Growing up, I always sensed that I was different. I know that many people feel this way, but it was always like there was a specific reason that I was put on the Earth and went through the many trials of my early life. My mother and father were heavily involved in drugs and partying and they eventually gave up their rights to me and I went to live with my grandparents. This was not a much happier home, but despite the constant turmoil, I was always centered. It was like there was a higher purpose or ambition in me that made me different from the rest of my family.
I had never been exposed to, nor did I believe in the spiritual world at all, even in early childhood. My family was Catholic, but I had never believed in God at all, even at the age of 5. There was a particular experience at Knock Shrine in Ireland, an abbey where the Virgin Mary was believed to have appeared to the people. It was a spiritual awakening for me, but not because of the Virgin Mary. I realize now that this was probably the first time I was visited, but at the time I knew the presence only as a voice in my own head. (I still only really know it this way honestly.) It told me not to accept what I had been told about life and death. It was the first time a profound thought would send chills through out my body. A few weeks later I was laying in bed next to my Grandmother and I asked her "where do you go when you die?" Naturally she replied "You go to Heaven." But I shook my head and looked at her sternly and said "Where do you REALLY go?" She tried to explain that you really DO go to heaven when you die, and that I would be joining Jesus and the saints, words that were usually enough to comfort a young child, but I was only more frightened because I knew she had lied to me when she answered.
I would be obsessed with death and the afterlife for another four years, often losing sleep worrying about things which I think were just beyond my comprehension at that age. It was that encounter with my Grandmother which had disquieted me because although she had sought to reassure me, I had actually read her own uncertainty about the Spiritual realm. I learned years later that my questioning had really shaken her. She had already been questioning her faith for years and my very adult line of questioning had forced her to lie about her own beliefs.
I continued to have obsessive thoughts about death and dying, although I kept my thoughts and fears to myself. It was only when puberty struck that I began to experience other unusual traits about myself. Always considered an "intuitive" child, I was beginning to be able to read people from sight alone, and could sense the mood and tensions in a room as soon as I entered it. I knew almost instantly if a person was going to have a positive or a negative influence on my life. When people were working against me or speaking ill of me, I always sensed it.
As I grew into late childhood the abilities were more defined. I began finishing people's sentences and picking up on their thoughts. More interestingly, people began being able to read mine. It's like my thoughts volume is turned up high when I am feeling something strongly. Even to this day, people can always tell when I am thirsty, hungry, cold, etc. I saw it at the time as just being very good at reading people. This opinion would slowly change as my abilities became more specific and more unexplainable.
I have always believed in the paranormal, but I never considered myself to be connected to the spiritual realm in any way. Others I have met (including complete strangers) have tried to tell me otherwise, that I am a strong and important spirit, that there is work for me to do. It was not until very recently that I began to wonder if the impossible might be possible...
I do not believe I am a medium. I believe I am tuned into the living realm in a similar way. I have come to understand that I am an old soul, that I am a source of energy to other souls or spirits. I think I am "haunted" by the living in a way. Other people's emotions sometimes manifest around me physically. Sometimes my own emotions effect things. Street lights go out quite often when I drive or walk by them. At least six or seven in one short trip. Sometimes lights just flicker instead.
Last night I believe I was visited by a spirit. I have encountered otherworldly entities before, but never had I experienced them in a physical way as I did last night. Something or someone touched my hand and then hugged me. It was a very gentle feeling, like a tingle, and I think that is because the spirit did not want to frighten me or startle me. I believe it was someone I know, but I couldn't identify them. But the spirit was defiantly not from the living realm. It is still here in the room with me now. I feel like it is a good spirit, but that it will try to contact me further. This is all new for me. Any advice?
I have always been ahead of my peers emotionally and spiritually, but I used to think this was because I was more focused on those things. Now I am realizing that there is so much more to the world than what I can see and that sometimes seeing is not believing. There is a higher truth.