Psychic Dreams Of Baby Girl Or Wishful Thinking?

Melissa74,
I understand a lot of what you're feeling, although I'm a bit younger (mid-late twenties) and my husband is early thirties. For him, adoption is okay but me (us) getting pregnant is not although I am not 100% sure why he feels that way. Since we are not on a biological clock, so to speak (as I'm also okay with adoption), I decided to go back to school to become a doctor because it's what I really want to do. Since I always expected to have children, I just recently started exploring the idea that I may never have children. That leaves the question: What would I do with all the extra time then? Still figuring that out and trying not to feel guilty and/or depressed for not having children.

There is a book called, "Rocking the Life Unexpected: 12 weeks to Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Life without Children" by Jody Day that I just started reading today. I don't normally gravitate towards self-help books with a number in the title (although I do read self-help books from time to time), but this one is fairly decent. It is written by the woman who started the "Gateway Woman" website based on her own psychological issues with not having children. I don't think I'd pay the paperback retail price of 19. 99 for it, though.

Early this morning I think I was sleeping it felt like I woke up because it looked dark but I had the Christmas lights on but It still looked dark could I be astral projecting or lucid dream?

AnneV - I DEFINITELY think I manifested this because for many years I have been avoiding pregnancy, sometimes using as much as 3 methods of birth control at one time because I was so paranoid! Even right this moment I do not want a baby, maybe a few more years into our marriage, but I also don't want to wait until I am 40 years old and unable to get pregnant - which has happened to members of my family. And of course these family members urge me not to "wait too long", so then I get anxiety about that. So this situation has come from the clash of I don't want a baby now + I don't want to wait until it's too late.

Whatever my husband's reasons are for not wanting a child, I can't really blame him for that, though there is definitely a potential for resentment.

There are definite perks to the child free life. I am considering freezing my eggs now so I at least have the option for a bio child should we not stay together, but there's also adoption. And you're right, this child could manifest in a number of ways - a friend could name me as a Godparent and then pass on (God Forbid), or a relative of ours may get into a situation where they cannot care for the child and we take over for them, or it could be a niece or the child of a friend of mine, etc.

Ironically hubby REALLY wants a dog and I do NOT (!) want a dog. I don't care for them, I don't like the idea of having them in my bed and of having to carry a bag and pick up their poo for as long as they live. I'd have to clean poo off of a baby but at least after a few years they can hopefully handle that themselves. And did I mention I have a terrible dog poo phobia? It may seem strange, but If I see it on the street while running, it totally ruins my day. He says I wouldn't have to do any of that, but I know better. His desire for a dog parallels my own desire for a child. And while taking care of a dog is not nearly as difficult as raising a baby I joke with him and say "well I guess we both want things we can't have, huh?" 😜 At least the scenario helps him understand my feelings.

Love1st, thanks for your response. Funny enough, he is great with kids because he has been around them more (but doesn't want them), while I am sort of awkward with them (but am hearing MAJOR biological clock ticking).

I think the main reason for him not wanting kids is because his own father was set to go to Princeton with a scholarship when he got his mother pregnant. He gave up going to school to go to work so that he could provide for his family and I think that was directly or indirectly drummed into his subconscious that a baby "destroys" your life and you can never do anything you want to do EVAR again (lol). He says it's because growing up, he had some conflicts with his parents and so that made him decide against parenthood, but I think the reason is more the former than the latter. Lastly, my husband is quite a bit younger than me - he is early 20's, I am early 30's - so there is a slim chance he may change his mind as he gets older. If he decides when he's 33 that he does want a child and its too late for me by then, I am totally open to adoption as I know there are so many good and deserving kids out there that need parents.

As far as what may happen if I got pregnant with the IUD, we have talked about this and I have already decided if it happens, I'm keeping it. I told him this and also said that if he doesn't want to stick around, we will be just fine without him- seems harsh maybe, but I meant it. He said of course he wouldn't avoid caring for his own child. Worst-case scenario, I am a strong lady and I have a supportive family with the means to help us, and who will also love the crap out my child, so I know I will be okay either way.

As much as I do want a child, I don't want one badly enough to leave my marriage over it at this point. So even if he was just like I don't want a child/bio/foster/adopted ever, I wouldn't file for divorce. I have had A LOT of terrible men in my life and this is the first relationship I've had that didn't come with a load of b.s. - the others ironically wanted babies with me, but the relationships were terrible.

What if I leave a good relationship to roll the dice on finding someone who wanted a kid who was also not an A-hole/came with baggage I didn't want? Sure it could happen, but no guarantee I'll find one in time, and I don't want to do the single mother thing. Even if I took the IUD out, I do have a medical condition that makes it hard to conceive without the aid of fertility drugs, which could mean multiples (I found this out during my previous marriage where the guy wanted kids, but turned out to be a cheating a-hole). And I do NOT want multiples, lol.

I don't even want a child right now, but since I am in my 30's am I am starting to get the "you don't want to wait until it's too late" warnings from people, which is making me start to think "uh-oh! Gotta hurry up!" I have not yet spoken to him about the foster child thing, but thanks to your suggestion I will bring it up. Every time I bring up the subject, he starts to get nervous and doesn't want to talk much about it, 😆 so I have to bring it up in pieces.

I can't comment on the psychic part, but I can tell you that I am in a similar relationship. I love my husband with all my heart, but he doesn't want children and I do. So it presented a bit of a problem for us. We came to a compromise that works for us.

I would recommend you ask your husband questions such as if children would ever be possible, if he would be okay with adoption or not, and also re-evaluating yourself. Which one do you want more: marriage with your current husband or children? I would also recommend that you make it clear to each other up front what to do if you decide you really want children later. Will you break up? Will he be okay with one child? How will you break up? If you DO get pregnant with an IUD, will you keep him/her? Will he stay with you? How does he feel about adoption (you adopting and also in the case you get pregnant with an IUD)? I recommend being clear with each other now so it causes less problems later. (Being clear with each other can also bring peace of mind.)

You also may want to find out if there are any underlying reasons why he doesn't want children. How does he feel about children in general? Are there any health concerns he has about having children, or does he prefer a life without the extra responsibility? Some people think there are too many people on the planet as it is, which is where adoption may be a resolution. Just because you don't give birth to a little girl doesn't mean she's not your daughter and/or that you won't be responsible for her in some way. How would he feel about being foster parents?

And as for debt, remember that money is just a tool in the bartering system. If you've got a roof over your head, gas in the car, and food on the table, you're doing well. Just give it time.

If I psychically tell you that you're going to wear red tomorrow, you have every bit of free will not to wear red, despite what I tell you I "see". All futures are potential futures, not ones set in stone. We can unfold in many directions based on our decisions. What cards and psychics are telling you is a potential, or probable one. Not a guaranteed one.

On one hand, it appears you really want this child, yet your actions speak to the contrary. The outcome is based on our actions, unless there truly is this in our destiny. Though it sounds very charming and romantic to have a little girl in the midst, there may be a part of you that is frightened of that on some level. I don't know you so cannot say of what, but we tend to manifest what we both fear and want, with fear usually leading the way. If you married a man that absolutely didn't want children, yet cling to these readings and longings, something should be noted here. A woman who truly and deeply wanted a child would have cut the relationship off. Something is within you that is steering you from that reality. However, now that you're with him, you've got your ten year IUD and finances are prohibitive (that too we manifest), then all pointers are speaking to the fact you're too afraid to let this child into this world. But the good news (if you can call it that), is that if we're truly meant to have a specific soul in our life, it will come in another form (a neighbor might have her and yet you two turn out to be best of friends), or you have her in the next life, she's someone you teach, etc.

If you're to find peace with this, at some point you'll have to reconcile your desire with what you've created. If you don't you could find yourself slipping into bitterness, even towards your husband which you may, down the road, see him as an obstacle.

Life is full of choices. I always say, look at where we are at because it was a series of decisions that led us here. It's also a series of decisions that lead us to our next phase in life. The universe works more perfectly than we realize. I myself could not have children yet ended up raising a puppy (now a huge lovable mastiff) that is the love of my life and I'm just as motherly to him as can be.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Anne