Hopefully discussion surrounding this post will provide me with an insight into myself. Each experience I've had is so personal and I've not shared them. I feel I need a second opinion.
When I was younger I saw the occasional shadow figure in my parent's house. It was in the same room each and every time. It happened again when I was home alone. It was so real this time I thought somebody was in the house. In another instance I suddenly awoke for no reason, opened my eyes and I saw a blue haze young man watching me sleep. As soon as I consciously recognized what I was seeing, I jumped in fright and he disappeared.
As a teenager I began to frequent my local new age store and became interested in psychics. I purchased angel cards. When my granddad passed away I used my angel card to get a message from him. I shuffled them, picked one card and I got the exact same card 3 times in a row. The card was the only card in the entire pack which told me my deceased loved one has a message for me. In the same house and on two different occasions I smelled my deceased grandpa (an aroma of stale smoke as he was a heavy smoker) and my deceased grandma's fragrance (a unmistakable floral perfume).
When I lived in this home my parents commented on my moodiness. They said I was an emotional roller coaster. They couldn't keep up. I am a highly emotional person who feels emotions deeply and intensely. In my later teenage years I was diagnosed with depression. There was no cause for all of this. My life was great! The doctor put it down to stress.
In my early twenties I moved out of my parent's home. I continued seeing psychics and using my angels cards but never saw black shadows or blue haze people in my house. I began talking to my guardian angel and welcomed his/her help. One night when my fiance was away, I woke up in bed for no reason at all and cheekily thought 'my guardian angel is going to have to keep me company'. Suddenly, I felt a firm pressure sensation on my lower back. The pressure moved slowly up my back and the pressure made it to my head. I was terrified. I couldn't move. When at my head I heard the loud sound of static. The only sound I can liken it to is when you have your mobile phone too close to a radio. It got louder and louder and eventually I was so scared I willed it away. The pressure feeling reverted down my spine again and went away. From then on I was too scared to spend time alone. I felt the presence of somebody or something behind me for days. I couldn't sleep. Fear of the unknown I guess. At this point in my life my parents commented I was a different person - less stressed, relaxed and carefree. My dad attributed this to 'growing up' and but now I'm beginning to wonder if this has something to do with the odd energies I sensed in their old house.
Recently, when my dog was outside I thought I would experiment with an angel invocation meditation I have on a CD. During meditation I was so relaxed my body felt like it was floating, my limbs were jerking uncontrollably, I felt a presence at my feet and in my mind I saw a white haze. These sensations heightened so much I became fearful. I ended the meditation. Afterward, I let my dog into the house and she sprinted to the room I was meditating in. She stared into a vacant space, growled at it and crouched down like she was ready to attack. She was so fixated I couldn't distract her from it. She worked up the courage to move closer, then backed away, then moved closer and backed away. She was so enthralled in this 'space'. After 5 minutes or so she settled down and walk around this space, sniffing as if somebody was standing there. This freaked me out and I've not had the courage to do the meditation again.
I regularly talk to my guardian angel. I've always had strong 'gut feelings' which I have always followed. Every time I acknowledge these feelings/sensations and follow them I feel I am on the right path and my life seems to flow easily. If I ignore the feelings I feel anxious, moody and I feel like my spirit is unsettled. I make it a point to follow my gut instincts. Anything I have ever asked my guardian angel to help me with has come true. One day when speaking to my guardian angel I felt so emotionally overwhelmed for no reason at all that I cried like a baby. In my adulthood I've learned my grandfather use to be a faith healer and my cousin often astral travels.
Since communicating with my guardian angel I see triple digits everywhere. I get the sudden urge to look at a digital clock, microwave screen, oven or a car's license plate for no reason at all and it's always when there is 111, 444 or 555. I tend to see the numbers 444 most commonly these days. Some say it is my guardian angel reminding me I am on the right path and they are here with me.
I'm a highly motivated person with some unexplainable inner drive. The inner drive I have to succeed is so powerful that I feel like my soul is being 'wasted' in the monotony of my daily job and I feel I have a more important role ahead of me. I have an increasing longing for developing my spirituality and need some help and guidance to do so. I don't know where to start. I have a fear of the unknown spiritual world which I have experienced and feel this is preventing me from developing my intuition further. What do you think of my experiences? Who has had similar experiences? Where do I go from here to fulfill this deep need for spirituality? Do you know of any books/ courses/websites that may help me? Do you have any personal experiences or knowledge which may help me?