I need some help in what I have been experiencing. A little background on me first. I am 36 years old and have no medical conditions that affect my mental well-being. I noticed at a young age that I could predict little things that seemed pretty innocent such as an unexpected phone call from someone that didn't normally call or some sort of mail that came but wasn't expected. I would think about the person or the mail anywhere from 2 minutes to a few hours before hand. At that point I started realizing that I would know who was going to call me before the phone even rang, As I have gotten older, I have noticed that I am extremely intuitive and can read (for lack of a better word) people's thoughts and feelings without them saying a word. This occurs with both strangers and family/friends. I have never had premonitions of things such as lottery tickets or earthquakes per say but I have had numerous premonitions about all sorts of things that came to fruition later. For instance, when I was in my young 20's I remember specifically having a dream one night about a MD-11 airplane that crashed over the Atlantic ocean and the cause was a fire in the cockpit. Now everyone knows that airplane crashes usually aren't determined until a few months to years after the actual accident itself. I felt so strongly and scared about this dream/premonition that I told my husband at the time about it the very next morning and gave him the details that included it being aircraft specific, the cause being from fire, the location of the crash and that everyone died. I just felt this overwhelmingly strong urge to tell someone because I knew it was going to happen. (It was almost like I needed to justify my own abilities I guess.) I was scared when I saw on tv 2 days later that Swiss Air MD-11 crashed in the Atlantic killing everyone onboard. At this point, I started thinking that I really did have some sort of ability although I wasn't sure what it was or how to deal with it etc.
Fast forwarding a bit, when I was 30 years old I went through a nasty divorce and met my future husband. I instantly knew I was going to marry him the first day I met him despite the fact that I never wanted to be married again and had no interest in being with someone at the time. A few months later, I kept having this urge to talk with him about his deceased mother. It was overwhelming and the feelings wouldn't quit until one night, I had a few drinks and was very relaxed and we got into a deep conversation. It was then that I felt his mother was trying to communicate with him and wanted me to convey him a message from her. I thought to myself this was so crazy and very disrespectful but the urge was so overpowering that I broke down crying and told him that his mother was there with us and wanted him to know a few things. She had died long before I met him. She had a heart attack at 52 and died unexpectedly so he never got to say goodbye to her. She wanted me to give him closure on her death and to tell him specifically that "he would always be her baby". (he was the last born of 4 kids) He immediately broke down crying and said "I know that my mom is communicating with you because she always would say that to me and you would have no way of knowing that". So after a long night of crying and breaking down, I felt this incredible peace. In some of these messages that I supposedly communicated, I kept getting something about a rosebush. I mentioned that to him and asked him what the significance of the rose bush was. He said he didn't know of anything so I dismissed it. After that night I felt like everything was okay. I don't know how to explain this feeling but I just knew in my heart that this is why we were brought together. I feel like his mom reached out to me as weird as that sounds. Years later when I went home with him to meet his family, beside the front porch was a beautiful rosebush. I asked him about it and he said that was his mom's favorite rosebush. Now I connected the earlier reference that he didn't but I didn't say anything to him.
And this brings me to my question and what I need help with. A few months after the 9/11 world trade center, I had a very vivid dream in where I was living and experiencing what a passenger went through on one of the planes that crashed. I don't know who the passenger was but I know in my dream I was sitting near the wing looking out the window. I felt panicked but yet I knew what was going to happen. I lived this moment out in my own body as it was that victims. I remember specifically hearing screams and feeling terror as the plane circled around to hit the WTC. For some reason I know it was the second plane however I can't tell you how I know this. It's just a feeling. I have had this dream a few times very sporadically since and now I keep getting these overwhelming urges to figure out who this person was and it is like I am obsessed with re-living the 9/11 attack in hopes that I can figure out what message is being conveyed to me. I know this all sounds crazy and in some ways I am even afraid its disrespectful to the families of the deceased but I know there has to be some meaning to this. Over the last few years this "drive" has gotten more intense almost to the point its consuming me. I don't have the dream enough to figure out who I am "possibly" experiencing or even why. Please realize that this dream is so intense and vivid that I know in my heart I am having an experience. This isn't just a bad dream. My questions are why do I have this overwhelming drive? Is it because someone is trying to communicate through me? Also, I have no idea how to develop these supposed communications or where to even go from here but I am being driven NUTS to figure it out. Can anyone help me? I have never tried to talk to the dead nor have I ever had such vivid images from deceased relatives close to me so I don't understand. I am also very worried that if I tried to develop this that unwelcome spirits could come thru. I am very religious so this is conflicting with what I believe in but the drive is so intense that I must find answers. I can't rest or put this behind me until I find out why.