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Is This Empathy Or My Imagination?

 

I've always known I was different, but until reading the stories on this website, I always assumed that it was because I read too many books and simply thought about things more than anyone else. I'm a 15 year old high school boy, and I think I could be a weak empath, but due to my childhood I am naturally very skeptical about anything I read or hear, online especially. I've been prone to imagining things to make myself feel stronger, but I'm not sure about this one. These stories that I've read about struck a chord inside of me, and with many of them a voice inside of me acknowledged that I've been through the same things without knowing it. I should warn you all that this one is going to be long, so you might want to skip to the bottom.

I think I started being this way in jr. High, and that's also when my friends started leaving me. I don't think I was doing anything unusual, so I know they didn't leave because of me. But one after another, the few people I had for friends started moving away, until in 8th grade I felt like I was completely alone. It was about then that I started realizing that everyone else didn't think the same way I did, that other people seemed to be numb on the outside to big issues like friendship and other emotions. Jr. High dances always were hard for me, and I always ended up leaving the room for a little while. I tried to go to every one, though, just because I wanted to make more friends.

My first possible "psychic" experience was late this year, so I'm still new at this. I had made what I thought were new friends, but it soon became clear to me that they didn't seem to care about me as much as I cared about them. Then, for a while, I almost lost myself completely. For about a month, I simply lived according to routine, not really enjoying anything. My memories of this time are few and far-between, but I do remember that I couldn't remember my grade school days during this time. I don't think I had a real purpose to live then, looking back, but my mind is sharp enough to recognize that suicide would be the absolute worst thing to contemplate.

An anime brought me back into the world of the conscious. For some reason, I started watching a few episodes just to see what it was all about. Then, it hit me that I was actually feeling what the characters were feeling, most easily sorrow, loss, and strangely, love and peacefulness. I remembered that I felt these things before, and that helped me snap out of my condition. Alas, the first emotion that came back to me was sorrow, because I knew that now I was more alone than I had ever been in my life, and I started feeling that my friends only put up with me, and didn't care for me at all. However, I had never felt love like I did when I felt it through the show, which gives me hope in that I have the capacity to love someone like that.

Right about then, I felt that something was missing, like there was someone I knew I could trust and love, someone who understood what I went through. The memories of being in love like that seem so real, but I can't identify who it could be. Also, ever since Jr. High, I've felt these chills I can only describe as being related to some inner power. Later, I started being able to cause them on my own, but, like I said earlier, it's like there's something missing for me to release the power and do things. I can cause them when I contemplate any kind of energy-based power, but I lose focus after a while. Mainly, I try to focus the power into transforming myself somehow, but it's never worked. Does anyone out there understand what I'm saying?

I know this is getting long, so I'll cut this into two stories. I would like to clarify that I have felt many things that other empaths seem to feel when they first realize their ability (knowing when someone is hiding something, feeling drained at the end of each day, etc.) but I'm still very weak at this. I don't feel the emotions of people I don't know very well, and I have never been able to predict things in advance reliably. I labeled a few more of my thoughts in a comment on my profile page.

There are some other things, but I'll have those in my next story. All I need is for someone to tell me if this is real or something my imagination made up to make me feel better. Much as I would like to think I'm special, all I really need is a straight answer. Thank you all for listening to me.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Heiwanosenshi, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

TIGERKING (2 stories) (70 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-10-22)
Every person here on this earth has inate abilities that are givin to us. What determines us is not our ABILITIES it is oure moral standard. Some people need ability to cultivate and some don't. I am really glad to have found this site as it is enabling me to re-find my spiritual awakening. Thank you to the founders. I have BEEN AWAY FOR SO LONG AND NOW I AM FEELING ALL THE SIGNS AGAIN... THROUGH THIS SITE IT HAS BEEN POSIBLE. I'm far from perfect but I am a cultivator. Therefore I am learning everyday.
arjun (1 stories) (13 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-10-22)
Reading all posts made me really think if all were talking about me.
And Heiwanosenshi, I guess we should shake hands as I also realized in 8th grade that the world around me was mean and not the way I thought of it.
And I'm an empath as well.
I was deserted in 8th by most of my friends.
Do you know who became my eternal friend?
The one who always listens to me, the one who is always standing beside me no matter what time or place, the one who will never betray me-its god himself.
All you need is a divinely spiritual experience to give you the initiation. When you feel that God is really standing in front of you (maybe when you are praying in a church), just ask for his friendship and surrender every part of you to him.
Then, whenever you need him, just call him and you will never be lonely.
But you have to search for the right God. In my religion there are thousands of Gods and Goddesses but for me, Lord Krishna accepted my friendship.
No wonder why thousands of foreigners become devotees of ISKCON!
I am not promoting or persuading anyone to believe in my Lord. I just wanted to share my contentment on having the divine presence always besides me
You know, sometimes tears roll down my eyes when I realize that someone can be so kind to me😉
visionary93 (1 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-09-28)
hello, I know how you feel, I have been in an experience simular to yours, nobody wants to be lonely,

The way I coped with it was by going into a world of my own, mentally of course, it hurt that nobody could truely understand what I was going through, and I mean it hurt,

Even my "parents" thought there was something wronng with me,

Anyways, I felt as the characters felt, I became involved in their world, and whenever I laid down before I go to sleep, I would notice this feeling I had deep inside, a warm 'glow' down my spine and in the back of my head.
Krislove (65 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-02-27)
I think we've all been there before. I remember going through the same thing back in middle school but instead of accepting it as a possibility I closed it off, Now I am at another crossroad in my life where I could either choose to accept it and see what happens or close it off again. I have recently decided that I will accept it for what it is. I think it is a road we must all take and if we choose one route and it doesn't work out, the other route would come back into our lives and give us another chance, because once the choice is there, you will always have that choice readily available to you.
Libsabeth (1 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-02-12)
I am new to this site... But not to psychic experiences... It is hard to define what my abilities are... But after reading your post... I was reminded of how I felt in middle school... I had the same thoughts... About feeling things more strongly than other people around me, not feeling connected to anyone... Even from my twin sister... For me, to cope I think I just blocked it all out... Acting like everyone else until eventually I was like everyone else. But now I am searching for answers too... And trying to reconnect to the me that I have buried... Because I realize that I can never be happy acting like something I am not... I know this really doesn't answer any of your questions... But I wanted you to know that I feel the same... You are not alone.
AnandaHya (guest)
 
9 years ago (2011-01-12)
I think everyone has inner power that has yet to be tapped. Though many americans and western mystics would like to deny it, anime and other genre are based on Eastarn philosophy, religions, and folklore. It is like animated Aesops Fables. It shows Eastern ideologies in a content that Western youths and can understand and relate to.

I understand were you're coming from. I never liked big crowds or dances when I was young either. Too much emotion and tension and unmeet expectations. The important part is to learn about yourself and decide what works for you.

I'be been accused of being long winded and off topic so just check out my other comments, profile and story by clicking on my screenname. Feel free to contact me if you feel so inclined.

Its nice to know that there or other empaths out there. I've meet many in my life.

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