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I Don't Feel Human

 

For as long as I can remember, I've never felt like a human. I've always had psychic abilities, but I'm not sure I feel I know how to use or control them. They flash up whenever they want and sometimes don't return for weeks. I have sensed the future in my dreams, felt others' thoughts, felt energies (I don't see auras, rather, feel them), and have had problems with a demon/spirit.

This spirit never fully communicates with me, I don't see it and it doesn't talk to me. I know it's there, though. It touches me and rocks me, in consoling, comforting way. It follows me, everywhere. I see quick, dark shadows sometimes, which lead me to believe its the demon/spirit. I tried to communicate with it once by writing down what I wanted to tell it, and in response I felt a tingling on my shoulder and someone pushing me down, inch by inch, as if they were leaning on me and applying more pressure every few seconds. Finally, I had sat straight up, and they left me alone. As far as I know, there's only one of them. It makes me feel special, though I know I am without it.

That's not what makes me feel inhuman, though. There are so many small things that if I were to list them all, I'd be sitting here typing all week, so I'll just explain some, for now.

I constantly feel like I've been born into the wrong time. I feel hundreds of years old, anywhere from 200 to 500 years old. Though I am 15 physical years old, I am often told I should be at least 100. I feel strangely connected to the Renaissance through the Victorian eras. I can remember odd places and people, which I believe (by the looks of clothes, architecture, etc) to be from these times. I remember walking through specific villages, hearing people speak old English, and knowing people there, who I've never met in person before. I understand this could be me having flashbacks of my ancestors, but it just seems different. Like I've lived for 400 years, fell asleep, and woke up in this time.

Now brings me to my most frustrating points. I feel smothered. All the time. My whole body seems to feel suffocated. I feel like I can't move, yet my limbs and muscles work fine. The easiest way I can put it is that it feels like there's something inside of me, the real me, that's trying to get out. Something always feels suppressed. Sort of like there's an extra limb, maybe? That sounds weird. I hope it doesn't come across wrong.

Sorry if I sound crazy, as I type I feel more nervous that nobody will understand, as nobody I know does. About two years ago I went to a doctor for anxiety and she insisted I was demonic. I definitely do not think I am, nor ever was, demonic.

This is what angers me. I feel so powerful. But I can't use this. Mainly because I don't know how, but even if I did, I don't think I could use it in this body. I know this sounds, weird, or even normal, but I know it's not. I've always felt otherworldly, from another realm. My entire life I've believed in other worlds, realms, planes, the afterlife. And whenever I've shared this with anyone, therapists, doctors, my mother, they just tell me not to worry about it. But it drives me crazy. I want to scream and fly. I know I can fly, I have. In my dreams or whenever I close my eyes, I'm flying.

I have huge wings, but I can never see them. In my visions when I fly, I know these monstrous wings are there but I can't see them.

I guess I've reached my breaking point, turning to the Internet for answers for this, but I finally need them. I can't wait any longer.

I feel unawakened.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, White-Gabrielle, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Amitra (2 posts)
 
11 years ago (2013-08-14)
I know exactly how you feel. If you want to talk about it email me at wolfygirl [at] icloud.com
Alkaria (2 posts)
 
11 years ago (2013-05-06)
I feel so many of the same things as you, except for the born in a different time period thing. I feel like I was born in an entirely different world. It feels so strange, I felt like I never belong in this world. So many strange things happen to me, and so many people are drawn to me. I am able to feel things that most people can't feel, and I know what people think of me immediently. I am 19 years old and I've felt thing my entire life. I hope that we can get into contact and talk more!
XNicholex3 (guest)
 
11 years ago (2012-12-19)
You are very human. I believe you have had a past life (s) in the 1500's-1800's.
I, myself, am from the mid 1500's. I was an English Duchess during the Renaissance. 😊
Visrite (1 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-11-03)
I encourage you to do a search with the term "Otherkin" and find you answers. Follow your heart, and always seek the truth.
CryptidGoddess (4 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-07-05)
Email me. I may be able to help.
Mikasaionji [at] yahoo.com
Please and thank you
Christiep221 (2 stories) (18 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-05-31)
I'm sorry that you feel so uncomfortable in your skin. It's a horrible place to be. But instead of obsessing on shoulda coulda woulda... Remember there is a reason and a theme why we are here right now... This time. Trust me too often I just want to curl up in a blanket in my bed and not go back out. I don't have that choice. And you don't either. You are in this moment right now... For a reason. Like it or not. So just try and make the best of it. Don't waste it. Whether you want this gift of this life or not you got it... So do the best you can to figure out what makes you happy and roll with it. Xxoo!
Wesker (1 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-04-12)
I would like to talk to you, if you don't mind.
My e-mail is matjuh89 at hotmail.com, I also have MSN.
jdrkdr (10 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-04-02)
if you want someone to talk to, i'd like to talk with you through email:)

Reulej16 [at] gmail.com
Raiga544 (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-04-02)
I don't really know how to explain this, but I know how you feel, like I really know. The feeling that you don't belong in this time and that you aren't human. I don't really know what I am anymore, there's some power or something inside of me that scares me and I don't know how to release it or conrol it. If you figure anything else out, mind emailing me? Raiga544 [at] yahoo.com
lucifer123 (4 posts)
-3
12 years ago (2012-04-02)
Believe it or not satan has put blindfolds on many here. Pray to jesus he is the only way out the only truth to. People satan has control over the spirit realm and wicca satanism witchcraft you name it he has it and controls it. Get right with jesus he will and can give you true power of the holy spirit...
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-04-01)
Hi White-Gabrielle, so much has already been said here, that I feel most of your concerns have been addressed. I can tell you that older souls have usually experienced other exsistences... Maybe some where else than here. I have seen some amazing places 'not from around here'. There is no limit to where the companions of the devine go, often with our holy parent... As old as we are it is nothing compared to the learning, and joy, still ahead of us. If the one in your company is distressing, send it away.If,by curiosity you have a fondness towards it speak to it and become acquainted. Try to understand,also,it is hard to understand being human until you become one. It is the point of most of us to know, trully being human, and therefore, how to help. Maybe looking at this as a learning experience to gain devine understanding, whomever you are, will help you find patience as you become. Enlightenment of all, is the reason we are here... Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
NaturalScience (229 posts)
+2
12 years ago (2012-04-01)
Read my story on Spiritual-Experiences.com about "past Life Scenes and Their Meaning To me".

I feel a bit similar to you; it feels not as horrible in my life as in yours, but it was hard enough, I can tell you!

When I was a kid I kept depicting hermits, over and over. Hermits in caves. I was very, very fond of Robinson Crusoe, and of stories about religious hermits. Decades later I had a lucid dream about a place in the Swiss Alps where some hermit named Conrad had lived in the 1300s... The scene looked very real, which makes me think one could find the place in the real world if one took the effort to seek it.

I, too, was told several times during youth that I were out of time, or "acting like your own grandma, not like a young one"; and my hands never looked like kid's hands, but they were finely wrinkled on their backs, as old people's hands are.

I got a photo of me from the time when I was five years old. My face did not look childly at all, but earnest and thoughtful, and I had deep black rings under eyes, as if from grief or over-study; I had leaves of some tree in my hands.
I know why. I had started studying Herb-Lore at once after learning to read - I mean, from a time before my 4th birthday (this is no exaggeration and no false memory, I got several witnesses for it!) until my fourteenth year I kept reading the books of Reverend Kneipp, the best-known German herbalist, learned his directions by heart, and exercised in finding and collecting herbs -, and the photo was made while I was collecting such plant specimens.
Decades later I had a lucid dream of having been a Wise Woman, a Herbalist mistaken as a "witch", in a Past Life several centuries ago. See the story named above.

Moreover, I could read antique German handwriting ("Sütterlin writing") when I was three years old, without ever having been taught the ancient letters; I had been taught the normally printed Roman alphabet when I was a very small kid (teaching toddlers to read was in fashion in the 1960s in Germany) but this does not explain how I could read that ancient Sütterlin!

To sum up I too am an Old Soul. And the reason why you feel as if you were not human ist only the simple fact that the vast majority of humans in your surroundings probably lack the depth that you have. It is a consequence of your inner loneliness.

I was afflicted with a similar negative thought: the delusion of being "abnormal".
I had it for decades and it was a real burden, for whenever my behavior was criticized I feared to be sent into a mental asylum!
During the last years, finally, I found out that it WAS a delusion and how I came to have it.
In fact I never was abnormal but when very young I was constantly misinterpreted and driven into over-reactions, mainly by my mother, who now, from old age, is becoming mentally ill herself; I saw her some days ago, and there I recognized in her case every detail of "abnormal behavior" which I had meself when a kid!
To say it in other words, I managed to set meself free of this self-doubt by long-term observation of my life and of the world, which created deep insight.

You too will have to do so, to observe in order to develop insight, and how this goes en détail, only you yourself will know... Generally, don't let yourself be fooled by "what everybody does" / "what is usual", but do follow your intuition!

A consequence of this insight was to accept being alone inside, even when lying in bed with my guy...
For such ones as me and you loneliness probably is a normal state. Old souls do have trouble to find soulmates.

To mend the pain caused by your being too unique to have many friends, I recommend:

Meditate on the image of Shiva sitting in the Himalaya as a Hermit, or on that of Buddah sitting alone out in the green. Remember you are a cell in the Body of Mother Earth, and thus never really alone; remember also you can communicate not only with humans - animals and "sacred places" are ensouled too.

And most important, be ready to help whenever someone has a problem which you can help to solve - even if it is something as banal as shoveling snow in front of some old Granny's house who can shovel herself anymore, or as saving a ladybug from a pool of water in which it has been drowning... The opposite of loneliness, to my account, is not to have much company to chat and play with, but to be USEFUL / HELPFUL to many living beings no matter if they want to know your thoughts or not.

Old souls normally have an important task in their current incarnations. God will show it to you for sure. Thus do take yourself for serious, and dare to look out far to the horizon.

May every step of this Earthly pilgrimage of yours be blessed.
Nahlire (1 stories) (38 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-03-31)
I read the story and some comments and I totally agree on some points. Like, you're an old soul. You're powerful because you are that.
You seem (soul like) older than my sister, she has told me (and I can see it) that she is an old soul too.

I see however that it says "author is a teenager" so I do believe that your body is not ready.
Especially since (to me it sounds like it) that you're not ready yet either because you're so anxious. I think you need to find a balance, a calm.
It's such a cliché comment, but try meditation or breathing exercises.
It's only my opinion/thoughts but you seem to have some kind of restless leg? 😉
So frustration is building up and that's really not fun.

Also, have you thought about incarnated angels or earth angels? I remember helping a friend since he felt different. So I checked up a site about indigo, crystal children etc that had loads of different types and there he found something about a type of angel. It gave him a lot of clarity and insight about himself. I can't remember the website, it was over a year ago or something.

Take care

Sincerely
Nahlire

~Be different, be You~
quixoticqt (2 stories) (53 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-03-31)
well... I wouldn't know if I was an old soul or not. I know I have a very compassionate soul definatly. I have to say I'm content with my body but I can't wait for the end of it. I know I'm strong and different on the inside.
*laugh* When you typed about knowing old english I had to smile. None of my family likes the old english things. I watched ananymous and understood everthing about it and it intregued me. As for my family they couldn't care less for it; they actually got bored of it. I think it has to do something about their style. Men wearing high heals *smile*.
❤ qt
Sfairy27 (3 stories) (41 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-03-30)
I so know the feeling. I have always felt oddly connected to specific part in history and I remember people. I have to be careful though. It would be very bad if I started talking about how lovely Pythagaros was in the middle of doing a maths question. With the smothering I have the same feeling when I use certain part of my abilities like my brain waves and temperature manipulation. Things like that make me feel like a type of abnormality. I free myself from being 'normal' because of a certain conclusion I made in a debate with a certain person who lived millennia ago. Wings symbolise freedom and when dreaming you are free in yourself. This may sound extremely strange coming from a 13 year old.

Then again I am a very strange person and my conclusion in this is that in order to free yourself from getting smothered you need to free your abilities by meditation, dreamtime and whatever else may help. This also means control which can be obtained by pure strength and concentration. Trust me when I say that I know how you feel in this as when I first decided to use my abilities instead of hate them I had to sit in a room and concentrate on the feeling of flying. Then I used that image and used my abilities and ever since I have had complete control. Not one waver in the line of balance.

Sfairy27. To hope and freedom. 😊
White-Gabrielle (3 stories) (8 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-03-30)
Thank you everyone for your comments and help.

Awakening_in_Crimson- I would really like to speak with you, you seem to know a lot about these... Wings. Before reading you comment today, I had this strange pain in my back, between my shoulder blades, slightly to the right (which seems a bit weird to me) like something is, in fact, portruding from my skin. It's quite heavy and awful, but wonderful and amazing at the same time.

Psychic_randy- That was loads of help, thank you. I've noticed that many people are feeling the same, and I can't agree more that it's an "old soul" thing... I wonder why now. Thank you, also, for the encouraging words.

AnneV- You seem to really know a lot about this stuff, it explains a lot, and I am really grateful. I'll have to look for that book by Barbara Brennon. It sounds very interesting. Thank you so much.

Awakening_In_Crimson (guest)
 
12 years ago (2012-03-30)
I know what you mean. Do you ever get pain in the back of your shoulders, like something is painfully sticking out? When I was 11 these pains were the worst, and common among people my age psychic or not. I figured out it's probably because of the literal wings I have, and I can feel them too, they help me run faster and jump higher since I've became aware of them and used them in my lucid dreams.
I know how the suffocation feels. Like AnnaV said, after astral projecting it feels the worst.
You have connections with the Victorian eras too? I mean, the olde times... The time of magyk... People have always told me I was centuries older than my age. But I've never connected it the way you did.
...For one second in my life, I've never felt human. And I curse myself for wasting all my time asleep and just being awakened now.
E-mail me if you need it. Hope me ranting along with you doesn't make you feel alone anymore.
psychic_randy (19 posts)
 
12 years ago (2012-03-30)
The reason that you feel like your hundreds of years old is probably that you're an old soul. A soul that was created long ago. The reason you can feel it is because you are so powerful. That power has been building since you're soul was first created. You feel like you have power that you don't know how use. Try willing things to happen. If you try to use your power now and learn to control it you'll be prepared for when they really come in. Trust me that will help a lot. When they come in fully they will be tied to your emotions and if you feel a really strong emotion they will act on that. I don't know why but it seems as though a lot of old souls have been waking up recently. As for the being that you can feel but can't see don't know what to tell you. I don't think that it's bad though. Try asking it to help you. And the doctor that insisted that you were demonic, you're not. You are probably just really powerful. I hope you can get through this feeling of being confined. I hope you succeed.
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
 
12 years ago (2012-03-30)
It would not be uncommon for a person who has spent much time in the astral and just reincarnated after a long time to feel smothered by this body. It is smothering! Try being an astral projector who has to come back to this shell and know how utterly dense it is.

We can all fly in other realms and yes, this world isn't allowing that, in part because we live in a fear based limited society. I think humans are capable of anything but we are raised to do the opposite; be hugely limited and think we're lowly sinners who dont' deserve to think we're a microcosm of god.

To me you don't sound crazy, only dealing with going from an incredibly free astral state to this dense body in this dense world. I feel for you as I go through that too. I don't think it ever gets easy.

I was reading a very good healing book by Barbara Brennon (Hands of healing light) and one of her clients had a baby who wouldn't stop crying. Turns out that baby did not want to be in this body but free back in the astral. Sound familiar?

My personal hope is that this whole talk of dimensional shift bridges the gap between this dimension and the next. This is a wait and see thing.

We are interdimensional beings having a human life. But this too shall pass.

Anne

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