I've only recently come to terms with my abilities as a sensitive, but I still sometimes have trouble with coping with some of these abilities, especially since I am only 16. I've had my abilities ever since I can remember, and it has been both a blessing and a curse. Since my recent coming to terms of my abilities, I've recently began discovering new ones or improving the ones I already knew I had, but I was too nervous and scared to use them. My experiences sometimes are simple, such as meeting a lost soul. But they have also been quite scary, as I have met two spirits who seem malicious in intent or nature. I've also channeled a spirit guide once, and the occurrence left me shaken for days.
The first occurrence of meeting a spirit was when I was about 5. My parents had just divorced around that time, and my mother and our family had just moved into a three bedroom trailer. My mother never seemed to notice there was a strange presence in the house, I noticed it, but thought nothing of it. It didn't seem harmful, at the time anyway.
It wasn't until almost a year after moving, did one of my brothers start complaining about not being able to sleep in his room. My mother at first, thought nothing of it. But as the days past, my brother kept complaining about not being able to sleep. So my mom decided to see what was wrong, and slept in the room that night.
During that night, I walked past the doorway to my brothers room, where my mother was sleeping. My mother was tossing and turning in her sleep, muttering. I couldn't make out what she said, and at first, I thought she was just having a bad dream. But she continued to toss and turn, muttering away. I was only about 6 at the time, so not knowing what was going on, I let her be. Even though something told me there was something wrong. The next morning my mom told the whole family about her dream, and the man that was in it. "The Man" as she refereed to him, was a white man, bald, who wore a black hooded jacket. He had been in my brother's room, over my mom as she lay in the bed, choking her to death. My mom, after that night, swore to never sleep in that room ever again. That is how lucid that "dream" was.
My oldest brother, thinking there was more to the man than him being a part of a dream, decided to also sleep in the room. He too, experienced the man in his dream. And this time, it was at his work. The man chased my brother through his work, with a knife in his hand. My brother was caught, and stabbed multiple times, before finally waking up. This figure seemed to like haunting the dreams of my family, like Freddie Kruger.
After that, the figure never entered their dreams again. But he watched in my brothers room. I could feel his eyes watching me. I could even tell where he stood. He stood in a space between the wall and my brothers dresser where he would stare at you if you stood just outside the door. The Man soon got braver, and started venturing into the hallway and kitchen, where he just stood and watched. I once got the courage to put my arm in the room, and I watched the hairs on my arm stand up on end and I immediately took my leave.
I would notice him each day, and it eventually scared me to the point where I would run to get to my room. I never liked standing near my brothers bedroom or in the hallway. And eventually, sensing this man was no longer a burden, since we moved when I was about 11.
When we moved, I felt relieved. I would no longer feel the lingering eyes of "The Man" again. But it wasn't until I was 12 when I realize who this man was and how he came to be. I realized we lived only blocks from a Jail and Rehab center, and so I assessed later that "The Man" may have been a convict, and quite possibly a murderer. He may have become attached to the trailer, and may have also lived there at some point. I never learned his name or anything about him, because he frightened me that much. Most of the time, I tried to avoid him. So when we moved, I felt happy that I would no longer have to avoid any part of our new home.
Our new home had just been built, so I felt quite certain that nothing was going to be there. I was wrong. But this time, the spirits that visited weren't bad, they seemed to be searching for someone to help them, But eventually left in due time. It was because I was still young, and I myself didn't know how to communicate with spirits. But 8 months ago, something entered my room, without my permission. That night, I was finding it hard to sleep. I was just lying in bed, when all the sudden, an immense pressure filled my room. This pressure was very different from the others I had felt before, it was heavy, and somewhat suffocating. I decided to close my eyes, using a "third eye" ability. I could make out the form of the spirit, and its aura. It was about 5,10" to 6 ft. Tall, and its aura was black, and it stood at the entrance of my room, with its head turned in my direction. The moment I sensed its black aura, I grabbed the cross on my window sill, and yelled at it, screaming "GET OUT! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN HERE! GET OUT OF MY ROOM, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! IN THE NAME OF GOD GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
I realized that the pressure had left, and I scoured my entire house, making sure it left. It did, and hasn't returned. I don't think it was a demon, but its aura told me it had bad intentions or was bad in nature, so I naturally, told it to leave. I've blessed my room as to make sure nothing bad enters again. But it still leaves me shaking when I think about it from time to time.
But that's not the only thing that has left me shaking. It was when Jessica Ridgeway had disappeared, and I had overheard on the radio about the police finding her backpack. I am a maternal person, so I felt worried for the girl.
This was the first time I ever used "Clairvoyance". I decided I wanted to know if Jessica was alright, but what I learned that day still makes me cry.
I had just opened up to my abilities, and I was experimenting to see what ones I may have. I cleared my mind and cleared the other energies around me, and started just started asking questions, such as "is she still in Colorado?" and amazingly, after a few moments of waiting, I got an answer; "Yes". I began asking more questions.
"Is she okay?" "No"
"Where is she? Is she near...?" (I began naming off city after city in Colorado.)
I finally came to Arvada. "Yes"
I decided to ask a difficult question. "Is she alive?"
Tears began to welt up in my eyes... I knew the answer... And I didn't like it. "Yes"
I didn't like the answer I received. No one likes hearing about someone dying. I didn't want to ask more. It scared me. But my curiosity got the best of me. I asked about how she died; Strangled, stabbed, shot, you name it. I asked it, only getting "no". I then asked if she was dismembered and it haunts me to feel what I did. "Yes". I stopped asking questions after that. It scared me so much I shook for days. Hoping what I felt wasn't true. Almost a week or two later, a news report appeared. They had found a dismembered arm in a park in Arvada, and it was later verified as Jessica's. I am still scared of that experience, and I've stopped using clairvoyance. Until I can heal mentally and emotionally from it. I still shake thinking about that experience. I never brought it to police or told my own family, because it was the first time I used clairvoyance. So I wasn't sure it was true or not. But when I heard the news. I knew it was true. This is how I learned about "spirit guides".
All these events still haunt me, and I've wished I could vent all this, but people at my school would probably just laugh or reject me. So I am hoping maybe someone on here can understand where I'm coming from and maybe help me cope or understand what I am experiencing.