I've had this come and go but not been able to write about it until now. It's like, as soon as I remember a wave of darkness washes over me and dread, then I feel like I need to write it down or tell someone, and when I try to it never ever allows me to. My mind starts deteriorating trying to get it out, making it impossible to communicate it.
Making me think I have a curse could be a way of manipulation from something, because now I'm afraid to even show what I wrote, I don't want this on anyone else lol. Could something be passed through seeing symbols?
It may be worth mentioning I tried an online tarot and got 10 of Pentacles as an answer to if I have a curse, so take that as you will. I did this on advice from another, I know little to nothing about tarot, readings, curses, possessions, what have you.
Thank you for your time reading this, and if you have any advice or think you could help, I would appreciate any response. I don't know who to turn to at this time and am trying all outlets. I plan on meditating and "seeing" more through the closed eye hallucinations to gather more information in the nature of this energy, as it could be anything from a curse to subliminal fears.