For as long as I can remember, these strange moments would occur when I would instantly become overwhelmed with intense emotion whether it be sadness, happiness, anxiety, anger or fear, you name it, and for no apparent reason. (No, I do not think that I have a mood disorder...lol)
Ok so, I specifically remember as far back as a time when I was about 6. I remember breaking out in tears one day. When my mother ran to my side to ask me what the matter was, I told her that I had missed my father. Lol Perfectly normal sounding I know, however my father left when I was 2 years old, too young to care. She looked at me in confusion. Then I corrected myself and told her that she was the one who missed him a lot and explained why. I began to explain a dream I had of him walking out on us in perfect detail. She freaked. When he left, I was two. Why was I having perfect detailed dreams about that moment? How could I have possibly remembered? A little later on in life she brought that time when I was 6 back up and told me that during that very time she was in fact experiencing depression because of their divorce. How would I have known? That's my first time ever having one of my "moments". Lol
Hold on, it gets better. Okay so growing up I've always been this "sensitive" person. When I say sensitive I mean extremely aware of how others are feeling to a point of even knowing exactly what they're thinking.
For example: I was approaching the doors to a movie theatre with a group of friends and suddenly a woman walked out towards us. Instantly I felt this rush of sorrow, an aching in my chest and my thoughts began to race. Then I started crying. My friend asked me what was wrong and I told her about the woman. I told her that something was terribly wrong with her. Our group walked up to the woman and she then came to us and started talking anxiously about the movie she just saw, how it reminded her of her dead loved ones and how she misses them so much. She began to cry hysterically. We all talked and eventually she calmed down and walked away. It was still a little unsettling because even though she smiled and said she felt better, I still felt this depression even after she left... But ok, moving on.
Just recently, I had a break down due to this sensitivity.
One afternoon, I was walking through the crowded halls of my high school and was hit with this immense amount of emotion all at once and did not know what to do. I came home and cried to my best friend and mom and eventually to sleep. I absolutely dread this.
Okay I get it. I can feel what you're feeling but I really wish I could control this. It's tearing me apart. The moments I have mentioned are only few of many lol so you can imagine how tired I am of this.
I don't know what to do. My mom is kind of a spiritual person. She tells me to not put too much energy in to it but that's not working much. It's not something I can just ignore... Unless you guys know something I don't.
Can anyone relate and if so, can you help me?
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