I have recently came across this website and the term indigo. I am not sure if I am or not an indigo, as first I don't like the label and second I am not sure if I want to be special, but I must say that the characteristics to fit me to perfection.
I have always felt different than all of my friends and I have had a very diverse range of friends. I never quite fitted in any of the groups I have spent my time with at one point or another in life.
Since I was very small I have had the craziest apocalyptic dreams and struggled with sleep paralysis. I remember all those dreams because they felt insanely real. I can't even tell you the amount of weird occurrences within or related to these dreams, because there are just too many of them. I will only share one of those experiences. It was a Sunday morning and I was dreaming that I was going to church. It was dark outside. On my way to church I saw this beggar and talked to him for one moment. Then the dream changed action and there was a war going on. The battle field was close to the church and I was there. I saw the beggar again and he was dressed as a catholic priest (I am an orthodox). I asked him why was he dressed like that and he told me that before being a beggar, he was a priest. He was a young man, with dark hair, average height and weight. I woke up because I heard the doorbell. My parents were at church and it was just me and my brother home. My brother opened the door not knowing the man behind the door. I was standing next to him. On the other side of the door there was the man I just had a dream about. I froze and ran away from the door. I had never seen that man before in my life and that was a time when I knew almost all the beggars in town. I had never seen him before. I didn't hear what he said and my brother said that he asked for some food. I was scared, just because of the whole situation and not scared of that young man, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to him so I looked for some food (remember that I gave him only the best of food and quite a lot) and also looked for money and asked my brother to give it to him. I never saw that man again and to this day I regret not talking to him and letting fear paralyses me. This is merely one of my weird experiences in this area.
I have always loved to the point of self sacrifice and have always been told that I am TOO sensitive (only the people closest to me saw that, as everyone else sees me a mountain of ice). I have been told that my love is too much for some too handle and that always made me very sad.
I am highly empathic and this has brought me a lot of joy and distress at the same time. The joy came from the people who were depressed and had self esteem issues, people who drastically changed after I showed them the good in them. I did this naturally and unknowingly especially as a teenager. Somehow it seems that I know exactly what to say to everyone and I am a very good judge of character and it doesn't take me long to figure people out. I won't lie and say that I didn't discover how easy it comes to me to manipulate people, but my nature never let me manipulate them in order to hurt them in any way, but I did know how to make use of people around me to help me when I was down and helpless. Due to my empathy and sensitivity I always felt like I am carrying the burden of the whole world and many times I am angry with the way the humanity carries itself, an anger that I have not seen in other people. It makes me soo sad to know that right now in this world there are some people spending money for guns and wars, excusing themselves and saying they are helping, instead of actually helping so many people that are dyeing of hunger in this instant. To me the world as a whole is a disgusting place, but I do believe that there are many who deserve praise and most of the time, those are the simple people. I know that probably many say the same thing, but the difference is that I FEEL everything I have said, right to the point of deep sadness.
There have been many people that hurt me (well to be honest, due to my sensitivity I am easily hurt anyway), some hurt me less while others worse. I have forgiven them all and never held a grudge, because to me they are all people. It is a weird ambivalent feeling that is usually trying me: while I love people and believe they all deserve the best and can make mistakes, I hate them for not being able to see what is right and what is wrong.
I am sorry for the length of this so I will go to the actual reason for me writing this. Aside from all the weird feelings and experiences I had during this lifetime, I have also had some sort of visions (I don't really like calling them visions, but I can't find a better word right now). They are definitely not deja-vu's, they are just some sort of glimpses that hit me, short, most of the time very short and of something that seems very ordinary. At this point all of them, proved to be related to me. They used to be very short, but now I have some bigger images, just images (they do include feelings related to them), nothing more, but longer and the image is more stable if that makes sense as opposed to before when they were like a fraction of a second and I could only remember a single thing of them, either a feeling, or a colour or an object. I won't talk about those images, because I believe they are irrelevant. Sometimes I try to convince myself that is only my imagination and I am imagining to see things, but while they are similar to a daydream, they are extremely different and it's not like someone shows me an image, it is like the images are trapped somewhere in my head, they are blurry somehow, it is like they are in my soul somehow. I am sorry but I can't find a better way to explain or describe this. Are these real or have I gone completely delusional? Some of the short ones have happened, some exactly and some slightly different. For example once I had to talk to someone over skype, but my audio wasn't working and then I saw myself in the same situation talking to that person on skype and also looking for a cd in my room. I wrote to that person not to worry cause it will only be a matter of minutes until I will fix my audio and that happened, but unlike what I saw I didn't need that CD to fix it. I know this is something very common, but this was on the top of my head right now and it was like I was looking at myself from somewhere and I was seeing myself talking to that person on skype and looking for that CD, just somehow I didn't need it then. This was one of the unimportant occurrences and the image of what I saw was longer. There are some others as well, but now they are somehow different and feel somewhere in a more distant future, even though believe me it seems sooo weird to actually write this. I can't say for sure, yes they are visions, but I can say for sure they are not deja-vu's (as I've had plenty of them too). Am I delusional or am I going crazy? If yes please do let me know, as I would at least know where I stand, if not then I would love some guidance. I am not even sure of what sort of guidance, since I don't know if I want to see the future, it scares me, but also excites me. Once again I am sorry for this long piece of writing, but I would honestly appreciate your help.