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Sruggling To Embrace Myself

 

Although just recently introduced to the idea of clairempathy, I have always known that there was something special about me. I know that everyone says that, but it is true. For as long as I can remember (starting around five or six), I have known things about people, that I had no way of knowing. I have been able to tell if people were upset, or if something was on their mind, even if they said there was nothing. And in some cases, I can not only tell that something is wrong, but also what exactly is wrong. This is few and far between though. I have many times walked into a room feeling one way, and two seconds later feel completely different. There are other times when I walk into a room full of people, and I feel so overwhelmed I want to just sit down and cry. I know this may be long, but here is my story.

I have always been good with helping people, giving advice, solving disagreements and arguments, but when I moved across the country, everything seemed to change. The people where I live now were so different than the people from where I used to live, and I could hardly adapt. I began to shut myself off, and close everyone out. I became very self-reliant and I would avoid large groups of people, and avoid going to school if I could. The people I went to school with always gave me headaches, left me feeling tired and empty, and I didn't understand why. Feeling empty and alone, I turned to drugs and alcohol.

Drugs and alcohol were my way of masking the way everyone made me feel, and when I was drunk or high, I felt free of the loneliness and pain I normally felt. I became a severe alcoholic and drug addict. About three months after I began using, my dad looked me in the eye and told me he didn't even know me, and I was not his daughter. I was shocked, I was sickened by myself, and I felt alone again. I looked at all the damage I had done, and I knew I could not keep using, so I quit. I quit on my first try, and only had one small relapse.

But because I had quit using didn't mean that I was all of a sudden all better. I continued to shelter myself, and avoid people as much as I could. It was not long after I quit though that started making friends, and opening up again. And about a month after my relapse, I was talking with one of my closest friends, and he told me about empathy.

At first I was very cautious about it. The whole idea of being psychic was not one that would be accepted by my dad, and I knew that. I was very quiet about it, and I did my research, but now I am certain that I am an empath. The idea still makes me nervous, and I am still working on perfecting my abilities, but I am so glad that I now recognize what I can do and who I am. I feel very alone, though, knowing that I cannot tell my dad, my boyfriend, or any of my friends. Only one person knows. I would really like some advice on how to work on my abilities, and just some general support with growing up as an empath, and learning how to control myself and my powers.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, SmileInYourSleep, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Clairempathy (1 posts)
 
8 years ago (2012-02-03)
Have any of yourl felt energy pulsating through your hands?
SmileInYourSleep (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-12)
CuriousPsychic13 - Thank you for the support, it really means a lot. (:

And he and I have talked about it quite a bit. He says sometimes I can even push my emotions onto him, which I feel bad for, but I guess it is a good thing at the same time. He and I will spend hours together, not saying or doing anything, just so we can work on our connection. It has surprisingly been going really well. He and I try to get as much alone time as we can to work on it, it really means a lot to me and he knows it. He is the one person who really tries to help and understand me. He doesn't judge me when I'm in a bad mood or upset, he just hugs me and tells me it will be okay. I can honestly say I love him, and I hope that he and I can remain friends for a very long time.<3
SmileInYourSleep (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-12)
I do, as you, DZInfinate, find it a lot of help to write things down. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and helps me make more sense of things, thank you. I will keep that in mind.
I do need to work on protecting myself, but I feel like I'm only moving baby steps at a time, and I guess I am just becoming impatient. I need to work on that, too.
CuriousPsychic13 (16 stories) (141 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-11)
A little. Sometimes I'll feel like someones tugging at my heart, and I'll find that someone I'm close to was upset, or something happened. The suddenly clicking with someone, been there, done that. It's nice and you feel so much more comforted. Reading mind, never done it, but if it's normal for you, that's good. Headaches, good lord I have one like every day. It's because my ears are sensitive, and they start hurting, then my head. So I suppose it would be.
Oh, and try practising with your friend controlling emotions, it could be very useful in a dangerous situation. But only do it if your both comfortable.
DZInfinite (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-11)
i can explain to you how to gain better control of the empathy as I to have the same ability. At first my power to know what someone was great but then I realized I couldn't turn it off. It began to hurt me when I felt others stress and worry constantly then I endend up in jail, but I have grown lots stronger sence my awakening
And I'm hear to tell you it starts with your mental imagining. You need some way to channel all that energy your feeding off of or it will kill you. I use mental imagining to calm down all those thoughts and feelings flowing through me daily. I keep a pen and pad with me to write about what I want the feeling to do. If its bad I write a creative solution (weather possible or not) that will solve the problem. I realized I had to develope my third eye chakra if I was going to have the control I wanted in life. Now when ever I get feelings I don't like I create a mental warrior that can fight them off to put them to rest. This has greatly increased my ability to cope with everyday life.
SmileInYourSleep (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-11)
I am trying to work on it, and work on shielding myself, but it seems like the more I think about it, and the more I try to control it, the more headaches I get.

I'm not sure if headaches are normal for a growing empath.

And another thing is that... The one person I have told is one of my best friends, even though I haven't known him that long. He and I seem to have a special connection, but I don't really understand it. I can tell what he's feeling and a lot of times I can read his mind, even if we are miles away. I don't think I can do this with many other people, and I'm curious is that is normal or not?
CuriousPsychic13 (16 stories) (141 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-11)
Well, at least you've figured out what your gifts are, that's the easy part. For me, my most recently identified gift was Biokinesis. I've been working on it for a few days, and I can change the shade of my eyes with thought and some chanting. Unfortunetly I also have pink eye, so the one eyes is changing slower then the other. Anyway, the point to that is perfecting it, practising it, using it, tolerating is an entirely different ball game. Another example, my senses are all hightening scarily fast, and I have to keep readapting to my sensitivity to light, certain sounds, smells, taste, the whole works, so be patient with readapting, it can be hard.
The whole Empathy thing, I know of, heard of, can explain it, but have never experienced it really. I tend to know through body language, and expressions, even if they cover it up. Of coarse being psychic/medium is amazing, most deffinetly the most out of this world thing ever, but it's also difficult and you see people who simply laugh saying; I could handle that, or Why are you such a wreck? Point is, you are alone, but your not. You can talk to that person who knows, they might not understand and be able to give you advice, but they can listen. Hope I helped, Curious.
i-believe-in-love (7 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-11-11)
I can completely understand your not being able to tell anyone, and feeling so completely alone.

I wish you luck. I would offer my opinion, but I don't know too much about it myself. I'm only just figuring things out now.

God Bless,
Lauren ❤

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