I was just wondering what everyone's opinion is on this (I am 21 by the way). I have tried to do some research but I cannot seem to come up with anything that is like what I am describing (although it may just be because there are actual terms for this that I can't seem to figure it out) please bare with me - my thoughts are probably a bit jumbled and I'd like to get as much in as I can without making this all too long. I just want to know what is going on- am I just going crazy?
I've noticed from a fairly young age that my dreams were odd (they have always been vivid and things that happen in them tend to happen in my daily life), I also experienced a lot of déjà vu as a child as well- things that I dreamed of happening and either I knew that's where I saw them or something happens and I know that I knew it but don't know where it came from. It isn't something that happens on a daily basis but it does happen fairly consistently.
Now, I've never heard voices or seen ghosts or spirits or anything but I do feel like I am being watched. Not in a creepy way and it doesn't bother me, sometimes I feel it more than other days but I am aware of a presence (I guess would be the right term for it- and I actually think it's more than one). The first time I remember noticing it was after my great grandmother died (I was 10). I woke up the night she died in the middle of the night for no reason, when I woke up and was told that she passed away I told my mom that I had woken up that night suddenly and she told me it was just my great grandma saying good bye to me. Shortly after that I started feeling like I was being watched and it scared me at first- the first time I remember noticing it I was walking home from school and no one was around.
The closest thing I've had to an actual encounter with something would have to be a few years ago. I was home alone and felt something with me again, after a few moments music started playing from this old wind up metal toy car that is at my grandmother's house (I was living with her at the time and no one ever touches this thing- I had never even heard it play before that). It stopped after a good 30 seconds or so and it never happened again.
I've been to a couple psychic expos in my city over the past 6 years or so and it has been an extremely weird experience every time. (Now this is the part I have trouble really describing and that I am really interested in finding out more about) as soon as I walk in to the building my body feels shaky- not just physically shaky but inside me as well- it feels like almost a nervous energy but I'm not actually nervous it's just how I can describe it. The first time I went to one with my mom we walked around for a while and checked everything out then decided to go out and get a snack and use the rest room. We walked to the snack booth - about half way there I felt the need to turn around and go back- everything in me wanted me back in the room with everyone else, so I stopped and told my mom that I feel like I need to go back, I told her how I was feeling and showed her that my hands were physically shaking. So, we hurried up and found ourselves back in there. The only other time I have experienced this besides for at the expos was at my boyfriends mom's house. She was really in to the occult at this time and practiced demonolatry and whatnot- I got that feeling every time I walked into her house, I also have had experiences in there- Like, feeling something again while I was in the shower (and only two of them were home and in the kitchen) I felt something and then a knock on the door. I went down stairs and asked them if they heard anything or if they came up but they hadn't. So, I told them and they brushed it off because stuff like that happens to her all the time. I've had a couple of other experiences in her house with her like the ouija board that kept going off the board to point to me- she wanted to see if it would work with her because any other time I'd been in the room with other people or tried to use it myself they never worked. I always felt like it was something in me or something wrong with me so she decided to try it because she used it often- it took a long while but it started working then all it wanted to do was go off the board and point to me. Eventually it answered some questions then I just didn't want to use it anymore. Before she told me that she had changed faiths I knew that she had without being told (like I said she use to practice a left hand path religion). The first time I stepped in to her house after her change, I didn't get the same feeling I had before- the energy or whatever it is that I feel was gone.
Back to the expos- Every time I have tried to get a reading- they can't read me at first. I'll sit down and right away I am told that they cannot read me because I am not "grounded", after a few tries they seem to be able to do it and they've been pretty spot on with a lot of things but I have never understood what that really means.
Also I have had some interesting experiences with tarot cards- the first time I saw them in person was in highschool- a girl brought them to school and she showed us them at lunch. She played with them for a while then she put them down and they all knocked over. She spilled her soda and was very upset because she had just got them- I got a feeling and told her to turn over the only one that the soda had actually spilled on- it said 'destruction'. Years later I bought my own set and I am able to read my tarot cards- I picked them up one day at an occult store because I'd always been interested in trying them out for myself. When I got them I started to read the people around me that were willing-everything happened, all of it. Every question they asked and all the information I just gave up- it all came true. It actually really freaked me out for a while.
I tend to know things about people that I shouldn't, that come from no where. I took social work in college and I think this is a reason I do very well in it.
During a phone conversation one night I was talking to my mom about my dreams and she was telling me about some of hers. She said, " I think you and I are special, but you- you're especially special" she was serious and I think she meant it in an ability sort of way. She's never seemed surprised by my odd things like when I was shaky at the expo or anything like that. In fact she sent some of my drawings (I am now an artist but I was younger at this time) to a friend of hers who had some sort of hunch about me. Anyway, this friend showed my drawing to her friend who is a psychic and she told her that she thinks I am " certainly picking up on something".
Anyway, I'm just not sure what to make of it all and I'm not sure how well I explained it. These just don't seem like normal things and I don't know what is going on. I almost didn't even make this post because I wasn't sure how I would come across but I think I really do need some opinions from people who know what they are talking about. It's not like you can go to a doctor for something like this or anything.
Any insights are greatly appreciated.