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Confused, What Am I?


I am a 22 year old female university student. Ever since I was a child, I've always been simultaneously attracted to and frightened by the supernatural world. I have gently dabbled in Wicca once or twice in my life, but for one reason or other I've always pulled away; quite possibly out of fear. I feel a very strong pull towards nature, particularly in the fall on windy, cloudy days; there's just an undeniable electricity in the air for me. I think I may have some strengths when it comes to summoning the wind, but I hear that this can cause catastrophic effects around the world so I try not to test it out too often.

I'm also *very* attached to animals and I love them more than humans. I feel deeply connected to them and they love me, too. In fact there's a beautiful, young black cat who walks around my neighborhood and has become friends with me. He's anything but shy, freely rubbing up against my legs and running over to me if I call him. When I don't see him for long stretches of time, I worry for him.

I also have many characteristics of an empath or 'highly sensitive person' and this has been a huge struggle for me, as I feel the pain of others as if they were my own, even if it's on a TV show (the season finale of Grey's Anatomy *absolutely* traumatized me for days because I felt that it was happening to me). I have also struggled with depression in the past and am currently recovering from an eating disorder.

Probably most terrifying of all is that I have had dreams of people that I don't know of dying, and within days or weeks it happens. For example, when I was about 14 years old I dreamt that an elderly man had passed away. In the dream when the news was delivered, a young man (one of the managers of my parents' work place) was upset and people were standing around in a certain part of the work building. A couple weeks later, standing in the exact same place, I found out that the manager's father had passed away. Also a further note on dreams - mine tend to be *very* vivid and in many cases I am conscious in them and can recognize that I am dreaming.

I've tried certain psychic tests, and the results have always been frustratingly comical. I find myself second guessing what number or image matches the hidden card, it always comes down to two, and I *always* choose the wrong one. When it gives me the correct answer, 9/10 times it's the other one I didn't pick.

I don't know if I'm a witch, a star child, an inexperienced psychic, or some other supernatural being that I've never heard of, or a combination of more than one of the above. I just know that I don't fit in with "normal" (I put that word in quotations because really, who decides what normalcy is?) people. I have been wanting to consult a psychic for help and advice, however it's been difficult for me to locate one that isn't a fraud. I was wondering if anyone could possibly help me identify myself and figure out what I might be and what I should do to better know myself?

I appreciate anyone taking the time to read and respond to this, thank you so much.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, AutumnEyes, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Oracle101 (2 stories) (506 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-10)
You might be a Medium; a person who is contacted by the dead just shortly before they die. After they die their soul realizes you are a Medium and so they travel back in time through the portal to show you their death, hoping you can prevent it or solve it. Of course we are not meant to prevent their death since it is fate and pre-destined. You need to decide if you want to help these souls.

Read my own story to see what the life of a Psychic Medium can entail.

Have you contacted your Guides for help?

This is in reply to the question you posted on my own story.

Oracle101, Psychic and Medium for 44 years

Always happy to help others.

For more advice on this subject and others click on my profile name to read my stories and other posts.

If you want advice from me please post your own story then post a short request on mine asking for advice. I will then post my reply on your own story page.
AutumnEyes (1 stories) (9 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-07)
[at] gaiamara - Thank you so much! You are so kind to take the time to offer sending me suggestions:) I bought that Scott Cunningham book "Wicca: a guide for the solitary practitioner" over the weekend and I read it in one sitting, it was amazing. I would love to hear what other books you recommend. My email address is autumneyes.xox [at], I will write you soon:) xoxo
gaiamara (19 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-06)
AutumnEyes, you are most welcome:) I'm glad I could offer something of use. If Wicca is something that interests you I would recommend getting some good books out of the library: "Wicca: A guide for the solitary practitioner" by Scott Cunningham is an excellent book, as is "Power of the Witch" by Laurie Cabot - she has some excellent psychic practices. If you'd like to know of anymore just email me at teneal79 [at] and I'll give you a massive list;-)

Don't be embarrassed to ask questions! There is no such thing as a silly question. You can strengthen your auric shield through visualisation and energy practices. Google "auric shield" and you'll get a fair few hits on techniques. It's quite easy and just requires that you do it regularly to build-up your ability.

Contacting guides can be a bit trickier, but there are some great journey-meditations that can help you. There are heaps of cds that you can get (could probably d/l some quite easily) or you can find a journey and record it for yourself to listen back to. I find a recorded journey is much easier than trying to remember where you're supposed to be going as you go there.

There are actually a few on youtube so have a look on there for "spirit guide meditations" or something similar. Another method is via yoga nidra, which is a deep relaxation that provides psychic sleep (the mind is awake and stilled but the body sleeps). You can use yoga nidra to set an intention to work towards and it's ridiculously effective. It's a more round-about way of contacting your guides but it tends to open up more channels through which to work. For more info on this just email me and I'll send you a bunch of stuff:-P

You can do it! ^^ Blessings xox
AutumnEyes (1 stories) (9 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-04)
PS - I just realized an interesting connection that I thought I should add on to my question. Last night after I saw the little golden ball of light, I did some more reading and finally went to bed quite late (around 3 am or so) and I had a dream that there were these fairly large spiders in my apartment. They weren't doing any harm, just remained motionless on my cupboards in the kitchen and such.

Just now I went to google "golden orbs" to see if I could find a picture that would match the golden ball I saw last night, and all I got were pictures of a type of spider that apparently weaves golden coloured silk, and so it seems they are called "golden silk orb-weavers". Any connection somehow to the ball I saw or perhaps no connection at all? Potential symbolism?
AutumnEyes (1 stories) (9 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-04)
Hi everyone, just wanted to say thank you again for all your helpful comments, and [at] straddygirl I'm glad I could be of some help! I thought I would give you guys a little update as well as ask a question.

I feel such a strong calling to Wicca, and so I decided to go to a bookstore and find some books to read about it. Yesterday I picked up Scott Cunningham's introduction to Wicca and I ended up reading through the entire thing in one go! I feel a profound connection to this religion and I'm trying to figure things out.

Now, for my question. Late last night as I was reading, a tiny, sparkling gold circle/ball appeared right in my line of vision on the page and disappeared within a moment. It startled me completely out of what I was reading! I've never experienced something so solidly visual like this before. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what it was? Thank you!
straddygirl (2 stories) (7 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-03)
Thank you autumneyes.
You have helped me greatly. The information on that site has so much relevance to me. 😊
AutumnEyes (1 stories) (9 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-02)
[at] straddygirl - This is the website where I got some info about star children (indigo and crystal) Hope this helps:)

[at] who_knows - Thank you for your words of wisdom, I will definitely keep that mind... It's hard for me if I'm in an environment where people are angry because I tend to feel that negativity, but I am trying to focus on myself and not confuse my feelings with those of others. This is easier said than done of course haha but all we can do is our best
straddygirl (2 stories) (7 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-02)
Can I ask what is a star child. I have never heard that befor. But I'm asking in relation to something someone once said to me when I was young. So I'm curious as to whether this is something that relates to me. Can anyone tell me about that and what it means.
who_knows (1 stories) (7 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-02)
you have more power than you know, watch your strengths and never get too angry
AutumnEyes (1 stories) (9 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-01)
Thank you SnowAngel12 for your advice. Meditation sounds like it would be a fantastic idea. I have meditated a couple times in my life and the experience was very powerful, so I would love to get back into it again.

As far as doubts go, I don't often doubt others of their abilities (with the exception of certain fraudulent psychics of course), however I do tend to worry if I am imagining certain things when it comes to myself. The key things though that I do not self-doubt are my empathic responses, the particular dream about that man's father passing away, and the magnetic pull I experience in particular environments. I will certainly look into your recommendations of profiles to read. 😊
SnowAngel12 (guest)
12 years ago (2010-10-01)
[at] gaimara

Your words of wisdom is enlightening. Plus you make a very strong point on "you are who you are". I agree on finding oneself more then getting the answer completely from a psychic in which case they are cryptic as well. This brings back more questions in which case you probably go around the whole question you were seeking.

[at] autumneyes
You are correct on the thought of the guardians will come up and tell you when they feel like its the right time. They know when you are not ready, because of your doubts. Meditation is the key to unlocking yourself. In this site if you search around are people who actual know what they are doing. I recommend couple of people to look into their profile and read what they got to say. Oracle 101 and fossilera. Filter the information that are relevant and compare your experience with theirs as well as others.
AutumnEyes (1 stories) (9 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-01)
Wow, thank you so much for your thoughtful response, gaiamara! 😁 I truly appreciate your advice. I have always felt drawn to Wicca but then I also feel a caution around it as well, which makes me feel uncertain about how to proceed. I have read a couple of very useful websites, but perhaps I will do some more research.

This is kind of an embarrassing question, but how do I strengthen my aura? I'm not even sure what colour mine is, haha:P Also where can I learn what guardians exist and how to contact mine? It can be difficult to do research on the internet where there can be a lot of false information; I'm assuming the best way is through meditation and patience until they let themselves be known to you, but I don't know if there are other ways?

Thank you so much again for your helpful and encouraging words! Best wishes always xox
gaiamara (19 posts)
12 years ago (2010-10-01)
Dear one, you are YOU! A unique and beautiful individual. I've always found that I have myriad psychic gifts that come and go, ebb and flow, but all are useful in their own way. You are psychic, but then we all are. It is an aspect of ourselves that we can develop and some of us have held onto it through our childhoods more strongly than others.

I hesitate to suggest a path upon which to walk, because that is something that we all must find for ourselves, but you do seem to have a pagan affinity. If Wicca doesn't "click" for you look around for other spiritual paths that might. It's not necessary to follow a specific path but it helps to begin spiritual quests with a structure - after a time you'll create your own from what you've learned and are interested in.

The unknown is always going to be frightening for the simple fact that we can't place it in a box or comprehend it fully. However, to seek is to grow and to learn is to know, so psychically protect yourself and explore the worlds that are in our grasp.

I know it's tempting to go to another psychic for answers but to seek within oneself is far more fulfilling. I'd suggest you try some Journeying. There are a great many cd's available for such things, but I would highly recommend Christopher Penzack as he really takes you on some incredible journeys into yourself. However, there are hundreds to choose from so search for one that sounds right for you. Perhaps a "Spirit Guide" journey or similar. I promise you'll find more comprehensive answers this way than by going to someone else.

One last piece of advice, protect yourself before you do any kind of meditative work. Strengthen your aura and surround yourself in an energetic circle. Ask a guardian that you're comfortable with to watch over you as well, if you feel it necessary. It pays to be cautious 😆 Good luck xox

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