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Premonitions And Physical Feelings Related To Death And Loss


I'm going to start by saying that I'm conflicted with the feelings I'm having. I'm educated in Psychology and Human Anatomy and Physiology which is basically brain function and the underpinnings of our bio-chemical responses to stimuli and tetrogens (environmental influences such as drugs on the brain) I usually write off feelings or the stories of other people with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy or the vying of attention from others. I was also raised a Catholic.

With this said, I have had experiences where I am absolutely consumed by sadness and thoughts of suicide. This has happened twice with great consequence, but not for me. I'm a pretty stable person. I wasn't the happiest kid on the playground but there were and are no outstanding psycho-social issues that I have with interpersonal relationships and I was always respectful and well behaved and fiercely intelligent to the point where I was sometimes resented by my peers.

The first time I was leaving religion class and I was waiting for my mom to pick me up. I was in 6th grade and I was standing on the sidewalk with one of my classmates who I wasn't particularly close to but was an acquaintance, his father had parked the car and was coming to get him to go to mass. His father greeted me and touched my shoulder, I was repulsed and I couldn't explain the feeling or the shock that it sent through my body. I'm not a ghost whisperer and I don't have a crystal ball and I hate movies like Paranormal Activity and shows like Ghost Hunters. He died two weeks later in a car accident when he was driving to work as he lost control of his car (NYS in January or February) and entered the opposite lane being struck by a large box truck at 55 MPH.

The second time, I had a dream of a woman who was an elderly member of my family who had died. She would was my mother's cousin and died before I was born. She was wearing a white blazer with a white pencil skirt and a white veil (the kind with lace that widows wear). She was sitting on a curved stone bench under a tree, it was morning and I sensed that I was in a cemetery but there were no headstones nor a mausoleum. She said only a few things, she told me that there was going to be a weasel and birds and that I was in fact in a cemetery but nobody was here yet and they hadn't arrived. I told my mom on our drive to school and asked if there was ever somebody she knew by that name, it was again my mother's cousin who I had no idea even existed. It was September 11, 2001. I was 14 and I immediately vomited as I watched the replay of the towers being hit. I knew. My mother works at the school, she tracked me down and pulled me out of class and into the hall. She stared at me in the face and hugged me without a word. Remember, I was raised a staunch Italian Catholic and it was her doing, we're taught that these things don't exist.

The third time, it was Saturday, November 2, 2003 and I was feeling heavy and consumed by an overwhelming sense of grief and loss, I wanted to commit suicide and I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way as it was completely outside of my MO. I was on my Sunday paper route the next morning and the feeling had vanished. I dismissed it as being depressed and perhaps I should talk to somebody. I returned from my paper route to find my Aunt standing in my kitchen speaking quietly with my mother, I was told that my cousin who was 18 had committed suicide the night before at his girlfriend's college with a shotgun when she told him she no longer wanted to see him. I thought I was an absolute freak, I made the connection almost immediately but couldn't explain it. I was 16.

The fourth time happened on February 6th, 2011; I'm now 24. I was consumed with the another instance of sadness and feelings of suicide, heaviness and I sat in my garage and lit one cigarette after another. I remembered what had happened the last time I felt this way, I was terrified. It was my grandmother, she tried to commit suicide that night by overdosing on Verapamil (sp?), an oil based blood pressure medication that few people survive if overdosed because of the inability to clean the blood with hemodialysis if it was most others on the market that are water based and metabolized through the kidneys.

She exhibited very few warning signs of suicide, she'd had a stroke that had left her partially blind and had given me her entire book collection a week prior to her attempt, I dismissed it as she enjoyed her Nook because of the font size settings. I again felt that pain, some sort of communication? It's full body heaviness and thoughts of absolute violent self destruction. I'm one of her health proxies and I kept her alive because I refused to be right again. She spent 33 days in the ICU.

She was my sponsor and remains one of my closest friends. What is the connection? Why am I sensitive to this? What am I? These are not coincidences and I can't write these off with science and neurology. Am I a psychic? I feel like if I talk about things they won't happen. And then sometimes I think that I'm in the early development stages of paranoid schizophrenia but that's not the case as it started when I was 12. I have no disillusions, 75% of these "feelings" are physical. Help me, please.

I've had instances where I can turn on the radio in my truck and the song I was just singing to myself is playing, the same verse within a few words. I wrote it off as perhaps I was sensitive to radiowaves, why not? Crazier things have happened, that's how the signals are transmitted through the antennas... This happens all the time. I can tell when someone is lying to me, I can dismiss that as being sensitive to body language. I can see that a lot of this is normal but I can't ignore these instances.

Congratulations, if you've made it this far.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Pfunk2005, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Feisty1 (1 posts)
10 years ago (2012-01-10)
Like you I have experianced this through out my life. Mine can at time be very strong and on occassion more subtle. I am 35 mother of 2 and oddly enough I am now in my second semester of studying psychology. The major difference between you and I is that I have always had an understanding about this oddly strange gift and the history of it running in my family. My very first experiance was when I was 12. I woke up on December 21, 1988 at 3 am screaming at the top of my lungs and crying. We lived over seas in Scotland because my father was in the Navy and we were at a station near Glasgow. My mother was already awake and had had the same dream, we had both had a nightmare about a plane crash. We went down stairs and my mother calmed me and waited to explain it to me. She knew it was comming but not when. That day since no other news had come she told me it was a bad dream. After my father went to work she and I had dinner and watched our favorite show when a new alert came over the program to announce the lockerbie flight had exploded. She calmed me again and explained about our heritage and that sometimes when you are close enough to major tragedy you could feel things comming. I have always struggled to accept it, but I have learned to deal with it.

The hardest part is knowing when someone is dying or going to but not knowing how or why. The blessing to this is being prepared and having an oppertunity to sometimes say good bye! Fate has a plan for us all in this life and I have found that when it is more closely related to you the less information you get! At least for me! I alway know when my husband or children need me, or when a loved one is sick or going to be. Thankfully I see my children in my dreams growing and having children of their own which gives me peace. Another plus is always knowing what new babies will be, I discovered this fun lil piece of info when I was 14. When I know people are pregnant I can rub their belly and tell if it is a girl or a boy. I have not been wrong once in 21 years!

When I was 15 I started keeping a journal about my experiances. I choose to do this because they became so frequent as my horemones developed. After a while I had trouble distinguishing which was real and which were just dreams. On occassion I could also feel that somthing is not right when I was awake. On those days it is almost as if I am being stalked or watched by somthing. Anything that made me feel odd or upset I wrote down so that I could track and always remember them. Some people can block things out and say it was coincidence, I am not that lucky.

Eventually I shared this with my husband who thought o great now I have married a crazy women! Until our son was 18 months old. We had gone to visit my parents in Tn and we had left to go home after a 2 week visit. It was a rainy night with a lot of fog in the moutains and on a 2 lane curvy road I saw a sign that said prepare to meet God! I began to have a panic attack and HE had to help keep me together because I was driving and there was no where to pull over. Eventually we reached a small gas station in a tiny town and we pulled off the road. He asked what was wrong and I told him I had to get out of the car we all had to get out of the car! I did not know why yet but I could not be in that car. Thirty minuets later we got back into the car and we reached the tunnel 15 minuets later that went through the mountain. The car infront of us and the 2 cars behind us had wrecked just before the entrance to the tunnel! There were 6 bodies covered in sheets and I began to cry because I knew getting off the road had saved our lives! To this day when I get a feeling or have dreams that worry me my husband does not doubt me. It can be hard to deal with on occassion but the best advice I can give is to find a supportive person who will believe and listen to you. That one thing has helped me not to fear what I have, it actually helps me embrace those times when I can say or do somthing before it is to late.

Today I can go months without major issues. Tonight I am up because of such a dream. I am sad and my heart is breaking because I know my grandfather is very ill and will eventually be gone. This is the 4th night I have had this so it must be commming fast. At least I know in my heart he has lived a long happy life and will no longer be in pain. When I came across your story I had to respond because I know all to well the issues you have experianced. I wish and hope the best for you. Know that there are many others like you out there.
Thank you for sharing your story,
Feisty1 (I prefer to stay annonomous for obvious reasons)
Pfunk2005 (1 stories) (1 posts)
10 years ago (2011-10-23)
Thank you for sharing this with me, Anne. I appreciate your insight, it has been a lesson. The conflicting feelings are the dogma instilled in me by the church throughout my life and then the clairvoyant experiences which I have come to expect. I do fear them but only for the sole reason that they usually mean profound loss in some capacity. Do you really think that this could be a gift from God? How can I hone in on my experiences? Known so far to me are the pre-reactions, if you will. I have no idea what's about to happen, just that something will. I was expecting visions and dreams, not consuming emotions that I feel. What are your experiences like?
AnneV (4 stories) (1063 posts) mod
10 years ago (2011-10-19)
The bible is full of dreams, premonitions, apparitions, burning bushes and so on and yet Catholics don't believe in their own premonitions and sensitiveness. You know that life continues after death so why is it such a conflicting process for you to accept that you're more than your physical body and can perceive subtle information both asleep and while awake? I find it no stretch at all. What I find hard to fathom is how closed off religion has become and subsequently shuts down the human spiritual growth process outside of the usual hard doctrinal paradigms. I grew up Catholic as well but I had too many experiences just like you to keep buying into what they were telling me. You can only have so many of these things happen to you (for me it's in the thousands) to keep the mind shut down and stagnant. This is growth and it's good for us.

You're sensitive to these things because you are human. We all have extra sensory perceptions, just some more than others. You're a spirit living through a physical shell but "spirit" is not confined like the body. It can pick up transmissions from loved ones that have crossed over or even perceive the future which is in the ever present now. None of what you are experiencing is truly outside the teachings of God and love. These are gifts. Hopefully you can appreciate them and not be afraid of them.

Humans are given lessons as they need them. You obviously are being encouraged to look beyond what you think you know so soundly. I always love it when people who swear no paranormal activities exist, later experience the inexplicable and have to work through that lesson. Ghosts, apparitions, or whatever you want to call them exist, just like they do in the Bible. Voices can be heard, just like in the bible. We can see the future, just like in the bible.

Thanks for sharing.

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