I have been sensitive all my life. I grew up with and still suffer from anxiety, spontaneous negative thoughts, etc. I've had premonition dreams specifically connected with the passing of loved ones or other's loved ones. There have always been whispers of Italian gypsy's and healers in my family, all the females, and it seems to be one of each generation. My mother is also a sensitive and we have been able to read numbers from each other in the past.
My experiences start when I was a preteen. I don't remember much from my childhood, but the day is so clear and has been since. Somehow my mother heard about Medway, in MA. It was supposed to have been a place of miracles, recently. Like rose petals appearing, smell of roses, crosses appearing in trees. It was a vacant lot. We walked through the trees and into a small clearing. The sun wasn't huge in the sky, with clouds. When I looked up, I saw it pulse and spin. After that happened, I remember much more of my life.
I now have a 16 month old daughter who is my new reason to live, and who I feel is my soul mate. She has recently been plagued by what seems to be night terrors, which I also suffered from as a small child.
One recent night, my husband was trying to soothe her and he insisted I leave the room, thinking it was separation anxiety and she needed to work through it with him. Something felt different about this time. I went into my room and faced where my daughter would be through the wall. Without thinking, I said "Leave her alone" and I suddenly felt this arc of light cast out from me, pointing towards my daughter. As soon as this happened, my daughter went from screaming to silence. Like the snap of the fingers.
I felt that, for the first time in my life, I took the reigns of whatever my power is. In talking to my mother afterwards, and her confirming I wasn't crazy, she told me I should smudge the house. Since them I've smudged the house with sage, and also used and placed some religious relics in the nursery, which my mother gave me.
Also recently, while being very sick, I was thinking very negatively, so much that my husband noticed and told me I wasn't acting normal. It might have been anxiety built up because of not being able to keep the house clean and take care of the baby, but I also felt like "it wasn't me". After having some tea and focusing on my white energy, I suddenly felt lighter and better. It was then that I was urged to pick up a pen. In my kitchen, in a notebook I usually use for doing my budget, I wrote,
"Slow down, do it right,
Everything will be alright"
I knew it wasn't my thought. I asked whose it was, and the following popped into my head:
You have been asking for your spirit guide
I would have been your older brother
I am who my spirit was before I was assigned to that role
You exist because I wasn't born
I had died in a motorcycle accident in the life prior
I like poetry"
I quickly thought of how I had recently smudged and I received this:
"The house was cloudy
The Sage has cleared it
It's not magical
It just works that way because it was done with pure intent
Now it's safe for you to look past the veil"
I had vaguely remembered my mother telling me she lost a baby before me, but to confirm I called her and she confirmed that she had a blood test showing she was pregnant but then miscarried very early on.
I've recently noticed that ingesting certain things makes me feel more open to my abilities, but I rather learn how to meditate. It's so hard because I work full time and have a baby. My job is in engineering. It's all about rules and process and a set structure. I'm afraid to just jump into whatever "this" is that is happening to me without some education and instruction, so I'm hoping to receive some insight here.