My strongest psychic medium experiences began in August 2010, but what's happened since has made me contemplate all the other times I sensed I was communicating with something on a spiritual level. I need to understand what I'm experiencing. Am I am empath, or are my spirit and thoughts so unprotected that certain beings can easily tap into them?
For a long time, I'd been thinking of a man I had a crush on and who I thought was interested in me also. I had a longing for him. An experience I had in June 2008 made me realize that somehow, I was able to connect with live people - hearing their thoughts and feelings - and some of them could reciprocate. I was on an airplane and saw a captivating man coming down the isle. I felt a strong sexual urge toward him and couldn't control it. It so happens he was assigned the seat next to me. As our forearms touched on the armrest, I felt us "doing it." I know it sounds insane, but it was real and intense. He acknowledged he could hear my thoughts, and I was able to feel him. It's like the Magical Realism in "Like Water for Chocolate."
I wondered who else I could communicate with in this way. So in August 2010 I decided to concentrate my thoughts on my crush. I was lying on my side in bed one night when I felt a sensation as if someone were snuggling up to my back. I knew it was him. And it was wonderful but scary at the same time to feel this "spirit" controlling me. I panicked and began praying to God and my deceased Grandma to protect me. Soon after, I was in contact with so many of my deceased family. They began communicating by writing messages with my finger. And when each one communicates, I feel their different personalities, even those who died before I knew them. I could feel them leading me to parts of the house. I sensed their energy as I looked at their photos. So many things happened that I know I wasn't controlling. One time I was taking my plate of food to eat in my room, but a spirit physically directed me to sit at the table instead. It was a 6-chair table. And then one by one, I got messages written to me about who I was sitting with. One was from my grandpa on my father's side. We'd never met. And I burst into tears... I was just overcome by what was happening.
Even though it was family and my crush, I was frustrated by what was happening. It's like I constantly sensed them around me and felt I had no control over the situation. So I lashed out. I said mean things. In turn, they became mean to me. Now they randomly flick me off and write "nuts" with my finger. My crush draws smiley faces and hearts and then flicks me off. The worst part is I've lost sense of which thoughts are mine and which are theirs. Most times I can't even tell who is acting out. And the sensations became so scary one night - they said I was going to the devil, and I burst into tears and tremors that weren't my own - that I had to tell my parents. Now they think I'm hallucinating. They don't think it's possible for spirits to have this much power, or that God wouldn't forgive whatever I said. So I am on antipsychotics. I still get the writing and sensations when I think of them, though... And sometimes without thinking of them. I told my parents I wasn't getting anymore messages because I am afraid they will put me on higher meds when I know I'm not psychotic; I just offended some powerful spirits and a medium. I can't confront my crush for fear that 1) he won't acknowledge what is happening and I will be deemed even more insane 2) it will ruin our families' relationship 3) it can ruin any future we may have together. I feel like he may still care about me but is punishing me for how I treated his and my family. Why would he still come to me if he didn't care? Can a grudge be that bad?
Just sharing my story is a relief. It's so hard to be unable to speak with anyone for fear of being called insane. But in the past when I've concentrated on a dead or alive person, I have felt their energy. It has happened on several occasions... But all of a sudden in 2008, that was the strongest psychic connection I had, and ever since 2010, it is out of my control. At this point, it's a blessing turned curse and I just want to stop it or make it better and convince my family I'm not insane. This has affected my faith. I feel like I'm being punished by God for how I treated my family. Even if it ends, I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what to make of this situation - if it's good or bad or fixable. It's mainly sensations; bouts of laughter, moving my fingers... Feeling something pushed up against me. There have been voices on a couple occasions but not much.