I am one confused person. There were times that I had thought of something, but ignored it, then it happens. My words are also powerful that when I say something and again, ignore it, it comes true, without my intentions.
When I was still a child, probably in 2nd grade elementary, I was getting hungry and out of no where, thought of eating corn. I just thought about this on my mind and told no one, when suddenly, when I arrived at home there was a pile of corn and I was so happy. Back then I wasn't fully aware of it and just stayed as happy as I can as I was a child.
As I grow up, I grew aware of these things that come into mind and then happens. During high school, I was on my way home with my sisters. I was thinking of the plate number of the vehicle I last rode. I was sure that the number that popped into my mind wasn't it, but it kept on insisting. I had this cunning feeling so it got stuck on my mind. So I was thinking, "Will this number appear in any of the vehicles here?" The number that I thought of was 050. One by one, vehicle numbers came. First was 090, next was 070, then there was 050. I was really surprised so I suddenly gasp out loud. My sister asked why I did that, and I told her why.
The next day was my sisters' field trip, so I was all alone when going home. I thought of the number 050 and thought, "Will I ever ride there again?" I was in the line, there were two people before me, therefore, a vehicle each. When my turn came up, a big space was there and the vehicle that I was supposed to ride on was blocked by another. Out of nowhere, vehicle 050 came. I was standing there with my eyes all wide staring at the numbers. So I was forced to ride there. I told my mother about this and she was amazed. The next days she told me about the lottery. There is a part there that you could win big with just three numbers. You know what the numbers were? 0-5-0. It shocked me. I told our house hold helper to bet but she didn't listen to me. She could've been rich by now.
There were more incidents after that. When I saw my crush, my best friend got jealous and wanted to see her crush as well, but there wasn't any way. I then told her, "I swear, you will see your crush this afternoon." Which I totally ignored. Then that afternoon she called me and said I love you. I was wondering why then realized that what I nonsensically said came true. There were more from high school but I can't tell all of them. My fingers are getting tired.
It's just not that of what I'm thinking. Sometimes, when I really insist on it and doesn't seem to care, it really happens. Like the time when me and my best friend were told to represent our section in an art contest. Man, were my competition great. They were all better than me. Me and my friend were singing the choir's alleluja because of a movie we watched. Then I said, our target is the second place. And I really kept on insisting that we will win second place and that I was really proud of our work despite the ugliness. Lol. When the results came, we completely forgot about the competition, we were surprised that we were called in second place. IT HAPPENED. It also happens in weather. When it is raining so hard and I forgot my umbrella, I wouldn't worry because I don't know why but I'm confident that it would stop the moment I go home. And it does.
Just recently (now in college), my classmate got pregnant. She's sort of my friend and my reaction when she told me was a total blank. Normally I would go "Oh My GOSH!" followed by questions but this time, I fully ignored it. I had this gut feeling that the baby wouldn't live but I couldn't tell her since I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. So once again, I ignored it and thus, coming to the conclusion that the baby didn't live. Trust me, she wants to conceive the child and take care of it, but due to her actions, the baby inside her which was still weeks old, died. She told me. I wasn't really sure why inside my mind I keep telling myself, "who cares, the baby wouldn't live any way..." now I feel guilty 'cause I now think that I killed someone by my words.
I know very well that my words are too powerful that it happens especially when I ignore it, so sometimes, I really think about what to say. But the things that come into my mind can't be helped. Also especially when I ignore it.
How can I improve my abilities if ever I have one and how could I use it to help others when I don't even know when it comes to my mind and just happens? Is there any possibility that I could control when it occurs?