Is This A Gift Or Just Anxiety?

First, I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this I am looking for any help. In '08 my father died of cancer I witnessed this in my home, witness to my grandma dying months later as well. Soon after long story short I had two near death experiences, I for sure saw a bright white light strong presence in the hospital so peaceful. I'm sorry had to mention in case it ties in I have no clue? I've been having strong anxiety for a few years. Social anxiety it seems I can't be in a group of people without feeling drained or I want to run out of the room. Shopping malls are the worst I pick up energy and something gross in my mouth like runners mouth? I feel dirty or sad/depressed. I pick up emotion everywhere and people sense it from me I feel like. I hear voices in my head but it sounds like my own but some are for sure not any of my own thoughts. But big reason why I am here I visited the cemetery where my dad is buried had my rosary beads with me crying said some prayers the sun all of the sudden beamed down on me I took a picture thought oh how pretty? I left the next day only to look at the picture and see a bright white circle of light at eye level a spirit orb when I looked it up. I was thinking how amazing but i'm living with this uncertainty of my anxieties and can't shake these voices. Family knows I have anxiety was diagnosed almost 2 years ago put on medication it doesn't help. If I have a gift and i'm not seeing it I want to know so I can have peace and be of service to others.